What is your opinion on children before marriage?

Torry_Quine

moneypuddle wrote: »

Failed contraception maybe? Not everyone abstains from sex completely just because they dont want children

I'm 38 weeks pregnant. My OH and I are not married. For us it was financial ... we spoke about it and could afford to either get married or have a baby. Baby won. Having a baby would have more impact of our lives than getting married would and its what we wanted to do

That's my point exactly though! If you don't want to have children before marriage then get married first before hving sex.

Your situation is different in that you decided to have a baby first (or maybe instead of:o).

moneypuddle

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If you don't want to have children before marriage then get married first before hving sex.

I can't think of anything worse than marrying someone I've not had sex with. How would you know you were compatible. Seems a bit extreme to me!

Torry_Quine

moneypuddle wrote: »

I can't think of anything worse than marrying someone I've not had sex with. How would you know you were compatible. Seems a bit extreme to me!

That's a different topic altogether. :rotfl::rotfl:Would just say that personally I find it strange to have sex with someone before making a life-time commitment. Knowing you love someone and want to spend your whole life with them means that you are compatible surely. Also sex is but a small though important part of marriage.

POPPYOSCAR

Torry_Quine wrote: »

That's a different topic altogether. :rotfl::rotfl:Would just say that personally I find it strange to have sex with someone before making a life-time commitment. Knowing you love someone and want to spend your whole life with them means that you are compatible surely. Also sex is but a small though important part of marriage.

That is a noble sentiment but I think sex forms part of a relationship that could develop into a lifetime commitment.

claire16c

scottishchick27 wrote: »

Did the courting, lived together for 3 years, bought a house, had a baby. Eleven years later we are still together and baby number 2 is due next month. I changed my surname to his and we have written wills. Our daughter has security. My parents have been married 38 years and my grandparents have been married 60 years. I don't need to be married to teach my daughter and soon to be son stability and security and certainly don't need it for there to be love.

Just out of curiosity what factor meant that you changed your name?

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It seems strange to me when some people say we always intended to have children after marriage but that I discovered I was pregnant so had children first. Surely if you intended to have children after marriage then you wouldn't be having sex until then.

Well no1. there's a thing called contraception.

And no.2 what if you were married, but didnt want to have children for years after the marriage?

Are you seriously suggesting people abstain for years on end until they actually want a baby?



For myself, I couldnt imagine having a baby out of marriage unless it was an accident. For the reason that to me marriage is important, and I would not have wanted to have had a baby with a boyfriend, who did not want to marry me.

If marriage is not important to both partners, then it would be different.

Tiddlywinks

moneypuddle wrote: »

Failed contraception maybe? Not everyone abstains from sex completely just because they dont want children

I'm 38 weeks pregnant. My OH and I are not married. For us it was financial ... we spoke about it and could afford to either get married or have a baby. Baby won. Having a baby would have more impact of our lives than getting married would and its what we wanted to do

I've heard this so often I want to scream... why does it *have* to be baby or wedding? Why can't you do both?

Weddings can be arranged to almost any budget, as can babies... so both (wedding and then baby) are perfectly possible.

daska

moneypuddle wrote: »

I can't think of anything worse than marrying someone I've not had sex with. How would you know you were compatible. Seems a bit extreme to me!

Unless they're using a turkey baster I would assume having babies before marriage might be a little tricky if they don't.

Millie2008_2

I changed my surname to his and we have written wills.

This is what I am planning to do before bump arrives I will keep my title and old name for work, but will be Mrs OH for everything else. Makes perfect sense

One day we will get married, but when it suits us and it will be how we both want it to be

moneypuddle

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I've heard this so often I want to scream... why does it *have* to be baby or wedding? Why can't you do both?

Weddings can be arranged to almost any budget, as can babies... so both (wedding and then baby) are perfectly possible.

Well I guess it depends on what you want and can afford. If you want a budget wedding and a small pot of savings for a baby, go for it. But for us, and the type of wedding we would want, we would rather delay it and have it later on rather than compromise now. Plus I don't have a very good maternity package through work, so needed to save 6k just to top up my own wages whilst on maternity leave. I don't want to feel the effects of being on maternity, and don't want to have to say no to doing anything whilst on leave.

Torry_Quine

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

That is a noble sentiment but I think sex forms part of a relationship that could develop into a lifetime commitment.

We'll have to disagree here. I don't think my view is particularly noble though. :rotfl::rotfl:

claire16c wrote: »

Well no1. there's a thing called contraception.

And no.2 what if you were married, but didnt want to have children for years after the marriage?

Are you seriously suggesting people abstain for years on end until they actually want a baby?



For myself, I couldnt imagine having a baby out of marriage unless it was an accident. For the reason that to me marriage is important, and I would not have wanted to have had a baby with a boyfriend, who did not want to marry me.

If marriage is not important to both partners, then it would be different.

Its entirely up to the couple whether they should abstain and for what period of time. I also don't like to call a baby 'an accident' rather I like the term unplanned.