when do I introduce my children to new partner?

fiat500fan

Looking for advice please? I have 2 girls, aged 13 and 8. I have been separated from their father for 18months and they know that I am seeing someone but haven't met him yet. To be honest they are very negative and have said they don't want to meet him, I know this is because they feel protective of their dads feelings. What do I do?

Sambucus_Nigra

How long have you been seeing the new chap?

Slowhand

fiat500fan wrote: »

Looking for advice please? I have 2 girls, aged 13 and 8. I have been separated from their father for 18months and they know that I am seeing someone but haven't met him yet. To be honest they are very negative and have said they don't want to meet him, I know this is because they feel protective of their dads feelings. What do I do?

You respect their wishes and wait until they are willing to meet them.

fiat500fan

Ive been seeing him for 9 months, so I dont think Ive rushed them into meeting him lol

Person_one

That's not very long actually, to children adjusting to such a huge change and a new image of their mum.

Tiddlywinks

fiat500fan wrote: »

Ive been seeing him for 9 months, so I dont think Ive rushed them into meeting him lol

This comment - particularly the LOL - just shows how you aren't really taking their feelings seriously.

You need to give them time - why do they need to meet the new man? Really, why?

Fire_Fox

Do they need to meet the man, what do you think forcing them will achieve? They are unlikely to see what you see in him with their present state of mind. Many people get a couple of years into the relationship before introducing new partners to their children. It's only been 18 months since their father left, you will perhaps have been prepared for that event but they may be still 'grieving'. Have you considered family counselling so they can have their say in a neutral environment?

fiat500fan

I think I am taking their feelings seriously, that's why I have asked the question. I don't think it helps that their dad blames my new partner for us not getting back together , and voices this openly and regularly. going off topic a little there...

shegirl

If you're taking their feelings seriously you wait until they are ready and the relationship is more serious/stable.I think 9 months is pretty early tbh but then if it was me my son wouldn't know anyway

fiat500fan

I think after 9 months you know if things are going to be serious? I tried to keep my new relationship low key and did not tell the children or my ex , however he went into my handbag and looked at my mobile one evening when he had come over to the house.

Fire_Fox

fiat500fan wrote: »

I think after 9 months you know if things are going to be serious? I tried to keep my new relationship low key and did not tell the children or my ex , however he went into my handbag and looked at my mobile one evening when he had come over to the house.

Many couples know within weeks it doesn't make it the right time to start introductions. You are only seeing this from your perspective and how you feel, nine months is early for your children, maybe wait until you are engaged?