Neighbours and their kids

Spirit_2

The childrens welfare comes first.

Well done for reporting your concerns.

Fire_Fox

1940sGal wrote: »

I'm not trying to side with the parents or dissuade you from reporting them, but you've heard a child say 'why did your dad smack you?' and you've jumped to the conclusion that he's physically abusing them. And as another poster has said when a parent does this, kids can scream blue murder.

When I worked at morrison's i lost count of the amount of times you'd hear a kid screaming all over the shop like they were being tortured, but my first thought was never 'i'm going to report that parent to the NSPCC because they're clearly abusing their child based on a sound i can hear'.

I don't know, i'm not saying the parents are innocent, he's been arrested for abusing his wife, but that doesn't go that he's also abusing the kids. As for you constantly hearing everything that goes on, if you were my neighbour i'd be inclined to think of you as being quite nosy.

As i said before, a smack could mean a swipe round the backside for being naughty. It doesn't automatically equal capital punishment.

The OP also said "I can actually hear them physically punishing their children. I'm far from jumping to conclusions."

What is so terrible about expressing one's concerns to the NSPCC, and them turning out to be unfounded? Initial contact should be supportive unless there is physical evidence or the child makes a serious allegation. The parents won't be 'in trouble' and the children won't taken into care. I am sure Social Services will be aware of and open minded to the scenario you outline.

It would be much worse not to express one's concerns and turn out to be wrong.

sassyblue

emweaver wrote: »

She hasn't said she's heard a smacking sound and tbh unless they're in the garden you would not hear a smacking sound just cries. She hasn't bothered to come back and reply to anyone's advice so we do not know what she has heard / saw.

Yes she did say she'd heard smacking sounds. Yes you can hear smacks through walls in some housing. Emweaver, you normally read the posts are you having an off day?

danlojo

My parents worry about the children next door to them but on the flip side as they never hear them in the house. They are in a semi and the walls are paper thin but the kids are never heard plus the kids bedroom curtains are never open.

See, it's not always noise which makes you wary:undecided

barbaraemmerson

Mojisola wrote: »

Totally agree.

absolutely agree - one culture's methods of corporal chastisement may be acceptable in their home country but not here - education is needed. Phone your local Child protection unit - Social Care and Wellbeing section of the council - you can voice your concerns and they will follow it through - you can remain annonymous - or the police will go through the same channels and do joint interviews if that is easier - do not just leave it....................

1940sGal

Fire_Fox wrote: »

The OP also said "I can actually hear them physically punishing their children. I'm far from jumping to conclusions."

But can he see them? How can he differentiate between an acceptable form of punishment and an excessive one? Could you without actually seeing the act itself? This is the point i'm getting at. He's never said that he's seen any physical evidence of abuse so how can he be sure?

What is so terrible about expressing one's concerns to the NSPCC, and them turning out to be unfounded?

I wouldn't like to think I had been either accused of or investigated for child abuse. Even if it is to be unfounded, that sort of thing can hang over a person and should it ever be made public (and there's not saying it couldn't) could do serious damage to what may be an innocent person (i'm not saying the father is but i'm talking generally).

It would be much worse not to express one's concerns and turn out to be wrong.

I completely agree. And as i've said in a previous post I'm not saying the OP shouldn't report it. My concern is that he has no real proof other than what he's heard through a wall and overheard in conversation. I'm sorry but i don't find these to be grounds for hard evidence.

Anyway, i've said my bit and i know people will disagree with it but c'est la vie. I hope the children are ok and would like to hear from the OP when he finds more out.

Mojisola

1940sGal wrote: »

My concern is that he has no real proof other than what he's heard through a wall and overheard in conversation. I'm sorry but i don't find these to be grounds for hard evidence.

You don't need "hard evidence" before reporting a possible problem. If you did, abusers would never get reported. Most abuse goes on in private.

1940sGal

From the OP

SecondPoster wrote: »

It sounds like the parents are hitting the kids multiple times.

And that's my point all along.

Fire_Fox

1940sGal wrote: »

But can he see them? How can he differentiate between an acceptable form of punishment and an excessive one? Could you without actually seeing the act itself? This is the point i'm getting at. He's never said that he's seen any physical evidence of abuse so how can he be sure?

I wouldn't like to think I had been either accused of or investigated for child abuse. Even if it is to be unfounded, that sort of thing can hang over a person and should it ever be made public (and there's not saying it couldn't) could do serious damage to what may be an innocent person (i'm not saying the father is but i'm talking generally).

I completely agree. And as i've said in a previous post I'm not saying the OP shouldn't report it. My concern is that he has no real proof other than what he's heard through a wall and overheard in conversation. I'm sorry but i don't find these to be grounds for hard evidence.

Anyway, i've said my bit and i know people will disagree with it but c'est la vie. I hope the children are ok and would like to hear from the OP when he finds more out.

Nobody has claimed it is hard evidence, it is a strong suspicion. He can't very well ask to see the children partially clothed and check for marks unless he wants to be reported for child molesting! If we all waited for hard evidence to report things to Neighbourhood Watch/ the police/ Social Services/ RSPCA/ Crimewatch/ our boss/ security guard at work virtually nothing would get reported. It's then up to the powers that be to investigate, that is what they are trained to do. No physical punishment is permitted, so all levels require parenting advice. It might be the best thing that ever happened to the family, they could well be offered respite weekends, day centres or support groups that, as Nigerians, they may not know exist.

What is going to get out unless the OP is indiscreet? That the parents had support from the NSPCC or Social Services on parenting their THREE autistic children? That is hardly shocking or character blackening, loads of parents get support with a physically or mentally disabled child. Who is to know the parents didn't call for help themselves? By hang over the family do you mean that there will continued visits? IMO that would be a good thing, these kids are not getting cured any time soon and there will always be new challenges to face. You seem to be under the impression that the NSPCC and Social Services are the enemy, instead of there simply to be advocates for vulnerable children.

1940sGal

Clearly i'm not explaining myself properly, but perhaps i can't. I'm not saying he shouldn't report it. If he has suspicions, of course he should. I would.

It's the way he's worded it, the way he's explained it that something doesn't sit right. My gut instinct is telling me that he's being a nosey neighbour and interfering in someone else's business which could explain why there's been trouble between them (though if he's right and, god forbid, the children are being abused then thank god he is a nosey neighbour). But the way he always happens to be there in the garden to hear/see these things or the way he's always hearing them through the wall. Personally the walls between myself and my neighbours are paper thin but that doesn't mean i hear everything they do. Life generally means i don't have time to sit around listening for possible trouble.

Like i said, he's got his suspicions and he's reported them. He's done what he feels right and so be it. All i'm saying is that my gut instinct is telling me there's more to the story.