In the words of Yazz...

beanielou

Sorry that your mood isent good.
All I will say about your dad is that parents do try their very best to make their children happy if they can.
So maybe his thought is that that is one less thing for you to worry about.
Try to just accept it in the spirit in which it is meant.

Fudgefund

Thanks BeanieLou :A

I know you are right, and obviously I gave all the appropriate noises, but I won't be happy until I've repaid him. I can't heap non-payment of a debt on top of the embarrassment of getting into debt in the first place. I think i'll keep it in an account for the sake of a hope I'm not going to be a spinster. You never know.

*Robin*

Hello Fudgie, :hello:

Fudgefund wrote: »

The only problem with the film were the frequent references to American football, which mean nothing to me, so translating all that in Spanish would be horrendous! Definitely wait for Sky.

Urgh; American Football - organised violence is all I see there, so you're right I'd not get on very well trying to translate that part of the plot!

Fudgefund wrote: »

I've managed a NSD today, first one since I last posted. I travelled back to home today and managed to not spend anything due to a complete absence of the luxury of time to hang around train stations. As all the trains were delayed, my connections were pretty hairy so I was forced to go hungry as I didn't bring any food with me.

Sounds like you were lucky to have trains at all - that journey could have been so much worse! ..But I'm sure it was bad enough for you, especially as your mood has swung and you didn't have anything to eat.
Yet you survived the frustrations; well done - next time you'll remember to make a sarnie or take the oddments from your fridge with you (boiled egg and lump of cheese, anyone? ).

Fudgefund wrote: »

My mood has been bad the past few days, I have been fighting continual urges to get drunk at work and encourage colleagues to go down with me. I've been spending and eating impulsively which I have happily put down to the season when I know that isn't true.

Yeah, it's a hard time to avoid the munchies, isn't it? <I confess to a tub of maltesers, at least five twixes and a whole packet of ginger biscuits in the last couple of weeks >
But you've done really well - forgive yourself the sweeties because you avoided falling into the demon's clutches..

Fudgefund wrote: »

I'm really down today, which isn't at all ideal considering I'm around my family and it will worry them. My only recourse at the moment is the forced jollity which ruined the carol concert with my ex, so really no recourse at all. I am home alone with a step brother whose marriage has failed and makes for awkward company and my Mum has gone out. I feel as though I may have well stayed half way up the other end of the country at the moment as I'm simply reading Harry Potter in a different bed.

Hey - forget the forced jollity, it's ok to be quiet and introspective while you're waiting for the trough to pass. Reading is a great activity for such times - but must question your choice of author for this therapy; it's hard to lose yourself in Harry Potter! ..Have you read any of Sheri S Tepper's books? Maybe a bit old fashioned these days, but I found her work well-written, thought-provoking, and utterly captivating at first read. I'd recommend this one to start with:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Beauty-FANTASY-MASTERWORKS-Sheri-Tepper/dp/1857987225/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1356261622&sr=1-1

Fudgefund wrote: »

My mood had definitely worsened since my Dad, who isn't by any means a well off man, told me this evening that he has written off the £4000 he lent me to pay off my card. He said he had saved the money for my wedding, but as that wasn't going to happen he didn't need to worry about it anymore. He then withered on again about all the terrible things that happened last Christmas which set off my illness again and I nearly had to put down the phone. My Dad is a very nice man but he wasn't blessed with tact at the best of times. I'm still determined to pay him, I'll just have to keep the money in an account until he needs it.

Shame your Dad was tactless but sounds like he's isolated from you - can't see how much progress you've made since last xmas - and parents just cannot help worrying about their kids which excuses his words a bit.. Look on the bright side; you've already noted that your BP is on a rough four year cycle - so you're on the way up now, you've got quite a bit of time to learn more coping strategies and hopefully avoid another bad crash..

