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Home educate?

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Comments

  • vickynleon
    vickynleon Posts: 493 Forumite
    i havent read through the whole thread as there was 5 pages but though i would add my opinion.

    to be honest with you i think the best thing to do is send her to school, she will come out of her shell, it may be heart breaking for all of you and you will probally have tears but in the long run you will all feel happier when you see her playing with friends.

    Before my son started school when people would talk to him he would go so shy that he would completely turn his head on them and he still occassionally turns his head on people now if im around but if he doesnt know i'm watching he's great with kids and you can see him having conversations and it makes me soo happy to see.

    i've always been quite shy and i really don't think it would of helped me to stay away from school as thats where you learn to toughen up and just get on with it.

    don't feel quilty if you do send her and she crys, i see that alot in my sons class but i hear the teachers say that once they are in the class they stop crying straight away.

    Good luck and i hope all goes will with what every you choose.
  • lostinrates
    lostinrates Posts: 55,283 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    LTP123 wrote: »
    Wow, quite harsh! The only issue I have is with trust. I'm a happy person, with a glass half full personality. To put it bluntly, I think school is the pits. I could stick up for myself and outwardly appeared to cope. Inside, I fell apart, sobbed to my mother who used to get stressed up as she was limited to how she could help.

    Didn't it make me toughen up? No, I am a sensitive person. I still went to clubs had friends. Enjoyed the clubs because everyone was there because they wanted to be. What if you genuinely can't toughen up and are constantly overwhelmed?

    Then you are likely to have an unfufilled life full of what ifs and what could have beens. Which is fine, everyone has something to gripe about.

    But most of us enter adult life having learned the coping mechanisms that help us face these same situations in adulthood.....nasty behavious happens in the adult world and many work places are not so different either. I cannot imagine facing such puerility without much orecident as a young adult and not having developed those coping strategies.

    It sounds like your mother let you down a little, which means you have a good clue as to what not to do for your little girl.

    Fwiw, i think even the most confident kids have some of those sobbing 'i hate school'nights/weeks' even terms or academic years.

    Knowing how to put that part of life into perspective as part of a greater whole life, with out side interests and hobbies is a skill that will long term benefit MOST people in adult hood.
  • poet123 wrote: »
    Working at a college I second the above. I see quite a few kids who have been home educated and more often than not it presents a problem in terms of either levels achieved or social issues.

    And I know home ed children who have gone to college and performed outstandingly. Home ed children are not a homogeneous group and many are home educated because they can't cope, socially or otherwise. This does not change overnight. I know fantastically motivated 12 year olds who are already starting GCSEs and 15 year olds who are doing very little. I know children who are very sociable and others who prefer their own company. I know school children like this too. I have spent the last 11 years mixing with other home educated families and you really cannot generalise.
  • jellyhead
    jellyhead Posts: 21,555 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    LTP123 wrote: »
    Oh and when we went for the open day, I told the teacher she was a deep thinker and a worrier. I had no response and she walked away.

    Did the teacher definitely hear you? If she did, and she dismissed your fears without reassuring you then I would be wary of sending my child there, I have to admit.

    I am a worrier and both of my children are sensitive little flowers. Eldest didn't go to nursery until he was 4 (but we only got that option due to him being statemented for special needs I think - he got 2 terms of nursery then a term of reception).

    My youngest doesn't have special needs but he is a summer birthday and was a late talker. I was ever so anxious about him going to nursery and I really didn't want him to go, but I'd applied for the place and if he didn't go then he'd not get the chance to go anywhere else until it was time to start school. So I thought it best to give it a go. He had gone to playgroup, and he didn't talk there. He liked nursery and he talked while he was there, after an initial period of settling in.

    I am always ready to home school either of my children, and if at any time I thought it would be best for them I wouldn't hesitate. So please don't assume I am pro-school - not at all. I don't think it's best for every child.

    But it was worth a go, and what persuaded me to let go of my youngest was the nursery teacher chatting to me about my fears. I stayed to play with my son when I dropped him off, and sometimes I was there for half an hour, waiting until he was talking and playing before I left.

    I think the nursery teacher could have done more to allay your fears. Is this the only nursery she can go to? would a smaller one be better?

    Also, is there the option of not sending her every day? One of the families we see in gymnastics lessons only sends their children to school 2 or 3 days per week, by arrangement with the school. I wonder if you could do that with nursery? Start by sending her twice a week and see how she likes it?
    52% tight
  • mucklebones
    mucklebones Posts: 164 Forumite
    edited 30 August 2012 at 7:01PM
    Have you considered an accredited childminder? The groups are usually very small. My daughter has ASD and I could never of imagined her coping with a nursery/playschool and she clearly didnt when we looked around. The setting she has attended since she was 3.5 years is very small (accredited childminder) 6 children max to 2-3 adults. One of those adults being a 1-1 for my daughter but she has gradually increased the time she attends and now the days she attends. Id never have believed she would be starting school next week! Finding the right setting for sensitive children can be difficult but you can usually get a feel for the place when you see it. Trust your instincts and she will probably suprise you. Goodluck. x

    Just to add Id never imagine my daughter going to school when she was 3.5 take one step at a time and see where you are when shes nearly 5 before you consider schooling options. I always believed I would have to home educate my daughter but shes come on so fantastically in her current setting and is actually wanting to go to school.
  • LTP123
    LTP123 Posts: 136 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Thanks again everyone. Jellyhead the teacher did hear me. There was only her and I. I even wrote a brief statement on the info sheet, a profile type of thing, nothing mentioned.

    I should
  • LTP123
    LTP123 Posts: 136 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I should have picked a smaller school for her. I will for next year and see how it goes.
  • I really liked Shushannah's advice and I think that would be the best approach.
  • lostinrates
    lostinrates Posts: 55,283 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    LTP123 wrote: »
    I should have picked a smaller school for her. I will for next year and see how it goes.

    You know, i think thats a great idea. And i would not worry too much about what you should have done, because we all do things we regret, just focus one next year and also, what you can do between now and then to support your little girl (and yourself!) and build confidence.:)
  • meer53
    meer53 Posts: 10,217 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    LTP123 wrote: »
    Wow, quite harsh! The only issue I have is with trust. I'm a happy person, with a glass half full personality. To put it bluntly, I think school is the pits. I could stick up for myself and outwardly appeared to cope. Inside, I fell apart, sobbed to my mother who used to get stressed up as she was limited to how she could help.

    Didn't it make me toughen up? No, I am a sensitive person. I still went to clubs had friends. Enjoyed the clubs because everyone was there because they wanted to be. What if you genuinely can't toughen up and are constantly overwhelmed?

    You say YOU think school is the pits and that your mother didn't support you as she didn't know how. Maybe the reason you couldn't toughen up was because your Mum couldn't help you ? What was it about school that overwhelmed you ?


    What happened to you obviously had, and still is, having a huge effect on your life, so i can understand your concern, it would just be a shame if you didn't at least give it a try. Just because your Mum didn't cope and you're having doubts doesn't mean that your daughter won't love it.
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