Punishment suggestion?

barbarawright

conradmum wrote: »

If I lived with someone who was in the habit of going through my stuff I'd put a lock on my door. That's common sense, not suffering.

The boy's habit of stealing money seems to be in the past now. His other habit of going through his sibling's things seems, from what I read, very common behaviour in adolescents. Not good behaviour, but not unusual.

I used to do this. I only had much older brothers and I was curious about their stuff that seemed so very different from mine. Stepson may feel the same (especially as he knows there are contraband goods in hiding).

Is he really spoiled or is this just the usual perception of older siblings? ('I had to go to bed at 9pm when I was 11 but little Johnny gets to stay up until 10.30' sort of thing).

Seanymph, you sound like a great and caring stepmum if who is having to do the job of both parents. But I know I would have been as dysfunctional as you stepson if my mum was dead and my father had written me off and my elder siblings (half? step?) were going on about how spoiled I was. Poor kid.

NewKittenHelp

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

my parents trust me, i was in no way destructive in my behaviour how youve drawn to that conclusion i would like to know!? perfect example of tarnidsh with same brush, yes it did bother me my friends took things on a friday night that could kill them, they werent dependant on pills, they saw it it as a recriational thing i didnt it didnt interest me so i watched out for them all.

I wouldn't call hanging around with wasters to be anything other than destructive. There's a difference between trusting your children and neglecting your duties as a parent.

If I were in your situation my parents would have stopped me from spending time with such negative influences and instead ensured that I was up to date with my learning and homework.

NewKittenHelp

conradmum wrote: »

If I lived with someone who was in the habit of going through my stuff I'd put a lock on my door. That's common sense, not suffering.

You said

If your stepson is 'only stealing stuff he wants', which seems to me to be perfectly logical, as who would steal stuff they didn't want? then one answer is not to put temptation in his way.

That's the part I was responding to, not putting locks on doors.

The problem is with the thief so the thief should be inconvenienced, not the innocent victims. They shouldn't have to suffer by not having stuff that he might steal.

mrs_sparrow

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

I wouldn't call hanging around with wasters to be anything other than destructive. There's a difference between trusting your children and neglecting your duties as a parent.

If I were in your situation my parents would have stopped me from spending time with such negative influences and instead ensured that I was up to date with my learning and homework.

I used to do the same form ages 18-25 but my post has not been picked on.

I was out, I was working, I was not in trouble with the law, etc... these were just the people I hung out with, with the same interests as me except the drug taking. Crikey, I must have been the only person in the early 90's not to have tried E on the rave scene. However, the stories about seeing spiders when high on the stuff was enough to put me off ever trying it. Did not stop me being on the rave scene though.

ETA: the poster you are talking about used to take the car home from the club - so that kind of implies that she was over 18 (or there abouts) a bit old for her parents to be choosing her friends for her also.

peachyprice

Seanymph wrote: »

It's that not giving a jot - it could be teenage uncaringness - or he could have something not computing right - but his father thinks he's 'just useless' and isn't minded to pursue it, so I can't really, and I wouldn't know where to start.

That can't be helping can it, his only living parent thinking he's useless.

It sounds like this problem goes far beyond anything you can do and more to do with the way his father regards him.

conradmum

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

You said

That's the part I was responding to, not putting locks on doors.

The problem is with the thief so the thief should be inconvenienced, not the innocent victims. They shouldn't have to suffer by not having stuff that he might steal.

Oh, sorry, I get you now. But as the stuff he stole was tobacco and a marijuana leaf cutter, that reportedly didn't belong to his sister anyway, I don't think it would be inconveniencing her not to have them.

Seanymph

We wouldn't put locks on doors.

Every time we address it, do the whole 'never again' thing and try to move forwards - putting locks on doors would REALLY be pointing the finger and labelling him in our opinion.

So I'm afraid locks are not going to happen.

And he didn't do it on this occasion so it's a moot point.

As for his fathers opinion, I was being glib, and paraphrasing - it's not what's said to SS - but I was expressing that OH doesn't consider that SS needs intervention or professional help. He feels that SS is making his own life choices (albeit wrong ones) and is responsbile for theiving - not that he has any condition inhibiting him from making the wrong choices.

And of course you are right - every one of our five kids feels that the others are more spoilt than they are.... but the fact remains that SS is youngest, and the youngest, even down to the bedtime example, tends to get away with more than the oldest who breaks the ground and negotiates the changes in rules.

NewKittenHelp

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

I used to do the same form ages 18-25 but my post has not been picked on.

I was out, I was working, I was not in trouble with the law, etc... these were just the people I hung out with, with the same interests as me except the drug taking. Crikey, I must have been the only person in the early 90's not to have tried E on the rave scene. However, the stories about seeing spiders when high on the stuff was enough to put me off ever trying it. Did not stop me being on the rave scene though.

ETA: the poster you are talking about used to take the car home from the club - so that kind of implies that she was over 18 (or there abouts) a bit old for her parents to be choosing her friends for her also.

The car thing threw me, but the childish use of language and the mention of the school gave me the impression that it had been going on for a long time. Certainly long enough to affect educational standards.

I also think there's a difference between being 'on the race scene' and spending all your time with known 'druggies' and 'alkies'.

NewKittenHelp

conradmum wrote: »

Oh, sorry, I get you now. But as the stuff he stole was tobacco and a marijuana leaf cutter, that reportedly didn't belong to his sister anyway, I don't think it would be inconveniencing her not to have them.

So it's OK that he steals things, just as long as those things don't inconvenience the people he's taking them from? They don't belong to him!

conradmum

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

So it's OK that he steals things, just as long as those things don't inconvenience the people he's taking them from? They don't belong to him!

Where did I say it was OK that he steals things?

(Not that he has actually stolen anything this time, it seems.)