To have children or not - how do you decide???

red_devil

out of interest what are peoples decisions why they dont have children what makes them not interested. I am genuinely interested and do they not envy people with grandchildren?

SandC

Red Devil I have bumped the Anyone Child Free by Choice thread which is 40 pages of a good read, might give you some insight!

Gloomendoom

red_devil wrote: »

out of interest what are peoples decisions why they dont have children what makes them not interested. I am genuinely interested and do they not envy people with grandchildren?

Nothing makes you not interested, you just aren't.

stir_crazy

red_devil wrote: »

out of interest what are peoples decisions why they dont have children what makes them not interested. I am genuinely interested and do they not envy people with grandchildren?

I'm not interested because I have planned a life that doesn't include children. If I had any sort of maternal instinct, I would have compromised on my plans to include kids.

I don't envy grandparents, as they have had to raise children first (bringing me back to my first point) and because I have seen my parents run around after my brother's children like blue a£$ed flies to get as much time with them as they can. I think my nephews are more work than my brothers and I were.:A

Dunners

It really is such a personal choice to you, but I have to say that hubby and I have never made a better decision that the one we made when we decided to have children. Our little boy is absolutely beautiful and knowing that we both made him has made us closer than ever before - it's like an extra special bond (sorry, I know that sounds a bit soppy!)

Re grandparents, my mum, stepmum and dad all dote on my little boy, as does his auntie and his uncles - seeing them together is also really special and even after just 14 weeks we have some lovely family memories.....

Good luck with whatever you decide

Bluemeanie_2

red_devil wrote: »

out of interest what are peoples decisions why they dont have children what makes them not interested. I am genuinely interested and do they not envy people with grandchildren?

I find you comment a little odd. If you don't like/want kids, why would you envy someone else with Grandkids?

I don't like/want/have any desire to do a parachutes jump therefore I don't envy someone when their doing one?

cjj_2

Judi wrote: »

I knew from the days of pushing dollies in toy prams that i wanted to be a Mother.

Me too x........

Hermia

red_devil wrote: »

I am genuinely interested and do they not envy people with grandchildren?

No. In the same way I don't envy people who own a horse/chihuahua/piano/canal boat although I'm sure it must be lovely owning a horse/chihuahua/piano/canal boat. I have no desire to be a granny in the same way I have no desire to be a mummy. I think that is the hardest thing to get across to people who want kids. I don't feel anything when I look at children. I just look at them in the same way I would look at an adult. I don't feel a tug in my womb, I don't imagine having one at home, I don't imagine picking them up. I feel nothing. I do occasionally covet the little girl's shoes and wish they were available in my size, but that is it!

Person_one

Bluemeanie wrote: »

I find you comment a little odd. If you don't like/want kids, why would you envy someone else with Grandkids?

I don't like/want/have any desire to do a parachutes jump therefore I don't envy someone when their doing one?

I actually think its possible to not want your own children but to miss some of the related 'stuff' as a consequence.

For example, I'd love it if you could have grown up children without having to go to all the hassle of raising them for 20+ years!

I have a wonderful relationship with my parents that I'd love to have with an adult son or daughter in the future, and I'm a pretty good aunt so I'd probably be a decent grandmother. However it will never happen because the thought of the drudgery and terror of the childhood and teen years is too awful to contemplate!

Fire_Fox

red_devil wrote: »

out of interest what are peoples decisions why they dont have children what makes them not interested. I am genuinely interested and do they not envy people with grandchildren?

What makes some people like certain genres of books, music, holidays and activities, subjects at school, careers, pets, arts and crafts, foods, movie stars and others loathe them? We have different tastes and opinions, different things just spark our imagination or emotions or get us excited. Do you get envious of trainspotters or your colleague's preteen meeting their favourite para para group after a three hour show?

For me personally it's like asking why does someone choose to be gay or straight - I seem to have been born not wanting children just as most people don't choose their sexual orientation. The choice I really made was to continue using contraception up to the point I wasn't going to get pregnant. I've said it before, I'm not that convinced there is a widespread massive hormonally driven urge to breed, I'm not aware of any evidence of it. There is actually no biological reason for it to exist and AFAIK no other animal appears to engage in family planning!

I fully accept there is a hormonal urge to have sex, and another very strong hormonal urge to nurture once the baby is born and quite likely also during pregnancy. I suspect a lot of the desire to breed is socially or culturally driven. If most women have such powerful hormonal desires to be a mother why aren't we all starting in our teens and having eight or ten or twelve bundles of joy? Why start at age 26 and stop at 2.4, why such an enthusiastic take up of contraception?