Well, that didn't go down well!

FatVonD

Person_one wrote: »

Ah, but you have to live with your parents and adhere to their rules.

Not so tempting anymore is it!

Ha! Actually you couldn't pay me enough to live with my parents, I moved out at 18 and haven't been back since but my parents are not your average parents and the OP sounds much nicer!

FatVonD

FunWithFlags wrote: »

he has one last go of no responsibility before a life of work work work bills bills bills. I know no one will agree but I think after three years at uni while working too, if you could afford to give him one last breather, why don't you?

I disagree, he's 21 and no longer in education so it's time to grow up and make a contribution, anything else (as another poster said) is just suspending him in an extended adolescent state.

londonsurrey

This is ridiculous. Stop asking him. You're telling him.
He's just learning that huffing and puffing gets mother in a tizz and trying to put it right.

Person_one

FatVonD wrote: »

Ha! Actually you couldn't pay me enough to live with my parents, I moved out at 18 and haven't been back since but my parents are not your average parents and the OP sounds much nicer!

My parents are lovely, I still wouldn't want to move back in even for free! I don't think most adults would.

Baggy09

moneypuddle wrote: »

You could do what some other parents do.

Charge him £50/week, but only really pocket £35, and save the remaining £15, eventually to give it back to him when he does move out.. It might help with the costs of furniture etc. Obviously dont tell him you're doing this though.

This is exactly what I was going to say to do too. It still leaves him with £550 a month to save and use.

lady1964

You aren't being unreasonable at all OP, I would say on his earnings, £150 per month is a reasonable amount to pay.

As others have said, he's 21 now and like we told my DD's when they started work, the free ride ends when they are earning and like having to pay tax and NI, rent/board is also an outgoing they have to pay.

My eldest DD returned home after 3 years at Uni, she works in a school so is not well paid, so we take 20% of her take-home pay. She buys her own clothes, toiletries, car costs, phone and socialising. She, along with her younger sister, has to cook at least once a week, do her own ironing and do her share of the household chores. She is fully understanding of this having had 2 years is shared houses while at Uni. It is cheaper for her to live at home but she saves money every month. She can't afford to move out as she is on a low income but when she earns more, she will move out.

My middle DD lives with her bf and appreciated the fact we took only 20% of her salary, she was able to save up in order to move out and she fully realises that living at home was far cheaper than living in rented accomodation. She is also grateful that she learned about paying her way and that she was prepared for the costs of having her own place to live.

Don't tiptoe around your son OP, be assertive and inform him that this is the way it is. One day he will appreciate it and he will learn another valuable life lesson.

thatlemming

Okay, I'm at uni currently, and I pay £140 quid A WEEK for my room and bills (not incl food). I'd snap my parents hands off for £35 a week w/food included!

BitterAndTwisted

I can't see anything wrong with all adults living in a household who are earning a wage being expected to make a reasonable contribution towards the expenses. Most especially where that contribution is needed rather than being purely a devise as a valuable life-lesson.

A young man in his twenties is perfectly capable of eating his way through £35 a week in groceries alone.

He's spent the last three years at Uni looking after himself, so is perfectly aware of the real cost of supporting himself. That he may have believed that he was going to contribute zilch once he moved back home is unfortunate but that was an incorrect assumption on his part.

Often, when this sort of question is raised on this part of the forum the consensus is one third of take-home pay. In your son's position that would be £250 a month, so £35 a week is an absolute bargain.

I would be shrugging off any ideas about going "cap-in-hand" and just tell him that he must pay his way and you are the one who will decide what a fair rate will be. Take it or leave it. You should also expect that once he returns from his travelling he will in all likelihood be expecting to return to the bosum of his family so he can start saving to rent his own place, so you really must start as you mean to go on.

Person-One appears to be in a minority of their own in this thread, so make of that what you will.

Brighton_belle

HurdyGurdy wrote: »

THIS! Exactly this! I have felt so guilty over the years because of this, and my youngest son has now just decided not to go to take up his place at Uni because he decided he didn't want to start his working life £50,000 in debt. I felt dreadful that we didn't have a "uni fund" for him.

Please please read what Matin Lewes has to say about renaming student 'debt'. It's tragic your son is limiting his choices through some misunderstanding of student loans.

His older brother has been working (longer hours) part time for three years, and has steadfastly refused to pay anything because "it's not fair as [brother] doesn't pay anything". I went round in circles so many times with my argument that we supported HIM through college and were doing the same with his brother. But it didn't get through.

I am embarrassed for you that you are not embarrassed by how much your eldest son rules the roost/controls your household. And what a shameful sponger he is.

And he is still quibbling about 10%... words fail me.

scooby088

In the 90's when I left education and got a job I was on £80 per week and I gave my parents £25 per week, as far I was concerned I had an easy ride for 16 years of my life and was my time to start contributing.

For me if he doesn't contribute then you have the option of asking him to leave and find out that the real world is alot more expensive than living with you.