As for the £4G. Dad is telling you 'don't worry' which is great. He may not be wealthy but he doesn't need that money now - so you can put it at the back of your debts list with a clear conscience. Be content with your determination to pay him back once you've got rid of your other borrowing - I'm sure you'll do it.

Meanwhile, don't underestimate the benefit to your Dad of your accepting his gift [for now]. Parents feel good when they can help their children.


I'm sure that in days to come you will appreciate the relatively quiet beginning to your family holiday - give it a chance to work up speed in the enjoyment stakes, eh?

mumsiemum

Hi Fudge

OK time for some positive actionsto help with your mood over this festive period. Stick to my golden rules (posted previously) –It can feel hard work but its worth it!

Family - this sounds harsh but you cannot take on other peoples woes. You can listen but you must not allow thier words to pull at you (downwards!). Try not to put yourself in the situation where you have to listen to it for long periods of time. I have a thing I think about if any I am in a situation which may sabiotage my mood.

I have practiced it many times in my mind so I can just ‘go there’ when I feel I need to. At first I had a this written down and I would read each sentence really slowly and allow my mind to experience it. Its a long white beach surrounded with highcliffs. The sun is shining and I focus on my senses. I imagine feeling the warmth of the sun on my arms. I see the bright colours, the small waves of the sea and smell the sea breeze. I am high up on the cliff overlooking the beach where there are people busying around with kids/playing/sunbathing/swimmingetc. There's lots of noise down on the beach but as I am high up on my cliff the noise is all muffled and not reaching/affecting me. I’m just looking down and watching. I take some really deep slow breaths in and out whilst going on my little journey.

This helps me when I am in a situation which I think is not good for me I take myself off to my cliff top and my mindset changes to a positive pattern rather than letting whats being said to me generating a negative pattern. After a while it becomes second nature and I now use it like a shield I just lift up when I need protection!!

OK so I sound like a looney – but it works for me!!!!

Dad - he wants to help - like Robin says parents want to do what they can to help their children. I know if my daughter was struggling with mood/money I would know that at least I couldhelp her financially. It makes us parents feel better that we are doing something to help. Please don't feel a failure just because he has made this gesture. Say to your self that you will still pay him back eventually but allow yourself the breathing space this gives you in the mean time. He doesn't have to know you will pay him back - allow him the pleasure of feeling he has helped you. After all - in a few years time you may be doing the same for your own children!!! and you'll know how it feels!!!

Keep posting on here overChristmas – I for one will be checking in regularly and can keep you company. We can have a ‘vitual’ mincepie or two together!

MM

please-let-me-be-lucky

Hi Fudgie, hope you are feeling better today. Parents notoriously say the wrong thing or even the right thing in the wrong way. I'm sure he meant no harm but if it makes you feel better you could talk to him about it Xx

Fudgefund

Hello all

Sorry it's taken me a couple of days to respond to your lovely pick me ups, I read them on my phone but it takes me so long to write anything on it I waited until I was back on a PC to answer.

You all brought a bit of a tear to my eye with your messages, I really appreciated them. Many points to answer so I'll try and be as succinct as possible!

Robin, I have never read the Harry Potter novels before, but I'm enjoying them. I think the appeal for me is the childhood Enid Blyton element to them, the enormous feasts and lashings of butterbeer and all that. Now I'm getting to the latter stages of the series it's becoming increasingly less cosy. I will definitely check out the book you recommended, being MSE I'll order it from the library. I have read any of Sherry Tepper's books but I like old fashioned.

My Dad is also one of the loons, so he is trying very hard to help me out at the moment. I've accepted him generosity and as soon as I can I'm going to set about paying it back into a savings account. My Dad is a very nice man who lost everything to his craziness, I know he can see himself in me and is trying to stop that fate befalling me. I think you're right, helping me doers make him happy. I really liked what you said about having a nice long time now to develop coping strategies for the next crash, that was a good thought.

