Real-life MMD: Should student daughter contribute?

Mesmerise_2

Yes she should contribute.

jo-bo

When I was 16 and at college AND had a part time job I had to contribute to the phone bill AND pay board!! It wasn't an option, I had to pay it.
The problem is today's kids don't know they're born, they all have this great sense of entitlement, like the world owes them a living.


I blame reality tv!!

V_Chic_Chick

I'm a student, and I'm paying £80pw + gas + electricity + water + food + housekeeping! I still prefer it though as I'm sharing with friends.

Honestly your daughter has no idea - and not charging her rent is only going to encourage her to never move out, because she has it so cushy at home.

silkcutblue

If she doesn't want to pay £20 a week, kick her out and I'll move in - I'm paying £150pw! :P

scotsbob

You want to charge your daughter to live in her home?
Make the most of her she will be moving away from you soon.

scottishgillybaby

Stand firm..you teaching her a valuable life lesson...she is throwing her toys out the pram..to see if you give in and pick them up...twenty quid is nothing to her..I always look at how much my son had left to "play" with and when u think that she has 90 a week for herself its a no brainer

BNT

scotsbob wrote: »

You want to charge your daughter to live in her home?
Make the most of her she will be moving away from you soon.

It's her grant and she can spend it on what she likes or needs. That would surely include paying for wherever she plans to live. £20 a week doesn't sound like you're charging her to live in her home (I'd have thought it is your home anyway); just asking her to contribute a small amount to what you are paying on her behalf.

If she doesn't agree, and since you don't want to kick her out, you'll need to find other ways to get the message across. Stop doing any of the household chores you do on her behalf, don't buy food for her, etc.

Lula_Pace

I think that a lot of the posts here are very hasty to blame. At what point has the OP said that she does all her daughter's chores?

I think there are a couple of things you need to do. Yes, by all means, if you need the money then talk to her about it. At the same time, you need to talk about saving up the money from job, grant, etc. Jobs are hard to come by at the moment and its so much better to be able to finish university and have a little bit of money saved up to get you by.

My main gripe, however, with all the replies on this forum is the lack of respect shown to the daughter. She's 18 years old and while she may still be lacking in maturity, she isn't a child. Treat her like an adult, instead of all this, "Pay £20 or you're getting kicked out," crap. I believe that teenagers/young adults respond best to respect, not such dominant authority. If you talk to her about it, explain that you're struggling with money and make her feel like an adult alongside you, then I think she will respond in a more positive light. Also try to see things from her point of view. Yes, this is a comfy way of living; it beats getting phonecalls from the landlord every day for missing rent. But living at home might not be her ideal situation. Maybe all her friends are living in halls/renting, etc.? It can be easy to feel left out when you're living at home. If you really aren't happy with her not contributing then talk to her about moving into halls - it is a good way to learn financial responsibility.

I think the worst thing to do is to start playing these little mind games where you don't buy food for her or stop doing chores. That will quickly lead to anger and resentment and things like money shouldn't come between family in such a way.

She's still young and she has plenty of time to mature. In the mean time, just go easy and be respectful. She will learn to respect you back.

Flibbertygibbet

scotsbob wrote: »

You want to charge your daughter to live in her home?
Make the most of her she will be moving away from you soon.

Its not her home its your home, which you gave her when she wasnt in a position to support herself. She will still be getting a bargain.
NO she wont leave, she will stay and sponge off you forever!

Start by getting her to tidy her room and interviewing lodgers for the "spare" room. University should be about independence, not school for grownups.

IF you can save some of the contribution, when she is looking for a deposit for her own accomodation, give her those savings. I charged all three of my earning adults. The two eldest paid begrudgingly and got everything back as deposits for their homes, the youngest wouldnt and got nothing to set himself up.

Avon2001

Lula_Pace wrote: »

My main gripe, however, with all the replies on this forum is the lack of respect shown to the daughter. She's 18 years old and while she may still be lacking in maturity, she isn't a child. Treat her like an adult, instead of all this, "Pay £20 or you're getting kicked out," crap.

Personally I'd say that telling the daughter to pay up or seek accomodation elsewhere *is* treating her like an adult. I have to pay rent every month. If I didn't my landlord would kick me out. That's how life works. I'm well aware the OP's daughter is young and I'm sure everyone on the forum will take this into account, but she is now legally (and arguably morally) an adult and she'd better start getting used to it.