In the words of Yazz...

BankChargeBabe

Great list of resolutions fudger-roo! I'm sure you'll get them all started this year if you put your mind to it and I bet you get a lot of them completed too. I too need to learn to drive and am 29! Weird. I however, am not as good as you on the old debt front so lessons will have to wait a while.

Hope you have a fabulous year and that it's the start of a long and happy up period xx

Fudgefund

Thanks everyone. I made a good start on my plans today by returning north and cleaning my bedroom. It looks a million times better than it did, and I've put a few photos of friendly faces up around the place. I've also finally plugged my dvd player in so although I don't have an aerial to watch tv, I can watch a film if I want to. I think this is another very cheerful addition.

Thanks for the vote of confidence there BCB, I'm sure if you focus on your debt busting you can make big inroads before you know it! I would very much like a fabulous year.

I've also managed a NSD and done a lot of washing today, so all good things there. I'm due back in work tomorrow, which I'm not exactly dreading, I actually welcome the return to routine. I'm hoping to get up and out at a reasonable hour and walk in, to start shifting the excess pounds (still not been brave enough to weigh myself so I'm not quite sure what I'm dealing with there ).

Had an annoying argument with my Mum this morning whilst waiting for my train, it's played on my mind all day. My Dad randomly gave me back my credit card over Christmas saying that he'd felt uncomfortable keeping it as it showed a lack of trust, and to his mind was pointless because I could just order myself a new one anyway. I took it in the 'gosh you trust me, we're having a moment' spirit it was intended and thought no more about it. Dad obviously mentioned it to my nosy parker sister who immediately told my Mum who then rang me up to have a go about it. She initially said she wanted me to post it back to her, so when I explained I could just get a new one if I wanted it anyway, she then said she wanted my log in details so she could sporadically check my account herself, which made me furious.

I'm not sure if I'm being annoyingly teenage about this, but to me it seems completely unneccessary and heavy handed. But at the same time I have nothing to hide and have no plans to use the card, so is there really any harm in it? I'm 29!

*Robin*

Hi Fudgie, :hello:

Fudgefund wrote: »

Had an annoying argument with my Mum this morning whilst waiting for my train, it's played on my mind all day. My Dad randomly gave me back my credit card over Christmas saying that he'd felt uncomfortable keeping it as it showed a lack of trust, and to his mind was pointless because I could just order myself a new one anyway. I took it in the 'gosh you trust me, we're having a moment' spirit it was intended and thought no more about it. Dad obviously mentioned it to my nosy parker sister who immediately told my Mum who then rang me up to have a go about it. She initially said she wanted me to post it back to her, so when I explained I could just get a new one if I wanted it anyway, she then said she wanted my log in details so she could sporadically check my account herself, which made me furious.

I'm not sure if I'm being annoyingly teenage about this, but to me it seems completely unneccessary and heavy handed. But at the same time I have nothing to hide and have no plans to use the card, so is there really any harm in it? I'm 29!

..Fudgie, I read the above paragraphs with increasing disbelief, then thought about it. I must be at about the same age and stage of life as your Mum, so although I treated a similar situation very differently, I do have an inkling of where her response came from:
Last year you had a crisis, you now live quite a long way from 'home' - so your everyday life has become a mystery to Mum. Which is a worry.

Her demand for your log-in details is out of order though. She didn't think before calling you, obviously. From what you have written about your Mum, somehow I doubt she'll be calling back to apologise - but it's her problem, not yours. I think in your place, I'd simply remain silent on the topic - until the day I could tell her the CC has been paid off.

Meantime, please don't let the argument upset you. I repeat; it's her problem if she hasn't yet accepted that you're an adult with a decent brain, quite capable of working out the hassles life throws at you. Like absolutely everyone else, you'll need a bit of help sometimes, but the relationship is no longer that of parent to child but one adult to another - sounds like your Mum is struggling with the transition. If you're her eldest daughter it's a lesson she's probably not had to deal with before.

Fudgefund

Thanks for the support there Robin:A, I didn't budge on the issue and I have decided to focus on my Dad's trust rather than my Mum's lack of it. I'm looking forward to showing her my account in April on my terms, and showing that I meant when I said I was getting out of debt for good. I know I am a worry to my Mum, but that doesn't mean she can make unreasonable demands, I am at the end of the day an adult.

I've been off here for a few days with an attack of the Januarys, and I'm back now to pull everything together and make some promises to myself for this week. The argument with my Mum, and the argument with my ex on Christmas day have set me back a bit I think. It's difficult, because they were both variations on the same theme. The implication is definitely that they are expecting me to have another year like last year at some point in the future, which makes trying to rebuild my life seem exhausting and pointless. I need to just put it all out of my mind.

So, this week I want to walk to work at least three times, to get some endorphins going and to give me a bit of a clear head. I also want to eat sensibly, as for the last week I've just been eating rubbish and telling myself it's because it's the first week in January. It's not making me feel any better! I'm seeing a few friends this week which is a good thing, and should cheer me up a bit. I'm going to come on here everyday and bore everyone silly with a list of everything I've spent and eaten just to keep myself on track. Apologies in advance.

