Well, that didn't go down well!

balletshoes

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

I don't need proof of his savings, I have access!! - he does put everything away that he can, I feel the bad guy as this is the 1st time I've had to go cap in hand, it doesn't help that his uni pals have parents who earn far more than we do & don't ask them for a contribution

you're not going cap in hand for goodness sake - you are providing him with a lot more than he'd ever get out on his own for the money! Whether I need the money or not, when my DD gets to your son's age she will be paying board.

happy35

i think £35 is fine, my DS has just started an Apprenticeship and earns £180 per week before tax etc and he pays me £20 per week.

I am happy with this as he is saving for a car and is currently putting £100+ per week into his savings. The car is a necessity really as he will start really early and he wont get there on public transport, I will drop him off in the short term until he passes his test etc but this cant be a long term solution as his finish time doesnt really fit in with mine

I know of people earning the same as him who are paying anywhere between £30 and £75 per week depending on how much the rest of the household income is.

You have said that you need the money and therefore your son should be paying his way, you have supported him for years and now that he is earning you shouldnt continue to be out of pocket.

I know that he is saving to go travelling but that is not something that he desperately needs and can be done at any time whether that is in 6 months or 12 months

Person_one

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

I honestly can't believe adult kids who think their board should be free - is it not enough that their parents have supported them until they've reached adulthood?

That's their job! You aren't doing your child a favour by raising it to adulthood 'for free', that's what you commit to do when you decide to have children!

Person_one

nearlyrich wrote: »

It's never been about the money for me just making sure they lived in the real world so they learned to budget and other adult skills.

Sorry, but this expression drives me bonkers. Where else would they live? Narnia? Oz?

Zekko

On a wage of £750/month, I'd say £35-£40/week (~£150/month) is a fair amount to charge whilst he is (hopefully) saving. Sure its a small token gesture and won't cover all his costs, but if family can't help you to start out, I think that's quite sad.

nearlyrich

Person_one wrote: »

Sorry, but this expression drives me bonkers. Where else would they live? Narnia? Oz?

Quite possibly as both are fairy tale worlds However life is not a fairy tale for most people and getting to grips with reality is no bad thing.

FunWithFlags

Crikey! Some of the responses on here have surprised me a fair bit. It sounds to me like he didn't even consider the fact that his home would become somewhere he had to rent so it's come as a bit of a shock. I think £35 a week sounds reasonable if you need it but maybe he will need a bit of time to come to terms with his home with his family becoming a house share iyswim.

I do think though that if you could do without the money, what harm is there in letting him stay for free while he saves up and then he can travel but with the warning that when he comes back, it won't be rent free anymore. It doesn't mean he won't learn about paying for things or that life isn't free etc (he probably learned that at uni if he paid everything!), it just means he has one last go of no responsibility before a life of work work work bills bills bills. I know no one will agree but I think after three years at uni while working too, if you could afford to give him one last breather, why don't you?

JC9297

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

Thank You everyone for all the replies - he is a good kid & is good with money, when he was in the shared house he was the one who dealt with the money & paid the bills, most of his costs were paid out of his student loan. He worked p-t thru Uni for his extras, has only recently got the other 2 jobs which is why I've only asked for it now, up until this month he was only on 250-300 pm. He pays all costs for his car, phone, gym membership & clothes. I do his washing but he does his own ironing & cleans his room. I don't want to make money off him, but realises he needs to contribute something as A. we could use the money & B. he needs to get used to the fact that he has to pay to live etc

Hardly life essentials, unlike a roof over your head and food.

JC9297

Person_one wrote: »

I think over £140 a month is actually quite a big chunk out of £750, especially as he's not exactly wasting the rest.

If they genuinely need it, fair enough. If say £60 or £80 a month would be enough to actually cover his costs then why not charge that? Why does it matter what the 'going rate' is? They're a family.

Do you really think £60-80 would cover his costs though, even if no costs are included for his room or even his share of the utilities, I would guess he eats and drinks more than £15-20 worth a week.

alias*alibi

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

Broached the subject of a contribution to the household finances tonight with the eldest - boy, that wasn't well recieved

Background: eldest has returned to the family pile(!) after 3 years at Uni & passing his degree. Has student loan of which repayments won't kick in until he earns £15k as I understand it. He went straight to uni from 6th form so now is working at 3 jobs to earn funds to do a bit of travelling before hopefully starting on a career & maybe co-renting a place with uni pals - his take home pay from the jobs is roughly £750 p.m

When I dropped hints a few weeks ago about 'keep' his comment was ' if I pay you it'll take me longer to save the money to get a place so you'll be stuck with me for longer than I want'

I sort of checked what other people were 'charging' their adult kids, & it seemed to be around £50 a week, I didn't want to appear harsh so suggested £35, he thought I meant 'per month' & nearly choked when I said weekly.

Out joint income is only around £30k, & we're about £130 short now each month as our youngest son has just left for Uni so our Child benefit & Child tax credit has stopped

am I being unreasonable?

No you are not being unreasonable. I left school and went straight in to employment in 1988. Back then I was taking home about £600 a month and giving my mum £30 per week. I did feel hard done by at the time as my friends contributed nothing towards their keep but my mum was a single parent who lost her benefits when I started work so it was fair.

I was out living independently by the time I was 18 and paying just £30 a week then would had been a heavenly amount.