Punishment suggestion?

Gavin83

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Seriously, the grinders do not belong to friends and there is no reason for them to be in their posession apart from the obvious.

I agree with this but Im sure the OP already knows this. It's not relevant to this discussion anyway, this is about stealing not the pros and cons of drug use.

Seanymph

Yes Gavin, and I didn't accuse anyone - I just came on here to gain ideas on what I could do IF I found out he had, once again, stolen from family members.

I was impatient - and I guess it's a sad thing that I immediately thought he had done that. It's also a product of his history, it's a sad truth that when you lose trust it takes a lot to regain it - this highlights that actually I still don't trust him at all I guess, I thought I was further along than that.

But it wasn't me being irrational - he has done it before, many times, so accusing him is an indicator that I still don't trust him, but not that I am vindictive, just that I still obviously am very affected by the times he's stolen before. More so than I realised.

marisco_2

I wouldn't be at all pleased to discover this was going on. However my first thoughts would to be to find out why and address the problem, instead of thinking of a punishment. My fear would be that he was stealing to sell these possessions on to fund a drink or drug habit.

maman

I think you really need to find out why your daughter is 'looking after' tobacco and drug paraphernalia for a a friend. Obviously it's wrong for your step-son to be going through anyone's drawers and bag but I'd be questioning why these things are in your home. It's hard to take a strong line with him about theft when other worrying things seem to be happening around him.

Fire_Fox

Gavin83 wrote: »

I agree with this but Im sure the OP already knows this. It's not relevant to this discussion anyway, this is about stealing not the pros and cons of drug use.

Sorry but if you think you can separate substance abuse from lying and stealing you are naive.

Seanymph

Because so many people are banging the drug drum I will reply - just the once.

I am not interested in what she had in her possession. At all. This post isn't about the WHAT, it's about the potential drawer ruffling and theft.

However, the tobacco was several years ago, after a college trip, and I know the friend she was with, who wasn't carrying a bag, and I know that the friend put the tobacco into her bag because she had the rucksack. I also know SS stole it. He wasn't alerted to it, he must have gone into her bedroom and gone through the bag.

I also know the friend who was at our house who left the leaf cutter. He rolled a joint to have on his walk home and left it on my table. My daughter took it into her room and stashed it in a drawer to give it back to him on his next visit because she knew I'd be cross that he was rolling joints in my house.

She doesn't take drugs, she doesn't smoke - I know a lot about drugs, her father is a user, she has been exposed to drugs her entire life.

Many of her college friends do take drugs and smoke - she doesn't.

SS does smoke, although not in front of me, or in or around the house - I wouldn't tolerate it. He also has admitted trying cannabis - and has friends who are stoners. I have no idea if he regularly does it or not.

She definitely did have possession of other people's property, he may or may not have had possession of other people's property.

It was my suspicion of his drug use (because of his new friendships and current behaviour) that caused OH to search yesterday - a search that turned up the leaf cutter.

If I want to bat around ideas around his potential drug use I'll start a thread on it.

THIS thread was started because he has stolen money from me, from my business, he's taken my bank card and withdrawn money - and he's stolen from DD's bag before. I thought it possible that he'd stolen from her room again.

Turns out he hasn't, and it's my failure to move on from his past behaviour by jumping to conclusions.

So now perhaps it's about my need to reflect on NOT blaming him until I have proof.

As parents we don't - that's why OH was searching yesterday - we don't act on suspicions, we find proof first....... I logged on with suspicions to work out a way to deal with it if he HAD once again gone through my daughters things and taken something.

He hasn't.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Leave them to sort it out. And if that means a punchup, well, it's to be expected.




But seriously. She owns a grinder and rolling tobacco and you believe that it isn't hers? She's no more innocent than he is. Hence leaving them to it if there's a problem again.

pinkclouds

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

But seriously. She owns a grinder and rolling tobacco and you believe that it isn't hers? She's no more innocent than he is.

To be honest, I'm thinking the teens are either covering for each other or blaming each other or both.

starrybee

Yes I think op is looking at her daughter through some very rose-tinted glasses.

aliasojo

What on earth has the daughter's actions got to do with the fact the boy is/has been stealing?

Not a thing imo. Two separate issues. Only one of which the OP is asking about.

I hate to say this OP but the boy seems to have a strong sense of 'entitlement' (as inferred by his 'I take what I want' comment). This will be harder to change than a simple case of stealing.

However, if he didn't take the cutter this time, when was the last time he did actually steal? I'm wondering if it's recent and that's why you feel as you do or if it was some time ago now and perhaps you are being unfair continuing to judge him on it?

Btw, did you see the cutter? Yellow and orange could be one and the same depending on who views it.