Would you pay to go to a wedding?

spiritsfree

merrydance wrote: »

Hen night
Just a bit of background story. My niece is getting married in Las Vegas. My family cannot afford to go and have told my sister (her mum) we will not be going. I have 2 grown up daughters neither has been asked to be a bridesmaid, although my niece was bridesmaid at my older daughter's wedding 2 years ago. I have now been asked to go to the hen do. It's going to be held in Brighton and will cost £100 plus £100 spending money. I am very broke at the moment and would like to spend the money on other things ie one of my daughter's is having a baby in May, and it's my other daughters birthday in May and she would like us to see a musical in London.
My sister is cross with me and said I should go as I am not going to the wedding. I thought hen dos were for young people - I am 56 for goodness sake and don't want to be stuck in a house with a load of twenty year olds giggling and getting drunk. What would you do? Am I just being an old sour puss?

Live your own life and don`t let others dictate or blackmail you....look after your own !! There`s no such thing as "should", and as money is tight, use it as YOU choose

CH27

merrydance wrote: »

Hen night
Just a bit of background story. My niece is getting married in Las Vegas. My family cannot afford to go and have told my sister (her mum) we will not be going. I have 2 grown up daughters neither has been asked to be a bridesmaid, although my niece was bridesmaid at my older daughter's wedding 2 years ago. I have now been asked to go to the hen do. It's going to be held in Brighton and will cost £100 plus £100 spending money. I am very broke at the moment and would like to spend the money on other things ie one of my daughter's is having a baby in May, and it's my other daughters birthday in May and she would like us to see a musical in London.
My sister is cross with me and said I should go as I am not going to the wedding. I thought hen dos were for young people - I am 56 for goodness sake and don't want to be stuck in a house with a load of twenty year olds giggling and getting drunk. What would you do? Am I just being an old sour puss?

Your sister is out of order pressuring to spend money you cannot spare.
Say no & spent it on your daughter.

lady1964

Mojisola wrote: »

Keep the money for my own family!

Tell sister if she wants to me to go so desperately, she can pay for me.

^^^^ This

What a nerve!! Regardless of there being lots of 20 somethings giggling etc, your daughter's new baby and your other daughter's birthday are more important and I dare say they will appreciate much more what money is spent on them/new baby.

Don't feel guilty about spending money on your own DD's and not on a hen do you don't seem to want to go to anyway!

securityguy

merrydance wrote: »

Hen night...My niece

Since when did hen nights include mothers and aunts?

Gloomendoom

merrydance wrote: »

What would you do? Am I just being an old sour puss?

I wouldn't go. In the same circumstances, I wouldn't feel bad about it either.

Pollycat

merrydance wrote: »

Hen night
Just a bit of background story. My niece is getting married in Las Vegas. My family cannot afford to go and have told my sister (her mum) we will not be going. I have 2 grown up daughters neither has been asked to be a bridesmaid, although my niece was bridesmaid at my older daughter's wedding 2 years ago. I have now been asked to go to the hen do. It's going to be held in Brighton and will cost £100 plus £100 spending money. I am very broke at the moment and would like to spend the money on other things ie one of my daughter's is having a baby in May, and it's my other daughters birthday in May and she would like us to see a musical in London.
My sister is cross with me and said I should go as I am not going to the wedding. I thought hen dos were for young people - I am 56 for goodness sake and don't want to be stuck in a house with a load of twenty year olds giggling and getting drunk. What would you do? Am I just being an old sour puss?

Nobody - but nobody - tells me what to spend my money on!

Exactly why is your sister cross with you?
Because you can't go to the wedding in Las Vegas?

That's not your fault really, is it?
It wasn't you who chose a ceremony that would involve other people forking out large amounts of cash to attend. (Don't get me started on people who want to get married abroad but then expect the whole family/friends to spend vast sums to attend. ).

You have an invitation to a hen do - an invitation is not compulsory, you are allowed to not accept it.

TBH, the things you say you want to spend your money on seem far more important than a hen do.

Stick to your guns and spend your money as you would like to instead of what someone else tells you you should do.

chrisv24

I agree that it is completely ridiculous to ask your guests to pay for food. As it is they'll have to pay for a gift, transport to the venue and any additional drinks they decided to get. It just doesn't make sense to get everyone to pay (especially when most people don't really have weddings on the top of their weekend agenda).

I would say, pay for the food but take it out of the present you were going to get her....... or get her some buy one get one free meal vouchers as a gift

janninew

securityguy wrote: »

Since when did hen nights include mothers and aunts?

All the Hen Nights I've been on have involved Mum's, Aunt's etc! I went to Alton Towers and round Manchester last weekend for a Hen Party and both Mum's were there, why wouldn't they be?! It was just a good day and night out, nothing risque involved!

Pollycat

This thread is getting a bit confusing as it started out about whether it is acceptable for a bride to ask guests to pay for their own food (7/9/2012 with the last post on 10/9/2012).

Then it was resurrected on 12/2/2013 which resulted in more comments on the original topic over a number of days - digressing to discuss Christmas present etiquette - before returning to the original topic.

Then hen parties were brought into the discussion and has been resurrected again yesterday about feeling pressured to go on hen parties.

:huh:

Amanda65

merrydance wrote: »

Hen night
Just a bit of background story. My niece is getting married in Las Vegas. My family cannot afford to go and have told my sister (her mum) we will not be going. I have 2 grown up daughters neither has been asked to be a bridesmaid, although my niece was bridesmaid at my older daughter's wedding 2 years ago. I have now been asked to go to the hen do. It's going to be held in Brighton and will cost £100 plus £100 spending money. I am very broke at the moment and would like to spend the money on other things ie one of my daughter's is having a baby in May, and it's my other daughters birthday in May and she would like us to see a musical in London.
My sister is cross with me and said I should go as I am not going to the wedding. I thought hen dos were for young people - I am 56 for goodness sake and don't want to be stuck in a house with a load of twenty year olds giggling and getting drunk. What would you do? Am I just being an old sour puss?

If you and your DD's are close to your niece, I would suggest that the three of you, your niece and her Mum all get together for a mini hen 'do' before she gets married. I would invite her over for afternoon 'tea' which you could make either a really 'posh' tea or a fun one (have seen a brilliant idea in a magazine where you pick up tea pots and mismatched cups and saucers from a charity shop and make cocktails in the tea pots), sarnie, cup cakes etc. and all have fun together reminiscing about times they spent together growing up (if they did). It could be done very cheaply and you could make it very memorable and special for her.