MM, you don't sound like a loony (I would know!) but I'm not very good at meditation or anything like that. I know I should really try and practice it, but my mind just sabotages me with my sarcastic inner monologue! It's definitely worth a go.

I offer you one of my Mum's mince pies - I'd join you but at this time of night I'd have raging indigestion! :rotfl:

PLMBL, thanks for saying that, I don't think he meant any harm, I was just feeling low when he said it. I don't think he meant to imply I'm unmarriable.

And so to my festive update - I have actually had a nice Christmas. Seeing my sister's kids really swung it for me, it's just so nice to be around the family. I've eaten a heck of a lot of home cooking, not spent any money and laughed a lot. I have had a bit of alcohol - Baileys and Cava, but I feel fine. I actually want to go back to my nice teetotal life, I've already got a spot on my chin!

Managed to stay away from the Monsoon sale, which is a massive bit of progress, when I was ill over the summer I became obsessed with Monsoon. I would spend hours online shopping and getting deliveries, it was all very odd. I just didn't go near the website today.

I hope you've all had a lovely thrifty Christmas. xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

Glad to hear you sounding more positive and that you have had a nice time. Thrilled you enjoyed your family's company and more so that they fed you well . It definitely sounds like your Dad is just trying to stop you making his mistakes and look out for you.

I guarantee you aren't unmarriable !

Big :j:j:j for avoiding the monsoon sale Xx

*Robin*

Hello Fudgie, :santa2:

It was lovely to read your great up-date - am so glad you are having a wonderful time with your family!

Fudgefund wrote: »

Robin, I have never read the Harry Potter novels before, but I'm enjoying them. I think the appeal for me is the childhood Enid Blyton element to them, the enormous feasts and lashings of butterbeer and all that. Now I'm getting to the latter stages of the series it's becoming increasingly less cosy.

Actually I agree with you; the earlier HP books are by far the best. I'm afraid I rather lost patience with JKR when she announced that Dumbledore was gay - !!!!!! he's a wizard, ie. celibate and tbh I don't think pre-pubescent kids need sexual elements in their literature (yes I know adults read the series too, but a significant number of fans - her original target market? - are much younger).

Fudgefund wrote: »

I will definitely check out the book you recommended, being MSE I'll order it from the library. I have read any of Sherry Tepper's books but I like old fashioned.

Erm, is there a typo in your sentence above? I've just downloaded one of her other books that I somehow missed out in earlier years; this one:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Gate-Womens-Country-MASTERWORKS-ebook/dp/B005LB9AY0/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1356600904&sr=1-2-fkmr1

..Was looking forward to that; still am, but DS has borrowed my Kindle so it's a pleasure in store.

Fudgefund wrote: »

My Dad is also one of the loons, so he is trying very hard to help me out at the moment. I've accepted him generosity and as soon as I can I'm going to set about paying it back into a savings account. My Dad is a very nice man who lost everything to his craziness, I know he can see himself in me and is trying to stop that fate befalling me. I think you're right, helping me doers make him happy.

Hmm. (((hugs))) I'm sorry to hear your BP is inherited, but that does help you in some ways.
Makes my earlier comment about accepting Dad's assistance for his benefit, doubly true.
Doubtless while you were growing up you will have seen at first hand many of the pitfalls you might face in years ahead - you can use that knowledge as it gives you greater awareness of approaching wobbles well in advance of danger; that's very useful indeed.

Btw I cannot feel comfortable with you describing yourself and your Dad as "loons" - although it's far from the first time I've heard it. Ok, I appreciate that some humour is required, and it's a kind of defence, but can be very damaging if the person with MH problems starts to use the label as a wall to separate themselves from everyone around them.

One thing I have noticed; every single person I've come across with significant MH issues, is very intelligent. Maybe one day science will prove a genetic link between greater mental ability and the tendency to a chemical imbalance in the brain, which manifests as a MH problem of one kind or another. :think:
It's almost as if the Creator has given those affected, the capacity to understand and control their symptoms - if they choose to. Sometimes that means accepting life-long medication to correct the chemical imbalance, or volunteering for appropriate therapy.