I went shopping today and bought some healthy stuff for the week, so here we go. No more moping!

please-let-me-be-lucky

Sorry you have been feeling down, but it sounds like you have pulled yourself back up very well. Some very good positives in there and the negatives have all been 'dealt with' as best you can. Well done you :TXx

MuffinTops

Hi FF,

I've managed to catch up on your diary now but I won't go over old stuff other than you've done a great job. Robin's advice on your Mum was outstanding so nothing to add there either.

When you feel it's all too much energy and pointless just remember that you are different now. You feel so strongly about being well and getting on track that you're on here writing it all out for people to read and comment on. You've also got the lovely support of all posters helping to balance out your upsets and then there's all the other things you're physically doing to help yourself. You didn't do that before.

So when you wonder if there's any point then just remember that there is while you're doing new things. I like the saying "if you carry on doing what you're doing you'll just keep getting what you've got" and, with regards to your health, you're no longer doing what you were doing. You've totally upped your game and it's working well for you.

I'm currently trying to go through some big personal changes and I'm really hitting a wall with people. Their comfort level is when I act a certain way and now I'm trying to do things differently they subconsciously (I hope) are trying to get me back to where they feel comfortable. It won't work for them but it makes it so much more difficult for me in what I want to do.

Determination is the key for us both here I think?

I hope the January blues soon pass. It's always a deflated time of year when all the sprarkly christmas decorations get put away and we're just left with cold and dark. But it won't be long before spring will start rearing it's lovely head. x

mumsiemum

Hi Fudge

Just popping in to say well done on your action plan!! I'm looking forward to hearing your progress and wish you all the best

MM

Fudgefund

Thanks for the support guys. :A MT, I always love your posts, thanks for reminding me I can change things if I put my mind to it and make the necessary changes. I keep having a mad urge to email my ex and tell him that just to get it off my chest, but then I realise it's a terrible idea and go and sit on my hands again. "If you carry on doing what you're doing, you'll just keep getting what you've got" is a great phrase. I think that's another one for my mental pencil case. I'm really pleased to hear you're making the changes in your life to get you what you want, don't let other people hold you back! You know what you are capable of and what you want to achieve. I'm determined if you are.:)

At the moment I keep thinking I might want to go for some private counselling this year, but it's a total minefield finding one that works for you. I don't respond well to alternative therapies, I much prefer straightforward talking it out. I know it's expensive and will hinder my debt free efforts, but I think it might be worth it to put last year behind me and get some perspective. I've totally given up on the NHS - I've been on a waiting list now for over 9 months. I understand they're stretched and other people have more urgent needs than me, so I'm thinking private may be the way to go.

Anyways, onto today's update. I completely failed to walk to work this morning after a night of nightmares and broken sleep, so not good there. My eating was again pretty shocking, but in the midst of it all I did achieve an apple, banana and salad, so not all bad. It was the Curly Wurlys what did me in. :rotfl:Tomorrow I'm going to redouble my efforts and actually have the good day I've been talking about. It only takes one to start building the momentum again. One week til payday. :j

please-let-me-be-lucky

Re the 'email to the ex', can you wite it all down on paper to get it off your chest and then bin it? I say use paper because an email can be sent all too accidentally. I really think you are doing the right thing by not discussing it with him, but I've heard it's very cathartic to do the venting bit and then not actually give it to them.

I hope you managed the walk to work today, but if not, hey! It's only a couple of curly wurlys ay?! Xx

Fudgefund

I think that's a very good call PLMBL! What I actually ended up doing was writing a couple of completely unreasonable, really scathing emails and clicking 'save draft' so it was almost as satisfying as clicking send. It did make me feel soo much better to get it out, which is weird but there you go. I think actually discussing any of this with him or sending him an email would make me look slightly deranged, so I'm not giving him the satisfaction. :rotfl:It's annoying because I didn't hear from him after we sent a few texts on New Year's Day, as I'd decided enough was enough. But now he's sent me texts yesterday and today and I just don't feel like it's doing me any good. As we have effectively left it that as I want to get back together and he doesn't, the situation is hopeless, there's really no need to have contact at all. I have trouble with vagueness, I like balck and white. Bah. :mad:

Anyway, the good news is that I walked to work today! I got up at a reasonable time (for me ), drank a glass of OJ and went into the office feeling quite perky. I've also managed a NSD, so really the only issue with today is the amount of rubbish I've eaten. I was full of good intentions, but a girl was leaving today and brought in doughnuts, and it all went downhill from there. I'm going to try much harder tomorrow, and walk to work. Yep.

I'm pleased with myself today because I work flexitime, and before I went on long term sick leave, I got into real trouble with it (I think I was about 18 hours down when the maximum is 7). I'm now minus five hours, and I think if I put my mind to it I will be able to make a days holiday this month. That will be a novelty.