Well, that didn't go down well!

cod3

Make him pay. It will be a valuable life lesson...you don't get
owt for nowt. This lesson will come in handy when he is off travelling or living with friends. Charging him is doing him a favour I reckon.

Barneysmom

Can he prove how much he is saving per month out of that £750, does he have a savings account and an actual plan/timescale towards moving out?

Ask him if he's going before or after Christmas so you can plan looking for a lodger.

virgin_moneysaver

I don't need proof of his savings, I have access!! - he does put everything away that he can, I feel the bad guy as this is the 1st time I've had to go cap in hand, it doesn't help that his uni pals have parents who earn far more than we do & don't ask them for a contribution

Mrs.W_2

Cod3 is spot on. The sooner he realises life is not a Bank of Mum & Dad Production, the better. Especially if he wants to go travelling!

While I'm sure he won't be sending home his dirty laundry with self-addressed envelopes for it's return, he needs to know Mum will not be skivvying or financially supporting him in adulthood.

virgin_moneysaver wrote:

When I dropped hints a few weeks ago about 'keep' his comment was ' if I pay you it'll take me longer to save the money to get a place so you'll be stuck with me for longer than I want'

The bit in bold tells us all we need to know about his priorities.

moneypuddle

You could do what some other parents do.

Charge him £50/week, but only really pocket £35, and save the remaining £15, eventually to give it back to him when he does move out.. It might help with the costs of furniture etc. Obviously dont tell him you're doing this though.

Lexxi

It's hardly cap in hand!!! My parents wanted 1/3 from us when we started working, I don't think they expected me to earn £800 pcm as a first wage so they *settled* for £200 of it. This was before all the prices of everything went up. I did begrudge paying it, it was the first time I'd ever had all that money and really didn't want to share especially as everything had been free up to that point, my mum wrote down her bank details and told me I could transfer it to save me the hassle of withdrawing it each month, I kind of knew then that it wasn't negotiable.
Tell him he's been away for 3 years, you love it that he's back and if you could get away with charging him more to keep him at home longer you would do.

*max*

Stop thinking of yourself as "going cap in hand"! You're not begging, you're charging for a service, quite literally. I understand how weird it feels to be asking your children for money, but you've got to get away from that mindset. He's not a child anymore. He's an adult who is earning money and should contribute to his household - the fact you are his parents is irrelevant in this case.

Of course, if he was living away and coming for the holidays you wouldn't ask for a contribution. But he's not, he's living in this home.

Oh, and his friends having wealthy parents who pay for everything and ask for nothing? Irrelevant also. Tell him he's free to go ask ask them if they will adopt him. :cool:

RadoJo

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

I don't need proof of his savings, I have access!! - he does put everything away that he can, I feel the bad guy as this is the 1st time I've had to go cap in hand, it doesn't help that his uni pals have parents who earn far more than we do & don't ask them for a contribution

I think that's the problem - don't think of it as 'going cap in hand' as you are doing him a disservice by pretending that life after university comes with all mod cons and meals thrown in for free. His friends may be getting a free ride, but they are also living an extended adolescence and once the real world comes knocking they will have a shock to their system that your son won't. Travelling is a nice treat for those who can afford it, not a right that trumps paying your way, even if you live with generous parents!

Mrs.W_2

Lexxi wrote: »

..My parents wanted 1/3 from us when we started working, I don't think they expected me to earn £800 pcm as a first wage so they *settled* for £200 of it. This was before all the prices of everything went up. I did begrudge paying it, it was the first time I'd ever had all that money and really didn't want to share especially as everything had been free up to that point...

Why did you begrudge paying your way?

In the couple of months I lived at home whilst working full-time, I was proud to contribute a quarter of my income. I was paying my way, and removing the burden of keeping me.

Shortly afterwards I found out just how easy I'd had it at home when I moved into my own place, discovering the novelty of receiving gas and electricity bills in your name is a shorted lived one.

Lexxi

I'd never moved out, I was 16/17, hadn't realised the cost of running houses or the amount I will have cost my parents during the first 16/17 years of my life and getting me to earning that £800.
Those first few months of earning all that money and not having any expenses, even the £200 that I was paying in rent/keep was an awful lot to me. Transferring the money took the sting out - that money saving tip of using cash as you feel it more than a card/bank transaction is really true!
I never didn't pay, from the time my mum bringing it up, I understood that money/work = bills and that things cost money it was just that there wasn't a contribution required growing up and you see that amount on your pay slip you think 'oooh I can do xxxx' more so in OPs sons case I would imagine as he has plans and will know the figure he needs to achieve to achieve these plans