Opinions please..

Fergie76

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

It's human nature that men and women can't have a platonic relationship?

I didn't say that, did I?

I said that there will be some attraction, from at least one party, whether they will admit it or not.

Just because there is an attraction, doesn't mean they want to jump into bed.

Fergie76

Gra76 wrote: »

I think most women believe platonic friendship can exist. I firmly believe the vast majority of men think otherwise!

This. ^^^^^^^^

clearing_out_my_pockets

Fergie76 wrote: »

I didn't say that, did I?

I said that there will be some attraction, from at least one party, whether they will admit it or not.

Just because there is an attraction, doesn't mean they want to jump into bed.

Fair enough! I'll choose to believe therefore that the attraction is on his side in this case

FatVonD

.me. wrote: »

Oneday he will cross the line, but i know i cant wait and waste time waiting for that oneday to come.

He has already crossed the line, what are you waiting for??

Seriously, he's just messing with your head, give him an ultimatum and stick to it.

I do believe men and women can be just friends but he's going out of his way to find new 'special' friends, that's not right.

Fergie76

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

Fair enough! I'll choose to believe therefore that the attraction is on his side in this case

You won't be able to look at him the same now, wondering if he is undressing you with eyes as you talk...

bitemebankers

Fergie76 wrote: »

I said that there will be some attraction, from at least one party, whether they will admit it or not.

That's quite clearly nonsense though. One only has to go internet dating to see why. Back when I was dating online, I'd estimate that I fancied somewhere between 1 in 10 and 1 in 20 of the female matches the website offered to me. Talking to my female friends, this pretty much reflects their own experience too (if anything, they were even more picky than me.) So in reality, for most given male-female pairings, there won't be any physical attraction *either* way. Only in a relatively small minority - a few percent - will one party fancy the other. And only in a tiny minority will there be mutual attraction.

What's more, you've also made the assumption that everyone is straight, when in reality around one in ten people are gay/lesbian, like my best friend.

Like I said, I think you have a very narrow view of male-female relationships.

Fuzzy_Duck

.me. wrote: »

i have asked, and he's said i want to go for the wrong reasons, aka not wanting him to go alone, wanting to spend time with him, and wanting to get into the music he's into?

and the 'special' person last yr... well lets say he compared us on several occasions, sent her texts etc (right in front of me) like we used to send each other when we started going out, and it turned out she did fancy him for some if not all of the time

That really isn't on, and considering what happened last year I think you need to talk to him about how you feel. Regardless of whether this is innocent or not, his behaviour is inappropriate. I'd give him one last change to sort himself out and if he doesn't, I'd suggest giving him an ultimatum.

Fergie76

bitemebankers wrote: »

That's quite clearly nonsense though. One only has to go internet dating to see why. Back when I was dating online, I'd estimate that I fancied somewhere between 1 in 10 and 1 in 20 of the female matches the website offered to me. Talking to my female friends, this pretty much reflects their own experience too (if anything, they were even more picky than me.) So in reality, for most given male-female pairings, there won't be any physical attraction *either* way. Only in a relatively small minority - a few percent - will one party fancy the other. And only in a tiny minority will there be mutual attraction.

What's more, you've also made the assumption that everyone is straight, when in reality around one in ten people are gay/lesbian, like my best friend.

Like I said, I think you have a very narrow view of male-female relationships.

How is it nonsense? Prove it.

I've never had to resort to Internet dating, so don't know what it's like, but if I needec to, I certainly wouldn't date someone I had no physically attraction too. That just sounds desperate to be wanted.

Also, there is more to attraction than just physical, maybe it's you that's narrow minded if you judge people just on their looks.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Oh dear. I'm either gay and in denial or this is all nonsense.


Most people I know in a social or working context are blokes. It's all music related.

If I were told by my fella that not only did he think I was incapable of keeping my legs together if I were to have a laugh with the lead guitarist, he was going to come to a gig he would hate, just to supervise me, he'd be getting pretty short shrift.


I do recognise it can be a problem; I get a degree of, not so much hostility, but a sense of some of the guys' girlfriends feeling a little threatened - because I'm not a girlfriend, I'm one of the mob instead. But I am not responsible for their insecurities and they aren't for mine (like my feelings of sheer terror at the thought of having to make small talk).

I have absolutely zero problem with my fella flirting, either. He is very good at it too, much to my amusement - but he's not trawling around for a new fling - he's just sweet and funny and entertaining.


I can see the OP's point of view; it does sound dodgy. But then, I can also see her OH's view - there's nothing worse than having someone hanging round you, convinced you can't control yourself and you must be desperate to get off with the other person, purely upon the basis they have genitalia that you don't. You even get it at gigs with the girlfriends hurling themselves in front of female members of the audience in case their boyfriend looks at the dumpy, ageing female bassist watching them play :cool:


I suppose it's gut feeling. Can you cope with this or is it a dealbreaker? If it's a dealbreaker and you will always be unhappy, then you have to take steps to not be in that position anymore. Which could mean breaking up. Or going out yourself instead and developing more of a life of your own.

FBaby

It is all about context though isn't it?

In essence, there should be nothing wrong with a man being friend with a woman and doing things together. BUT...
- Do they share a common interest that is maybe rare so it can understandable that they spend time alone together?
- Is he a one-to-one type of friend or more the type to normally go out in group?
- Is he treating you right otherwise? Do you also share interests, go out and do other things together, are you happy in your relationship spare this conflict?
- How does he act in terms of being up-front with you? Does he discuss things about this woman like he would do about another bloke? How is he around his mobile? Does he talk to her in front of you? Would he allow yuo to check his phone?
- Without planning a meeting, how do you think he would feel if you were to meet eachother by accident? Would he be pleased to introduce you, or do you think he wouldn't be happy about it?