Punishment suggestion?

Seanymph

If your Step son was going through the drawers and stealing from your other children's rooms (he is 16, they are 17 and 18) - what would you consider a suitable punishment/way to deal with it?

Spirit_2

A discussion with him to assure myself of understanding that he has done this. How many times it has happened.

A recognition before you got going that teenagers/children do some times help themselves to other peoples stuff.

Find out why he did it,what he has done with it, how he plans to return and/or replace it .

How he plans to to rebuild trust in himself.

If he does not volunteer any apology or making amends would his parent agree to 'realising' the financial value through selling some of his belongings to make good the loss.

Main lesson is that theft has consequence to relationships and your own liberties and assets.

daphne_descends

What is he stealing and why?

SavingPennies_2

Is is malicious stealing or a case of thoughtless borrowing?

If the other children are "yours" and he is your step son is there some resentment/jealousy there?

You dont have to answer these, just giving some ideas for what is behind the stealing as this should be reflected in the harshness of the punishment I think.

Fire_Fox

What are you regular punishment/ sanctions for bad behaviour? Do you know why he is stealing or what he is looking for?

Seanymph

He has historically stolen money - been caught three times, maybe more.

He has stolen tobacco from my daughters handbag (it wasn't hers) - and has now stolen a leaf cutter (for drug use) from a drawer in her room (also not hers).

However, he must be going through her drawers and bag to find these things - he is then selective and only stealing stuff he wants.

During the stealing stages (lots of school/parent support involvement) he was clear in saying 'if someone had something he wanted he would take it from them, no matter who it was'. That was several years ago.

It is possible that he took the cutter from her room (also possible he didnt') - however I am at a loss now as to what to do if it turns out he did.

When confronted (he was caught with it) - he said it was 'a friends' who had 'given it to him to look after'.

I told my daughter about it today - and she said 'if it was yellow he's stolen it from my room'. I don't know the colour (OH found it and currently he's out) - but he has stolen from her, and me, before - so it's likely that it wasn't a friends, but that he has, again, gone through her drawers, found something he wanted, and taken it.

DKLS

Call the Police

Edwardia

Do you believe daughter when she says drug paraphernalia not hers ? If it's not hers what is she doing with it ? Won't police be more interested in why she has it, than whether her younger step-brother stole it ?

If they have separate rooms what about changing door handles with ones that are lockable ?

Seanymph

It appears I jumped to conclusions - thankyou though - the one OH found was orange, the one YD had in her room Yellow.

They were obviously different items.

So now I get the guilts for jumping to conclusions - and being so quick to assume he was going through her drawers again.

Fire_Fox

Seriously, the grinders do not belong to friends and there is no reason for them to be in your children's possession apart from the blindingly obvious. I've been around MANY people over the years who are recreational users. I won't judge anyone because I've done my share for using drugs but cannabis is particularly harmful for teenagers. Cannabis is one of the few I have never used and thus I have never been in possession of a grinder nor tobacco. Why would you?

Gavin83

Wouldnt it be better to check the item is definitely missing first before accusing people?