Opinions please..

.me.

Thanks. I guess I just dont know where to go from here. I've tried pointing out how would he feel if the tables were turned, but he's just said 'but we're different people, its not the same'. Dont know how to get through to him when he's either really thinks he's doing/done nothing wrong or is a far better lier than i ever believed of him.

inspirespirit

Ask him how he would feel if the boot was on the other foot. Would he be ok with you going to a concert with another man, just the two of you and maybe for drinks first?
He is out of order. Totally. In fact if he goes, against your wishes, then I would call his bluff and tell him you are going to do exactly the same as he does and in future will be going to concerts with male companions.

inspirespirit

Think I was typing when you posted. lol. said almost the same thing.

Fuzzy_Duck

I think it depends on the people involved. My OH is still friends with a woman he used to work with and occasionally meets her for a drink. I'm not bothered by it- but then perhaps that's because she wasn't his type attraction-wise so I had no need to feel threatened. Having said that, it's also a very occasional thing and my OH always tried to coax me out as well to meet her (saying he wanted to show me off!) which I later did.

I went for a drink with my OH, his female friend and her boyfriend. It was all rather pleasant until her boyfriend had a few drinks and erupted, accusing my OH of stealing his girlfriend. I think some people just can't handle the idea of people being friends with a member of the opposite sex without being convinced something is going on.

A good way of finding out if you should be worried is to invite yourself along and see what happens. He'll have no issue with you coming if it's innocent.

System

Thanks. I guess I just dont know where to go from here. I've tried pointing out how would he feel if the tables were turned, but he's just said 'but we're different people

He's right, you are different people but the action is still the same.

Mojisola

inspirespirit wrote: »

Ask him how he would feel if the boot was on the other foot. Would he be ok with you going to a concert with another man, just the two of you and maybe for drinks first?
He is out of order. Totally. In fact if he goes, against your wishes, then I would call his bluff and tell him you are going to do exactly the same as he does and in future will be going to concerts with male companions.

While this is tempting, don't get into a tit-for-tat situation.

He is doing something that is upsetting you. You have told him this. He is still doing it. What does that tell you about the state of your relationship?

.me.

inspirespirit wrote: »

Think I was typing when you posted. lol. said almost the same thing.

lol, thing is he knows I'd never ever be able to do to him what he's doing to me. I think about him first always when a plan is suggested to me by friends, I went out for a meal with a girl mate for the 1st time ever the other wk, and he went from being out late himself with mates to suddenly coming home early. He needs a taste of his own medicine, but i know i couldnt give it to him

.me.

Fuzzy_Duck wrote: »

I think it depends on the people involved. My OH is still friends with a woman he used to work with and occasionally meets her for a drink. I'm not bothered by it- but then perhaps that's because she wasn't his type attraction-wise so I had no need to feel threatened.

A good way of finding out if you should be worried is to invite yourself along and see what happens. He'll have no issue with you coming if it's innocent.

i have asked, and he's said i want to go for the wrong reasons, aka not wanting him to go alone, wanting to spend time with him, and wanting to get into the music he's into?

and the 'special' person last yr... well lets say he compared us on several occasions, sent her texts etc (right in front of me) like we used to send each other when we started going out, and it turned out she did fancy him for some if not all of the time

Roxan

WOW - what a situation - really awful.
I agree that he has over stepped the mark. I will put my opinion forward - you don't need to agree with it - but similar happened in my past. BTW I'm now single.
In the beginning - they don't want to share you with anyone and you both live in each others pockets, not needing outside stimulation/socializing (That's his way of being controlling)
Now that the situation in set in stone - he has decided that it's safe for him to "Express" his need for "special" friendships with others, usually female. Whilst complaining its completely innocent, making you feel foolish for bringing up the conversation and your insecurities.
In his mid - it's ok for him to "need" socializing - but "YOU" already said you were happy with not socializing. Your aren't meant to change your mind. (Which of course you can if you wish).
He's almost living the social life of a single man. Whilst your are confused about having these feelings of being insecure and at unease with the entire situation.
Personally - alarm bells would be ringing for me - he does
n't want you to be "part" of his "Special" relationships, because that would change the dynamics of these friendships.
I work in a massive workforce of 300 people plus - I'm single - I talk to lots of the people I meet on a daily basis - I for one would feel uncomfortable about creating a "Special Friendship" with a married man. I suspect that most of the folk I work along side would feel the same.
Maybe the reason that he doesn't like to introduce you to people in his workplace - is because he would be embarrassed by his behaviour or that he'd be worried that someone would might speak out of turn about his behaviour.

Either way - I hope you find courage to be heard - your feeling and emotions are important to you and they should be to him. If they aren't high on your priority list - for sure they won't be on his.
Get out with some girl friends and get some support from them - even if it's just coffee and a chat or a few vino's and a movie. It's ok to be independant and be married - but mutual respect and trust is a big part in that.
Don't let this eat away at you - the stress of it all is so unhealthy.
Wishing you well. Rx

bitemebankers

Fuzzy_Duck wrote: »

I think it depends on the people involved.

This, exactly.

Some guys (I'm one) have mainly female friends instead of the more common mainly male friend group. But it has always been this way. Crucially, it's never been an issue in any of my romantic relationships because it's always been above board and open, right from the start.

The OP's situation seems a little different because it represents a departure from the norm for their relationship and the OP is not surprisingly uncomfortable about it. Giving the OP's partner the benefit of the doubt, I think the two really need to have frank and open discussion. Even if it's completely innocent, if your partner is doing someone which makes you feel insecure to this extent, you need to tell them about it and explain to them why you're feeling that way.