Well, that didn't go down well!

adelight

Mrs.W wrote: »

Why did you begrudge paying your way?

I doubt it's that they begrudged paying their way. It's more when you first start earning a full time wage and it's exciting and all "wow i have so much money!" until you remember you have to pay for life.

OP £35 is very reasonable, it wouldn't get him very far in the real world. I would probably ask him to do washing etc too even though I live at home and don't do much!
One weekend day I do the washing up, vacuuming, bathroom and a load of laundry and that's it. After recent events my parents are more comfortable me living with them even though it means I have a stonking commute which has me out the house 6am-9pm and unable to do much.I'm sure plenty of people here would tell my parents to kick me out or demand £200 a week but they're happy with it

Fire_Fox

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

I don't need proof of his savings, I have access!! - he does put everything away that he can, I feel the bad guy as this is the 1st time I've had to go cap in hand, it doesn't help that his uni pals have parents who earn far more than we do & don't ask them for a contribution

Why do you think of it as going cap in hand?? Fully grown adults not in full time education all over the world support themselves/ contribute to the household their live in. Many support their parents, siblings and even grandparents.

Life isn't equitable: does your son earn the same as all his colleagues? That isn't fair. Does he live in exactly the same sized house as everyone he knows? That isn't fair. It's totally irrelevant what his uni friends have or do not have, what life lessons their parents do or do not teach them. You are preparing YOUR adult son for the real world.

enabledebra

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

When I dropped hints a few weeks ago about 'keep' his comment was ' if I pay you it'll take me longer to save the money to get a place so you'll be stuck with me for longer than I want'

I think this says everything? Why are you 'hinting' about how you require your household to run to your adult son? Do you think you should be able to go to your gas, electricity and mortgage company and explain you can't pay because you're saving for a holiday? He has to learn these things aren't free. I don't mean to be harsh but blimey I think parents get treated by their 'children' as well or as badly as they allow.

YoungBaker

I know I am clearly going against the general consensus on this thread here... but I actually disagree.

I think if your son has moved back with the clear intention that his aim is to move out asap and he is clearly actively working hard towards that goal by doing several jobs and saving to get a deposit and get off - why would you disencourage his personal ambition and effort to actually work towards what you want?

However I think you could definitely teach him some life lessons in terms of making him do his own washing, cooking etc. as he will have to do this when he moves out anyway and so it will be valuable for him, but as he says ultimately you are only delaying the inevitable and by charging him are putting off him moving out and actually beginning to fend for himself when he can.

enabledebra

al_1232 wrote: »

I know I am clearly going against the general consensus on this thread here... but I actually disagree.

I think if your son has moved back with the clear intention that his aim is to move out asap and he is clearly actively working hard towards that goal by doing several jobs and saving to get a deposit and get off - why would you disencourage his personal ambition and effort to actually work towards what you want?

However I think you could definitely teach him some life lessons in terms of making him do his own washing, cooking etc. as he will have to do this when he moves out anyway and so it will be valuable for him, but as he says ultimately you are only delaying the inevitable and by charging him are putting off him moving out and actually beginning to fend for himself when he can.

I would say this is a perfect plan to have a 35 year old son at home, or else one who can't manage his money when he moves out because he has never had to. He is saving to travel not to move out and once he gets back he won't be in any rush to leave. I know I wouldn't.

coolcait

al_1232 wrote: »

I know I am clearly going against the general consensus on this thread here... but I actually disagree.

I think if your son has moved back with the clear intention that his aim is to move out asap and he is clearly actively working hard towards that goal by doing several jobs and saving to get a deposit and get off - why would you disencourage his personal ambition and effort to actually work towards what you want?

However I think you could definitely teach him some life lessons in terms of making him do his own washing, cooking etc. as he will have to do this when he moves out anyway and so it will be valuable for him, but as he says ultimately you are only delaying the inevitable and by charging him are putting off him moving out and actually beginning to fend for himself when he can.

I could almost agree with that if the OP's son was saving for a deposit on his own place. But, it appears that he's saving to 'go travelling'.

Not a bad thing in itself. But, what happens when he's done with 'travelling'? If he doesn't have a deposit for his own place, where will he go....?

I don't see anything wrong with him paying a minimal amount to have a roof over his head. Literally just that. Everything else - food, laundry etc - will be down to him.

Like it will be when he is travelling, and when he finds his own place with friends in the future.

coolcait

enabledebra wrote: »

I would say this is a perfect plan to have a 35 year old son at home, or else one who can't manage his money when he moves out because he has never had to. He is saving to travel not to move out and once he gets back he won't be in any rush to leave. I know I wouldn't.

Snap! :rotfl:

I think our views are running along the same lines!

YoungBaker

Ah think I mis read. I thought he was planning to move out... okay... lol

paddedjohn

TELL him you want board off him, dont ask, and when he does decide to go travelling make sure you pack all his stuff away and find another use for his room otherwise he will still be there helping you spend your old age pension.

enabledebra

paddedjohn wrote: »

TELL him you want board off him, dont ask, and when he does decide to go travelling make sure you pack all his stuff away and find another use for his room otherwise he will still be there helping you spend your old age pension.

:rotfl: I wish I'd said that!