Fudgefund wrote: »

I really liked what you said about having a nice long time now to develop coping strategies for the next crash, that was a good thought.

Well, it's true.

Fudgefund wrote: »

I'm not very good at meditation or anything like that. I know I should really try and practice it, but my mind just sabotages me with my sarcastic inner monologue! It's definitely worth a go.

Am no expert but practise regularly these days; it really does help when everything becomes too immense to cope with.
You're half way there - knowing it's the little inner voice you have to silence.
Try using a simple monotonous physical task rather than sitting in the lotus position with your eyes closed.. My favourite 'gateways' are walking and weeding..
Expect only moments of success - later you may discover those moments were actually far longer..

Fudgefund wrote: »

And so to my festive update - I have actually had a nice Christmas. Seeing my sister's kids really swung it for me, it's just so nice to be around the family. I've eaten a heck of a lot of home cooking, not spent any money and laughed a lot. I have had a bit of alcohol - Baileys and Cava, but I feel fine. I actually want to go back to my nice teetotal life, I've already got a spot on my chin!

Sounds lovely, you've given me just imagining the scene; thank you.
Good choices on the sips of booze - you really are a gal after my own heart! :lovethoug

Fudgefund wrote: »

Managed to stay away from the Monsoon sale, which is a massive bit of progress, when I was ill over the summer I became obsessed with Monsoon. I would spend hours online shopping and getting deliveries, it was all very odd. I just didn't go near the website today.

:j :T :j :T :j Well done!

<That's better than I managed; @mazon's Boxing Day Deals were m' downfall - sent a couple of late xmas bargain gifts to PostPal kids in grateful thanks that everything went ok here >

http://www.postpals.co.uk


Crikey, this post has turned into a right ol' saga - oops, sorry Fudgie.
..Time to go and annihilate some more weeds, methinks.

Fudgefund

Don't apologise Robin, I like your mega posts, they're always useful, unlike mine. :rotfl:

Before I respond, the reason I haven't been on for a few days is because I have a chest infection. I have been feeling very ill and as a true testament to how ill, I'm surrounded by Christmas food but just can't seem take any interest. The pastry is safe. The good news is, any weight I gained Christmas week has melted off, so every cloud and all that. I just wish it didn't hurt when I breathe in.

Anyways, as I showed no interest in Harry Potter when it was actually in vogue, I managed to miss JK Rowling's musings on Dumbledore's proclivities thankfully. I do find that ridiculous, I really have no wish to think about his persuasions either way, it's not like she was going to thread a romantic intrgue for him into the novels. How weird.

There was indeed a typo in the Tepper point, I was really tired when I wrote that post!

I know describing myself as loon makes other people feel uncomfortable, but I find all else a bit too po-faced. It's just the way I am. I should probably leave my Dad out of it though. Haha. I have always been clever - perhaps if I put this to better use I would be less inclined to overthink myself, but I have a new year's resolution to combat this. :T

Thanks PLMBL for saying I'm not unmarriable! My ex said to me quite recently the reason he wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me again is because he felt living with someone with a mental health condition (there you go Robin!) would be too much of a commitment, which upset me a lot at the time. I now just think, heaven forbid he has a disabled child or a partner who falls seriously ill. Realising he hasn't got a clue made me feel a lot better. Something tells me he wouldn't be able to cope like you. :A

I confess to having a sneaky peek at the Monsoon sale online earlier, everything left is a size 6! I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

The good news is, due to my infirmity, I'm still with my family and will be until New Year. I'm pleased about this as my idea to spend NYE alone was seeming less and less palatable by the day. I'm working on ten resolutions, I'm going to post them here when they're finalised. Now I'm off for a nose at other diaries, whilst I'm off my sick bed.

mumsiemum

Hi Fudge

Hope you are feeling better soon!

MM