Opinions please..

Fergie76

In a male/female relationship there must be a certain amount of attraction to each other and one or both parties wants more, whether the admit it or not.

TBH, he just sounds selfish and if he doesn't get it, maybe it's time to move on and he can then have all the 'friendships' he wants.

What does the other woman look like?

Fergie76

What is a 'special friendship' anyway? To me that would be a friends with benefits type of relationship, otherwise they are just friends and certainly wouldn't mind you going along.

Tropez

VestanPance wrote: »

If a guy opens up to another women other than his partner I'd be thinking he at least has some feelings for her beyond basic friendship.

I think it could be a sign of a close, as opposed to basic, friendship but I wouldn't necessarily take it as a sign of romantic intention.

As an example, if you consider something like depression, which studies have frequently shown is more prevalent in men than the number that seek professional help due to the unnecessary stigma attached to it, it can be quite difficult for some men to even open up to their partner about it due to feelings of embarrassment or even humiliation. One of the primary reasons so many men struggle to seek help is because of these feelings. They are, for want of a better term, emasculating.

Many men would not want their partner to see them in that light, even though rational thought would dictate that a loving partner would want to support them but then those suffering with depression rarely think rationally. There will be many who are unable to talk to other men about it and I'd argue that one of the reasons that so comparatively few men see a doctor about it is because most GPs are male.

Therefore, a close, female friend who is willing to listen but who no emotional attachment exists beyond a close friendship could well be a more acceptable outlet for talking through negative thoughts and feelings than even a partner/spouse because on some level the male may well feel that because there is no romantic involvement, there is also nothing that can be held against them and prove their weakness in some silly row ten years from now; not that many partners would hold that against someone, but once again, those with depression are rarely truly rational.

andygb

Unfortunately, I think that this guy wants the best of both Worlds if he can get away with it - a nice partner at home, and being allowed to socialise with other women as well - not a good combination.

clearing_out_my_pockets

Fergie76 wrote: »

In a male/female relationship there must be a certain amount of attraction to each other and one or both parties wants more, whether the admit it or not.

Why must there be a certain amount of attraction?

OP - I wouldn't be happy with my DH going out in this situation. If he really can't see your point, the two of you need to have some rather frank conversations about where you both see the relationship going.

bitemebankers

VestanPance wrote: »

If a guy opens up to another women other than his partner I'd be thinking he at least has some feelings for her beyond basic friendship.

This simply isn't the case and represents a very narrow view of other peoples' friendships.

bitemebankers

andygb wrote: »

Unfortunately, I think that this guy wants the best of both Worlds if he can get away with it - a nice partner at home, and being allowed to socialise with other women as well - not a good combination.

On the contrary, it's an excellent combination provided the couple in question trust one another and feel secure in their relationship.

Tropez talks a lot of sense here and there are some sound reasons why men would seek out female friendships.

Fergie76

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

Why must there be a certain amount of attraction?

Because it's human nature.

clearing_out_my_pockets

Fergie76 wrote: »

Because it's human nature.

It's human nature that men and women can't have a platonic relationship? I'm often in the pub after work on a Friday with a male colleague and I am not attracted to him in the slightest (no denial there). Earlier today the man in question described me as 'the female version' of him as he overheard me describing the technical differences between two tablet computers

(Sorry to the OP for detracting a little - genuinely curious about this viewpoint)

Gra76

I have a number of female friends I'd class as close. I certainly wouldn't class any of them as 'special' friends. Would I go out with them without the missus? Well, I'd have to say definately not.

Mainly because of how I know it would be perceived by the missus. I've been asked by one of my female friends to go out for drinks with her a number of times but I always politely decline.

I ty to think of it the other way round. If my wife went out with a male friend would I wonder what was really going on? Of course I would. I'm not normally a jealous person but it's fair to say I'd having a bad feeling about it and if she was a second later back in than she said she was going to be my mind would be doing backflips!

I think most women believe platonic friendship can exist. I firmly believe the vast majority of men think otherwise!