What would you do? Child related......

LEJC

If the situation ofyour visits with your son have been going o for 9 years and you have seen him regularly in that time then surely its a case that over the years you have seen him evolve into the pre adolescent he is now....

Boys of 11 have little in common with small girls and as such I can undertand that he doesnt want to interact with them

Prhaps one weekend you could take your son away maybe to a hotel doesnt need to be an expensive one but that way perhaps you could do some boy stuff without the girls around

Amanda65

floss2 wrote: »

Maybe he doesn't know how to be part of a family?

Very good point! OP it sounds as though you are doing lots of things right but I do think you and your son need some time together. Love the idea of the camping (although it is a bit cold right now - speaking from a girls pov :rotfl:).

If there is no court order in place I would be tempted to just turn up unannounced (realise it is a very long drive if they are not there) and try and take him out for pizza - then drop him home if that's what he wants. Are there any other relatives who could get a message to him for you? Or if he is so into computer is he on Facebook? It may be worth setting up an account so you can contact him that way. And yes I know he's only 11 and should be 13 to have FB but it doesn't sound as though that would bother his mum very much.

What is the family situation at his mum's house?

balletshoes

nfollows1982 wrote: »

Contact has always been arranged between us, there are no court orders in place for contact, so she isn’t breaking any rules.

I don’t normally get back with him on a Friday night until 8.30pm, so we just tend to relax together then.

I always have 1 on 1 time; it’s usually on a Saturday afternoon as the girls have activities that my wife takes them to.

Me made sure that he got quality time with me as I know that’s vitally important.

But there are times when we do things as a family, days out etc and he never seems interested and drags his feet around and doesn’t seem to enjoy it!

thats not unusual behaviour for an 11-year old, whether they live with you permanently or not. Maybe he doesn't enjoy it, because he'd rather be with his own choice of friends. My daughter is 11, and when we go away she's generally happier if her same-age-same-sex cousin is around.

Can you contact your son through email, facebook, any networking site he's on, skype? (I don't know if he has any of these things). Don't do it behind his Mum's back, as that might be another bone of contention. Ask your son when he'd like to see you and what he'd like to do.

FBaby

Has he started secondary a school? His behaviour is most likely more the reflexion our him growing up and not caring to spend his free time with three younger girls than an issue with the new family. Are you confident that if he would act differently if he lived with you and the girls were his sisters? Don't make it an issue of the separation unless you are sure that's what it is.

nfollows1982

Family situation at home for him is mum, step dad and my son.

They don't make any effort as a family to take my son anywhere. All the days out he has had over the last couple of years have been when he has been with me.

His routine is PS3, laptop and phone at home, although he does have some good friends at school who he plays out with.

LEJC

Would you be able to involve one of his friends in a visit....?

nfollows1982

I don't know any of his friends or any of the parents.

Unfortunately living so far away, I don't get to do the school run and meet his friends or the parents, so taking them away for the weekend is highly unlikely at this stage

partialycloudy

The Family activities that all do together, are they what your son is interested in?
When I used to go and visit my dad and his "new family" my brother and I used to get dragged around on country walks, and visiting historical sites....it was such a bore and not what we were interested in at all. But that was what the family wanted to do so we had to do it too....it kind of builds up alot of resentment.

nfollows1982

meeps wrote: »

I know it might not be the best approach in the long term, and for the your house your rules side of things, but do you think an 'if you can't beat them join them' attitude might get him back into spending time with you? By that I mean finding a console game he'd really enjoy, and playing co-op. If you had the right equipment, you could even start with 'playdates' online and see how you get on.

It must be very hard for him going between such different households, let alone the family dynamics. My son is an only, and when we stay with families with 2/3 kids even the most basic things like teatime and bathtime seem like bedlam & after a weekend he is tired, highly strung and withdrawn.

I already do this! The girls go off and do their thing on a Saturday morning and I let my son chose an activity.
Sometimes we kick the ball round the park, sometimes we have an hour on the xbox, sometimes we go to Starbucks for a drink and a chat about school and how he's getting on.

It's not like I've plonked him in this situation and left him to get on with it, I make a real effort to spend time with him just the 2 of us

nfollows1982

partialycloudy wrote: »

The Family activities that all do together, are they what your son is interested in?
When I used to go and visit my dad and his "new family" my brother and I used to get dragged around on country walks, and visiting historical sites....it was such a bore and not what we were interested in at all. But that was what the family wanted to do so we had to do it too....it kind of builds up alot of resentment.

We do a lot of varying activities.

Bowling, Cadbury's World, theme parks, cinema etc.

It's not every weekend, but when we do go out and do things like that as a family it's always for the kids, rather than taking them to a museum!!