What is your opinion on children before marriage?

Torry_Quine

claire16c wrote: »

But why abstain when you could just use contraception?

A 'Happy Accident' then

As I said its up to the couple themselves but they must remember there is no 100% contraception.

Like that phrase better.:)

scottishchick27

claire16c wrote: »

Just out of curiosity what factor meant that you changed your name?


.

I changed it just before DD went to school as she had her dads surname and I didn't want to have a different surname from her.

scottishchick27

claire16c wrote: »

For myself, I couldnt imagine having a baby out of marriage unless it was an accident. For the reason that to me marriage is important, and I would not have wanted to have had a baby with a boyfriend, who did not want to marry me.

If marriage is not important to both partners, then it would be different.

my OH did propose to me 10 years ago so we are engaged, he did also suggest setting a date a couple of years after that but I was happy just knowing he wanted to marry me and that was enough for me.

Dunroamin

Noctu wrote: »

Absolutely, hence so many middle aged+ couples splitting up nowadays as they married their first/second boyfriend/girlfriend and wanted the lifestyle that marriage brought!

My mum did just that, married her second ever boyfriend because she wanted to move out of the family home... (they are now divorced and I am the product of a rebound boyfriend! LOL)

That's a bit daft - many older people left home and moved into house/flat shares years before they settled down and got married!

Dunroamin

Millie2008 wrote: »

This is what I am planning to do before bump arrives I will keep my title and old name for work, but will be Mrs OH for everything else. Makes perfect sense

One day we will get married, but when it suits us and it will be how we both want it to be

Sorry, changing your name after marriage is silly enough, changing it without even being married makes no sense at all.

MarilynMonroe_2

I don't think it matters. I did decide to have one though after I got married, but then we split up.
I think in 2012 it doesnt matter if youre wed or not.

TimBear

I don't have children yet but would like them at some point.

I don't think you 'have' to be married to have children, but I would like to be before I do. If things happen another way then so be it, but I think it's really just because I'd like the same name as my children and also from a financial point of view I think it's more sensible for me to do it that way. I don't want an extravagant wedding by any means but I expect it to cost me a fair bit never the less.

Most of my friends who have children though aren't married but they are all (bar one) in a long term relationship with the father of their child(ren), with their own homes etc.

madison-nyc

kimbyanne wrote: »

I am just wondering what everyone's opinion is on having children before marriage? I was discussing it with friends the other day, some people see marriage as "old fashioned" and that so long as you are in a stable relationship why wait to be married to have children.

Others see it as a process - you get married then you have children and it is "wrong" to do it any other way.

For me, I think I would prefer to be married before I have children purely on how I was raised (my grandad was very old fashioned and use to constantly go on about how you must be married before having children so it was drummed into me) However, if I wasn't married I don't think it would be a massive issue for me.

I am just wondering what others think?

Call me old fashioned but I chose to wait until i was married before we tried for a baby , just felt the right way for us although we did live together for aorund 12 months before actually getting married. Kids are 5 and 3 now and both love watching our wedding dvd and looking at the pics etc.

pimento

Back at the beginning of the 20th century there were plenty of couples who didn't marry because they couldn't afford it but they pretended they were married (my great grandparents were one). They had six children and she called herself Mrs. Jones.

They didn't have the piece of paper but they stayed together and I think this is because back then, there was some shame involved if you had children outside of marriage. These days nobody has any shame. Do what you like, say what you like nobody will challenge you.

Marriage may be just a piece of paper but it does give protection where property and inheritance is concerned.

onlyroz

People should do whatever is best for them. However, I wanted to be married before having children - partly because it just felt "right" and partly for all the legal reasons that Daska talked about. People who never intend to get married really should make sure that their wills are watertight and their property is in both names.

What I don't get is why people intend to marry but then have the baby first. If you're going to do both anyway then surely you might as well do it the right way round?