Funeral clothes for a toddler.

fluffnutter

sulkisu wrote: »

My son's grandfather passed away recently and we will be attending the funeral. It will be a traditional church service.
My son is 20 months old and I'm not sure what to dress him in. I know that you can get suits for toddlers but I personally don't think it's necessary to buy something that he will only wear once and will soon outgrow. He has a pair of very dark jeans and I was planning on buying a dark top to go with it. My partner is okay with this, but other family members have raised an eyebrow - made tutting noises etc. Had anyone been in a similar situation and what did you buy/dress the child in?

I think kids look a bit weird in overly formal clothes. I'm going to a funeral this week and will need to take my 8 week old baby with me (would rather not, but I've got no one to leave him with). I'm just going to dress him normally, nothing with cartoon dogs on it, but just a plain, darkish babygro.

I think it's more important that people just go and pay their respects. I think it's a little over the top to worry about what toddlers and babies are wearing. What you've got planned sounds fine.

Flugelhorn

my son was 5 at his grandfather's funeral and wore Navy trousers and his very favourite bright red jumper. Personally I think children (and adults) should wear bright colours to a funeral if they wish as a reminder that life goes on and the funeral is to remember the person who has died positively.

barbiedoll

When my ex-FIL died, my ex-MIL specifically asked me to wear my brand new, very expensive, bright red coat because..."Dad thought you looked smashing in that coat"
She also asked her other daughter-in-law to dress her 3 year old in her favourite fairy outfit as she knew how upset she was at losing her grandpa and she wanted her to give him a "wave of her wand and a waggle of her wings, to say goodbye". She herself refused to wear black as her husband always told her that it made her look old and she wouldn't have dreamed of not complying with his wishes.

Predictably, there were a few tutters who either commented on my red coat or the baby's fairy wings and wand. MIL was magnificent, telling folk that "Dad would hate the girls to be dressed in black, they're not old women after all"

Ignore the tutters, dark jeans are perfectly acceptable for a toddler. I admire you for taking him anyway, so many people think that children should be hidden away for funerals and weddings come to that. Why shouldn't he be there? It's his granddad after all.
Condolences to you all.

lovesabargain123

Not read any other replies so sorry if I'm repeating...

When my grandfather died my youngest was just 3 but the size of a 1yr old.. We left him with hubbies family on the actual day but the day after when the ashes where buried we took him with us.

I hate toddlers in suits for any occasion, I think it's too much for them and they don't have the freedom or comfort to move about it.

I dressed him in a little mini man outfit that was navy and cream, no one batted an eye lid and I felt he was comfy and smart...

I'm sorry for your loss, I honestly think the little one will be a nice distraction on a very sad day and if anyone cares what he wears that's their problem not yours x

POPPYOSCAR

SevenOfNine wrote: »

Seems like you already had the answer to your own question!

I quite agree.

I would be opting for the Arsenal kit as well!!

POPPYOSCAR

barbiedoll wrote: »

When my ex-FIL died, my ex-MIL specifically asked me to wear my brand new, very expensive, bright red coat because..."Dad thought you looked smashing in that coat"
She also asked her other daughter-in-law to dress her 3 year old in her favourite fairy outfit as she knew how upset she was at losing her grandpa and she wanted her to give him a "wave of her wand and a waggle of her wings, to say goodbye". She herself refused to wear black as her husband always told her that it made her look old and she wouldn't have dreamed of not complying with his wishes.

Predictably, there were a few tutters who either commented on my red coat or the baby's fairy wings and wand. MIL was magnificent, telling folk that "Dad would hate the girls to be dressed in black, they're not old women after all"

Ignore the tutters, dark jeans are perfectly acceptable for a toddler. I admire you for taking him anyway, so many people think that children should be hidden away for funerals and weddings come to that. Why shouldn't he be there? It's his granddad after all.
Condolences to you all.

How wonderful!!:)

chris_n_tj

First of all i am sorry for your loss. xx
My Grandaugtherr was 8 months old when my Mum died at Christmas, as there wasnt anyone who could look after her she came with us.
She was dressed in her normal everday clothes, which i think was fine for a baby. I wouldnt like to see a baby/small child dressed in black.

Just go with whatever you feel is best for your child. Think about what his grandfather would say to you if you could have asked him the question. My bet would be he wouldnt mind what anyone wore.
xxx

meritaten

I think that a toddler looks strange in black - I would just choose the most subdued clothes he already has. I have been in this situation and in others where children were present. I thoroughly approve of children attending the service - but in this traditional part of SE Wales there were many who were 'tutting' at children being there - never mind what they were wearing. It is down to the family hun - ignore all others!!!!

lostinrates

pollypenny wrote: »

Toddlers and babies look grotesque in suits. I wouldn't buy anything specially for the funeral - just dress him in something he already has, maybe his least flamboyant.

I agree totally about toddlers and small children in suits. To the person who mentioned Victorian times, lounge suits would have been ridiculous then and more so on a small child. In the past people did not have dozens of outfits for children! A friends husband dresses their toddler in ridiculous suits under the impression that it makes him 'posh' and the father and granny strut around looking down on people whose children are comfortably dressed in appropriate clothes playing, cooing over the boy trussed up in his suit which they don't want to get dirty. No one has yet been able to disillusion them that this is not what the social class they aspire to be do to their kids.

In the more recent past, when any tuttting older generation people were kids it might have been shorts, knee socks and a jumper, maybe a blazer, but not for a tiny tot i don't think.

I would dress him in something comfortable and understated. I would not spend money on somethiong that will not fit him, that will have sad memories for you. He is peobably going to be cuddled a lot and strange or many people will say hello to him. It will be exhausting and trying for him, and for his parents. He can at least be physically comfortable.

I hope it goes as comfortably as it can for you all.

bylromarha

sulkisu wrote: »

As for the 'funerals are no place for a 20 month old baby' brigade. I didn't ask for opinions on whether I should take him. However

A) it was his grandfathers wish
it is his grandmother's wish
C) he will only attend the church service (not the burial or graveside) and I will take him outside if/when he gets restless
D) the service is no longer than the Sunday church service that we attend every week - and he's fine there
E) Children and babies of all ages will be there
F) as his mother, do you really think that the question of whether it was appropriate for him to attend a funeral or not had not crossed my mind?

Well said.

So sorry for your loss.

Can I suggest you have a quick think about the age of the tutters - I suspect they are of the older generation who feel funerals should look a certain way and mourners should be a certain way.

The few funerals my kids have attended throughout their life (now 8 and 6), they have worn smart(er) clothes that already existed in their wardrobes - bright or not depending on the wishes of the deceased. Can I vote for the Arsenal kit as well?

Every funeral my kids have attended, I have been prepared for a walk outside should they become restless or disturb others and everytime my kids have impressed me and the other mourners by having a real sense of what is expected of them.