To have children or not - how do you decide???

SandC

I think if you have a child and decide to involve the child in most of the things you do then you won't go far wrong. I've seen many wonderfully behaved, worldly wise children when I've travelled long haul, short haul and whatever else. I love to see kids taking in art galleries and historical places with their folks and not necessarily cos there are special 'kid' activities laid on.

In a nutshell, unless your penchant is for late nights and partying, in your situation I would say a child or children would only enhance the lifestyle you have now.

That's only what I read between the lines of how you've posted though....

FunWithFlags

I've always known I wanted children so this suggestion isn't from experience but maybe if you picture the scenario where someone says to you that it's too late now and the decision is out of your hands, you might get some sort of deep down reaction to it which tells you how you feel.

I thought that I would miss my freedom and hobbies but its like there's been a shift in who I am now and what I enjoy doing. I've found I enjoy hobbies that I can do with LO near me more now or that have an end result (e.g crafty hobbies) and less productive things (used to be into my video games lol) have been dumped. I still like socialising but prefer more productive socialising now (less drinking nights out in loud places, more chatting in a pub doing the pub quiz). I think some would say that makes me more boring but I'm a lot happier lol.

There are hard things though like not having as much spare money and you can't just buy those DVDs you want or that outfit but I've found I have become more frugal and more likely to get some things second hand which I see as a positive.

I'm rambling now lol.

lowlitmemory

wanchai wrote: »

Everyone says this, I guess it must be true! I do think that our priorities would change, but I feel like we would never again be able to travel the way we do now (we could probably still do city breaks, or a week with friends in a house in France, but it's the backpacker-style trips in SE Asia that I'd really miss). Hmmm.

Take 'em! It's not something I'd do personally, but my parents just took my brother and myself on their holidays. They probably stayed in slightly nicer places than they might otherwise have done, rather than true backpacker hostels, but we were very well-travelled children with iron stomachs from all the street food

I'm pregnant now and my parents are already planning trips to take their grandchild on...

stir_crazy

We spoke about having children before we married, DH said that the choice will always be mine and that he is happy to go along with what I want to do, as he already has a daughter from his last marriage. I'm not very good with children, I find myself feeling awkward around them. People tell me that its different with your own, but I really cannot see myself being a mother - I prefer the lifestyle that we have at the moment, in a couple of years, I will be the main breadwinner and DH has a long distance job that he enjoys doing. In fact, the more often people ask "when's your turn?", the more often I think I no longer want any. DH offered to have a vasectomy when I told him this, but I've asked him to hold off in case we change our minds.

ETA: This is a very hard decision to make, but you dont have to make it any time soon. I worked with a couple of ladies who had their children in their 40's. And I do like to think that if the time comes and I'm no longer able to have children of my own, then adoption is something we can look into.

lovecake

Hi wanchai! Nice to see you over on this board! I spotted your thread and it made me think of this blog piece I read recently. It refers to an unplanned pregnancy, but the important bit is that she talks about how she has never seen children as a limitation and how although children make things harder she doesn't belive that anything suddenly becomes impossible. She also mentions that they travel with the children and that: 'there are few things that beat exploring another country through the eyes of a small child.'

http://www.lovemydress.net/blog/2012/10/happy-accident-the-tale-of-an-unplanned-pregnancy.html

OH and I have no way seen all of the places we want to, so we will definitely be travelling with baby when it arrives. A good friend of mine has an 18month - she went to New York when she was pregnant and since the little one was born she has already taken her to Crete, Italy, the Isle of Gigha and loads of other wee trips to visit family all over the place.

You might have to adapt your holidays slightly, but I firmly believe that you can still do it! And when they are older you can travel even more! From the age of about 10 my folks took me and my sis to Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, LA, Hawaii and loads of other places - too many to mention - and I feel so grateful that I was able to see so much of the world when I was young!

Also, from reading some experiences on the TTC threads I do think you need to consider the age thing. As some people have already mentioned, it would be horrible to have that decision taken out of your hands.

I hope you mange to make your decision. It is a difficult one

Buttonmoons

I have a 6 year old - single parent - I take her away for weekends, she goes to museums, art galleries, well behaved on aeroplanes - loves going new places and seeing new things.

Ive always wanted to backpack but that just isnt feasable with a small child, but when I'm 35, she will be 17/18 - I can go then, I could go before and leave her with her Dad for a summer - but I'd much rather go places with her and experience things together, than a solo trip.

Really a lot is about how the child is, and how many you have. I can easily get a babysitter, but If i had 2 children then it would become a lot more problematic.

Gra76

There's only 2 questions that need answering when deciding whether or not to have children:

1 - Can I/we make the commitment to look after this child for as long as it takes.

2 - Can I/we afford it.

If the answer to either question is no then keep using protection.

Alias_Omega

neneromanova wrote: »

why not just not use any contraception then? then if something happens it was obviously meant to be, if not then it wasn't

We did this, took about 9 months for things to happen.

The first few times i was a little worried about the unknown, but eventually i worked out that Mrs AO was broke....or apparently not.

pollyanna24

It's a toughie that's for sure! I haven't read through all the threads, but just thought I'd my thoughts.

I was with my bf for 9 years before we had kids and it completely ruined our relationship. Not going as far as to say I regret having them, but it just completely threw me as to how different it actually was going to be!

He left me when our second girl was 2 months old, and it really do think it was down to the way we coped after having children. I got mad pnd and he couldn't handle it. Before having children, I used to think "pull yourself together" about depression, but I certainly do not think that any more.

Mixture of me not getting help in time and ex not giving me enough time to get myself sorted etc.

I know this doesn't happen to many people, but just something else to bear in mind.

becca0417

Hi Wanchai! Nice to see you over here xx
I never had the dilemma you are having as DH and I have always wanted a family. However, if it's only the travelling that's holding you back, I think that says something. It won't be as easy but can definitely be done.
xx