What is your opinion on children before marriage?

kimbyanne

I am just wondering what everyone's opinion is on having children before marriage? I was discussing it with friends the other day, some people see marriage as "old fashioned" and that so long as you are in a stable relationship why wait to be married to have children.

Others see it as a process - you get married then you have children and it is "wrong" to do it any other way.

For me, I think I would prefer to be married before I have children purely on how I was raised (my grandad was very old fashioned and use to constantly go on about how you must be married before having children so it was drummed into me) However, if I wasn't married I don't think it would be a massive issue for me.

I am just wondering what others think?

fannyanna

Have them when you're ready and not when society deems you're at the point where you should be having them (or not be having them).

Gigglepig

I don't think marriage as such is relevant, but it is important to know someone really well before having kids with them.

Presumably, if someone is good enough to be the parent of your children then they'd already be more than good enough for marriage... so unless people don't see the point in marriage at all, it makes sense that the two go together...

lazer

I think the ideal situation is to be married before having children, as it is the most stable environment for a child to be brought up in.
I know its an old fashioned view, but I don't see any reason why it should be?

However others will counter this by saying marriage is only a piece of paper, I am in a stable relationship without being married, so why not have a child, however I see marriage as a legal lifelong committement to each other - and with it comes automatic PR, next of kin etc.

I think it is wrong to judge people for having children outside of marriage, and do not want to go back to the olden days where young girls were sent to homes and had their children taken off them etc, but I also think society has gone too far in that a large percentage (possibly majority) of children are now born outside of marriage, and it has almost become the norm. In my view the ideal situation is children should be born into a loving family with 2 married parents.

daska

Marriage (not a wedding) is important if you plan to have kids because of the legal protection it provides. It means that the weaker party, or the survivor, isn't left out in the cold when something untoward happens. IF you don't get married then you can literally find yourself with nothing. There's a thread at the moment where a man is asking for help because his uncle's partner of 27 years has died intestate and her sister has stopped him arranging the funeral and is likely to inherit her estate. There was another one not long back where a mum had been turfed out of her home and had no right to return because it was all in her partner's name. I have a friend who's partner of 40 years died and their family turned up the next day and changed the locks on him. Marriage is a property contract, it's there for your protection, and it's cheap at twice the cost.

balletshoes

my personal opinion is that a marriage certificate is a piece of red tape, which didn't remotely change my feelings towards my OH nor our plans to have a baby together. If it hadn't been more impractical (long story, 2 different countries involved etc etc) for us to settle together as a family without being married, I wouldn't have got married at all.

We had our child before we were married, she was 1 when we tied the knot.

I do think its generally best for a child to be born and raised in a stable household, where they have a dad and mum around. This doesn't mean I think mum and dad need to be married. And of course, kids can have stable backgrounds without one of their parents living with them.

Is marriage seen as old fashioned these days? I wouldn't have thought so, when you look at all the Bridezilla/Don't Tell the Bride/celebrity bride TV programmes and magazines about it all. Ah wait, thats a wedding, not a marriage .

I do think the idea that couples have to be/definitely should be married to raise a family together has lessened in recent years.

Errata

Statistics show that on average living together relationships don't last as long as marriages. On that basis it would seem sensible to have children inside a marriage.

VestanPance

I'm old fashioned, as I think it should be done when married. Long term unmarried couples who don't want to marry is perfectly fine too, but I can't help shaking my head when you get the 'I met a bloke three months ago and now I'm pregnant' stories.

I guess that puts me with being fine with it for long term couples married or not, but look down on those people that just go out on a baby hunt. Not a PC thing to say, but I firmly believe there are very few "accidents" despite what the parties involved may claim.

Idiophreak

I'm not really interested in whether someone's got a piece of paper saying "we're married" or not before they have kids (although, as above, legally it's kinda the smart thing to do, anyway) - but I do think people should be committed to each other for life before deciding to have children.

But then I'm probably just old and boring.....

Bufger

lazer wrote: »

I think the ideal situation is to be married before having children, as it is the most stable environment for a child to be brought up in.
I know its an old fashioned view, but I don't see any reason why it should be?

However others will counter this by saying marriage is only a piece of paper, I am in a stable relationship without being married, so why not have a child, however I see marriage as a legal lifelong committement to each other - and with it comes automatic PR, next of kin etc.

I think it is wrong to judge people for having children outside of marriage, and do not want to go back to the olden days where young girls were sent to homes and had their children taken off them etc, but I also think society has gone too far in that a large percentage (possibly majority) of children are now born outside of marriage, and it has almost become the norm. In my view the ideal situation is children should be born into a loving family with 2 married parents.

Marriage is symbolic but it doesnt mean you're any more stable as a couple than you were before. I was with my OH 10 years before we married. We had 1 child out of marriage and one a year in.

I think its important that the parents live together and have seen the very best and worst of each other - that way they know they can ride the storm and have a chance of lasting.

dizsiebubba

It's outrageous....:rotfl:

I joke... i'm not married!