Well, that didn't go down well!

Hermia

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Why do you think of it as going cap in hand?? Fully grown adults not in full time education all over the world support themselves/ contribute to the household their live in. Many support their parents, siblings and even grandparents.

I grew up in an area with a big Asian population and I couldn't believe how many of my late teen/early 20s friends supported parents who were unable to work or gave their younger siblings money for their education.

£35 is very generous and it is a valuable life lesson realising that your money is not all yours to spend. My 20-something cousin moved into a house share recently and one bloke didn't think he needed to pay his share of the rent/bills the months he was a bit short of cash. His parents had always made his life easy at home and he seemed to think his housemates would do the same!

rxbren

even fifty is too little i was paying eighty a week straight from finishing upper school
tell him its fifty or he finds digs elsewhere dont give him any options
he not in school or uni so needs to learn to pay his own way

Person_one

FatVonD wrote: »

£5 per day for food AND lodgings, where do I sign?

Ah, but you have to live with your parents and adhere to their rules.

Not so tempting anymore is it!

Person_one

enabledebra wrote: »

I would say this is a perfect plan to have a 35 year old son at home, or else one who can't manage his money when he moves out because he has never had to. He is saving to travel not to move out and once he gets back he won't be in any rush to leave. I know I wouldn't.

My parents only charged me a token amount when I was working and living at home after uni. I moved out into my own home at 24.

So far, believe it or not, I've managed to survive without going bankrupt!

If you wait until your children are adults before trying to teach them how to manage money, you've left it too late.

enabledebra

Person_one wrote: »

My parents only charged me a token amount when I was working and living at home after uni. I moved out into my own home at 24.

So far, believe it or not, I've managed to survive without going bankrupt!

If you wait until your children are adults before trying to teach them how to manage money, you've left it too late.

Exactly, and £35 is a token amount. I 'charged' £25 in the 90's so £35 is about right if not too low. Before that I paid for everything that was necessary (as you'd expect) but I handed over the child benefit and if they wanted a CD or book or Mobile phone credits or clothes/toiletries over what was needed for school/basic needs they had to use this and save up as required.

Person_one

enabledebra wrote: »

Exactly, and £35 is a token amount. I 'charged' £25 in the 90's so £35 is about right if not too low. Before that I paid for everything that was necessary (as you'd expect) but I handed over the child benefit and if they wanted a CD or book or Mobile phone credits or clothes/toiletries over what was needed for school/basic needs they had to use this and save up as required.

I think over £140 a month is actually quite a big chunk out of £750, especially as he's not exactly wasting the rest.

If they genuinely need it, fair enough. If say £60 or £80 a month would be enough to actually cover his costs then why not charge that? Why does it matter what the 'going rate' is? They're a family.

enabledebra

Person_one wrote: »

I think over £140 a month is actually quite a big chunk out of £750, especially as he's not exactly wasting the rest.

If they genuinely need it, fair enough. If say £60 or £80 a month would be enough to actually cover his costs then why not charge that? Why does it matter what the 'going rate' is? They're a family.

I think you will find £140 is very cheap for all of your basic expenses (after all his parent's could downsize or rent his room out if he wasn't in it) "wasting" is a subjective definition in itself. For adults you pay for your housing, food, and fuel, before you pay for your holiday.

coolcait

Person_one wrote: »

I think over £140 a month is actually quite a big chunk out of £750, especially as he's not exactly wasting the rest.

If they genuinely need it, fair enough. If say £60 or £80 a month would be enough to actually cover his costs then why not charge that? Why does it matter what the 'going rate' is? They're a family.

You're talking about less than a fifth of his monthly income.

As you say, they're a family. And the OP's son is an adult member of that family.

Yet he doesn't appear to have taken any initiative to work out the household's running costs, or his share thereof. He certainly doesn't appear to have put forward any suggestion that he should pay towards those costs at all.

Assuming that all members of my nuclear family were adults, then Council tax alone each month would cost each of us 35 quid. In a low cost region, and in a low-cost property. Equivalent costs in SE England would be very different.

Fuel costs alone - based on our current area - would be similar. Then there's food costs (net of food preparation costs).

It all depends how you define 'They're a family'.

If you mean that all adult members of a family, living under the same roof, have a responsibility to meet their full share of the household costs, then we agree.

If you mean that adult children of a family should be subsidised by other adults in the family, then we disagree.

*max*

Person_one wrote: »

I think over £140 a month is actually quite a big chunk out of £750, especially as he's not exactly wasting the rest.

If they genuinely need it, fair enough. If say £60 or £80 a month would be enough to actually cover his costs then why not charge that? Why does it matter what the 'going rate' is? They're a family.

I agree that it doesn't matter what other people do, and they should do what feels fine for them. However, how do you know he's "not exactly wasting the rest"? He could be saving £50 a month for his travels and spending the rest on Iphones and trendy bars, for all we know. Not that I care much, mind, just putting the option out there.

Alias_Omega

virgin_moneysaver wrote: »

we're about £130 short now each month as our youngest son has just left for Uni so our Child benefit & Child tax credit has stopped

You've failed from the start. Their bedroom should of become the "Guest Bedroom" when they moved out to Uni.

This is the starting figure (£130) for Accomodation & Food.

It does not include -

a) Cleaning the bedroom
b) Washing anything, though washing machine will be provided
c) Buying anything for them (no clothes, no shampoo, no shaving stuff etc).


Tbh, i can't see why they moved back home after being at uni.