Opinions please..

.me.

How do you feel about your OH going out with a person of the opposite gender alone? I dont mean someone that they and you might have known for years and are best buds etc. Say someone that you barely know, that they've only known for a relatively short time themselves too.

I have just been wondering for a while, and while everyone I've asked has said they'd be very unhappy or uncomfortable with it. Anyone who'd feel fine with it? How would you deal with it? Or perhaps your the one who goes out, however innocent the thoughts behind it.



I'll pop this in here so it doesnt have to be read through to find
Ok here's a vague summary..

Fella said for 1st few years that he didnt need the going out scene, didnt want too, all he needed was me etc etc.. And with this I kind of stopped having any social life too and we were basically each others worlds.

Over a bit of time he's come to realize there are ppl (always woman) who are special to him, more than friends, but not in 'that way'. Then all of a sudden he's saying he needs to get out socialize, 'be young'. There was a huge to do last yr when he got too close to one woman, went past boundaries, basically almost an emotional affair (she was one he claimed was 'special'). He still doesnt get what he did wrong and blames me for kicking off over nothing.

Since he's cut off contact with her and we've tried to move on, but he still wants his social life while im left feeling very insecure. He's been very protective of me in the past and so it took him over a yr to introduce me to his work/social friends. He barely takes me out to do's with them. On top of this he is one of those blokes that woman instantly seem to feel they can rely on and feel safe with, they'll go to him to talk etc.

Now theres another woman who they claim to have a sisterly brother relationship as. She's just split from her ex, is a cheater, and a wind up merchant. I just dont trust her. She's asked him to join for drinks after work, and now a concert which he's agreed to go to, just the two of them.

He's seems so set against me joining them, though he wants me to get into the concerts and subjects etc that he likes.

Yes I have trust issues after last yrs. I know he'd never do anything purposefully but the woman he seems to attract I feel a dred everytime someone new appears with all these interest that he has, and I fear oneday one of these 'special ones' will appear that has more in common and he'll realize how bored he's been with me. Oh yes, and he's mentioned me as the 1st of these special ones.

We've spoken about all the above and wayyy more. He's knows how insecure i am. I'm not asking him not to go out, though its been a big change i accept he needs to socialise. I'm just asking for him not to go out with woman alone.


Not such a vague summary afterall sorry.
I guess I just wanted to hear views that werent from friends, whether you think im totally crazy or not.

Thanks

Mojisola

What's the situation? My OH sometimes goes out for meal with business colleagues when they're working away from home.

If he was picking up girls in a bar and then going out with them, alarm bells would be ringing!

Alikay

I wouldn't be happy with it, but my husband is very much a "man's man" and generally prefers the company of other blokes for a natter - football, cars, politics etc. A night out with a lone woman would definitely be like a date, hence a massive no-no.

DS1, however has lots of female friends that are purely friends and sees them alone. He's totally different with his girl mates to how he is with a girlfriend.

It really does depend on the person and individual situation, I think.

peachyprice

I guess it would depend on where they were going and why.

My OH likes stuff I'm just not interested in, mostly Sci-fi related. if he had a female work colleague who was into it and they went to an expo together I wouldn't mind.

I have male clients who are from out of town, my OH wouldn't mind if I went for a meal with one, it's purely business.

However, If it was someone that he had no shared interest with and they were going out for a meal/drink/cinema, just because, then I would mind. That would imply they were going out purely because they enjoy each other's company and could quite easily get out of hand.

escortg3

I am female and i have male friends that i sometimes catch up with on my own. Usually a couple of drinks early in the evening or a coffee.

We are mates and isnt that what mates do.

My partner is fine with this. He has female friends that he calls on and has a coffee with.

I will add that these are mostly long time mates.

.me.

Ok here's a vague summary..

Fella said for 1st few years that he didnt need the going out scene, didnt want too, all he needed was me etc etc.. And with this I kind of stopped having any social life too and we were basically each others worlds.

Over a bit of time he's come to realize there are ppl (always woman) who are special to him, more than friends, but not in 'that way'. Then all of a sudden he's saying he needs to get out socialize, 'be young'. There was a huge to do last yr when he got too close to one woman, went past boundaries, basically almost an emotional affair (she was one he claimed was 'special'). He still doesnt get what he did wrong and blames me for kicking off over nothing.

Since he's cut off contact with her and we've tried to move on, but he still wants his social life while im left feeling very insecure. He's been very protective of me in the past and so it took him over a yr to introduce me to his work/social friends. He barely takes me out to do's with them. On top of this he is one of those blokes that woman instantly seem to feel they can rely on and feel safe with, they'll go to him to talk etc.

Now theres another woman who they claim to have a sisterly brother relationship as. She's just split from her ex, is a cheater, and a wind up merchant. I just dont trust her. She's asked him to join for drinks after work, and now a concert which he's agreed to go to, just the two of them.

He's seems so set against me joining them, though he wants me to get into the concerts and subjects etc that he likes.

Yes I have trust issues after last yrs. I know he'd never do anything purposefully but the woman he seems to attract I feel a dred everytime someone new appears with all these interest that he has, and I fear oneday one of these 'special ones' will appear that has more in common and he'll realize how bored he's been with me. Oh yes, and he's mentioned me as the 1st of these special ones.

We've spoken about all the above and wayyy more. He's knows how insecure i am. I'm not asking him not to go out, though its been a big change i accept he needs to socialise. I'm just asking for him not to go out with woman alone.


Not such a vague summary afterall sorry.
I guess I just wanted to hear views that werent from friends, whether you think im totally crazy or not.

Thanks

tea_lover

I think you're right to be wary in this situation tbh. I'd tell him I was going to the concert too. If he really doesn't like that idea I think it tells you a lot.

Alikay

.me. wrote: »

y
I guess I just wanted to hear views that werent from friends, whether you think im totally crazy or not.

No you're not crazy: He overstepped the mark and has broken your trust. The issue is about more than outings with people of the opposite sex - it's about not being able to trust him.

andygb

From your last post, I think that he has overstepped the mark, and you are right to be worried. Unfortunately some members of both sexes will take advantage if they can, and try to convince others that - "It doesn't mean anything". Unfortunately it does mean something to the person who they are hurting.
Good luck.

balletshoes

I'm uneasy on your behalf with what you've said in your second post OP. Yes, as mentioned in other replies, there could be a few situations where colleagues who don't really know each other well could go out together and it would be fine.

Your OH appears to be going out of his way looking for "special" relationships though, ie more than colleagues. I don't get that. And I wouldn't be happy about it if my OH were doing that.

kj*daisy

No I wouldn't be happy with that scenario at all, you are right to be wary and he is stupid to want to put himself in this situation. Being in a long term relationship doesn't mean you'll never meet someone you could develop feelings for again, but it should mean that when you realise there is this risk, you do all you can to avoid it happening out of loyalty to your OH. Going out alone with her isn't avoiding that risk. I'd insist on going with them, but tbh if this isn't the first time then I think this is going to keep happening over and over till he does have an affair.