Ex husbands new wife a nightmare! Csa help!

shegirl

Marisco wrote: »

In that case then, CTC and WTC of the NPR's new family shouldn't be taken into consideration when assessing CM either.

It would make things a lot easier and less narky for both sides if both of those ideas applied!

nearlyrich

Marisco wrote: »

In that case then, CTC and WTC of the NPR's new family shouldn't be taken into consideration when assessing CM either.

I don't disagree, but both parents of a child have a responsibility to contribute to the financial costs of bringng them up. Too many people just absolve themselves of all responsibility letting the other parent and/or the tax payer pick up the tab.

Marisco

nearlyrich wrote: »

I don't disagree, but both parents of a child have a responsibility to contribute to the financial costs of bringng them up. Too many people just absolve themselves of all responsibility letting the other parent and/or the tax payer pick up the tab.

Absolutely, but if you are going to disregard one, then in fairness you have to disregard the other.

fannyanna

lovinituk wrote: »

Does he still see your children? Its not nice to think, but perhaps he has moved on and is concentrating on the children he sees everyday.

Natalie3344 wrote: »

My ex won't see his girls and I phoned him about three years ago to let him know something had happened to his daughter and he told me to go away (not so politely begins with f and ends with f) and hung up!

This is where the problem lies. He's moved on with his life and is trying to put his Wife and other children (that he has a relationship with) first.

It's kind of understandable but he does still have responsibility to your children and you have my sympathies. I hope you're able to find a solution.

clearingout

fannyanna wrote: »

This is where the problem lies. He's moved on with his life and is trying to put his Wife and other children (that he has a relationship with) first.

It's kind of understandable but he does still have responsibility to your children and you have my sympathies. I hope you're able to find a solution.

We all move on with our lives following relationship breakdown - I agree some people manage it more quickly and/or more easily than others (in both a positive and negative sense!) - but any children of any relationship should always be of equal importance in a parent's life, surely? I consider that my children will always come first and whilst they don't get to dictate my future, if they were unable to like a new partner, I would seriously have to consider my future with that person. I certainly don't believe that I would ever try to please a new partner by putting my children second. It's just not reasonable and I struggle to see that it's even 'kind of understandable'.

fishybusiness

whilst they don't get to dictate my future, if they were unable to like a new partner, I would seriously have to consider my future with that person

Really?

Imagine meeting the person of your dreams and setting up house together, only to find your children don't like your new partner.

Happened to me, only not a don't like, one of my kids didn't like, the other was ok. How to sort that out? Very difficult, and breaking a relationship for my kids, no, not really an option.

It was more about one of children wanting my partner out of the way because 'they already had a mummy'. It was a lot more difficult to sort out than simply putting them first. I wonder what 'first' really means?

Btw, it took three years for everything to settle down in our world.

shegirl

Already replied to your pm op,but as I said get a departure application in-you can see the difference it makes now!

fannyanna

clearingout wrote: »

It's just not reasonable and I struggle to see that it's even 'kind of understandable'.

It is understandable that he is trying to put the children he has a relationship with first (over and above the children he does not have a relationship with).

I'm not talking about the rights and wrongs of the fact that he doesn't have a relationship with the OP's children!

Edited to say:

I strongly believe that women and men bond differently with their children. I think that for a lot of women their children are the most important thing in their lives. I do not think that men feel the same (of course I’m not saying that they don’t care or have feelings for their children).

There’s also a huge difference between being a resident parent (normally the Mother) and being a non resident parent (normally the Father) and I think that also has a massive impact on the relationship the parent has with the child.

Yes, it’s stereotypical and not everyone is going to fit the mould but that’s what I think. Some people might agree, some might disagree – doesn’t matter because we’re all entitled to our opinions and that's what creates healthy debate.

mrs_motivated

Firefox1975 wrote: »

If your salon is that succesful what difference does the money make?

Because her ex has a responsibility to support HIS children irrespective of what their mum earns

Keighleyweb

Hi, I am in your situation but from the other side. Both me and my husband are previously divorced and each have a child from our first marriage and a child together. My maintenance is by private arrangement and isn't a problem but my husband pays through the CSA and is on CSA1. It not just our mortgage that is taken into account but my child benefit, my salary and my daughters maintenance as its all classed as household income this has badly effected my relationship with my stepson. I totally understand your frustation with the CSA I have sat many a times in tears with them as at one point my husband was paying £108.00 per week for one child. Some Dad's want to pay but we get the CSA used as threat when we don't do what she wants. Good Luck as CSA1 is a mine field.