Neighbours and their kids

bazster

1940sGal wrote: »

But can he see them? How can he differentiate between an acceptable form of punishment and an excessive one? Could you without actually seeing the act itself? This is the point i'm getting at. He's never said that he's seen any physical evidence of abuse so how can he be sure?

For goodness' sake, he's not a court of law. He doesn't have to be sure and he doesn't have to have proof. If he has grounds for suspecting that the children are being abused than he must report it. If no-one did anything about child abuse until they had cast-iron proof then there would be a Baby P tragedy on the front pages of the papers every day.

bazster

1940sGal wrote: »

It's the way he's worded it, the way he's explained it that something doesn't sit right. My gut instinct is telling me that he's being a nosey neighbour and interfering in someone else's business which could explain why there's been trouble between them (though if he's right and, god forbid, the children are being abused then thank god he is a nosey neighbour). But the way he always happens to be there in the garden to hear/see these things or the way he's always hearing them through the wall. Personally the walls between myself and my neighbours are paper thin but that doesn't mean i hear everything they do. Life generally means i don't have time to sit around listening for possible trouble.

If you live in a small terraced house then you don't have to sit there with a glass to the wall. I'm sitting in my office (a converted bedroom) typing this and I can hear a neighbour's child right now. She's playing, but if she was being beaten I think that too would be pretty clear to me.

SecondPoster

1940sGal wrote: »

But the way he always happens to be there in the garden to hear/see these things or the way he's always hearing them through the wall.

I don't just sit in the garden to listen to the latest gossip from the neighbours. I'm guessing you didn't have the recent heat wave where you are living? I do enjoy spending time in the garden none-the-less.
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To be honest, I expected a lot more than one poster advising me to mind my own business and calling me nosey and it was the majority here who convinced me to report this. I've never had to deal with such things before and I know Social Services have a stigma attached to them, so I didn't want to take it lightly.

After what's been posted and what I've found online, it's advised to report any suspicions. Even if many turn out to be nothing, even just one child who is saved from an abusive family would be worth it.

I hope my suspicions are wrong and the poster above is correct, that I'm just being nosey. I'd rather that any day over the alternative.

sassyblue

SecondPoster wrote: »

I hope my suspicions are wrong and the poster above is correct, that I'm just being nosey. I'd rather that any day over the alternative.

You're concerned not nosey and l resent you being made to feel like that.

Did you go and deliberately seek to see and hear what your neighbours are doing? No.

I can believe how some people see things on here. :cool:

sassyblue

1940sGal wrote: »

Clearly i'm not explaining myself properly, but perhaps i can't. I'm not saying he shouldn't report it. If he has suspicions, of course he should. I would.

It's the way he's worded it, the way he's explained it that something doesn't sit right. My gut instinct is telling me that he's being a nosey neighbour and interfering in someone else's business which could explain why there's been trouble between them (though if he's right and, god forbid, the children are being abused then thank god he is a nosey neighbour). But the way he always happens to be there in the garden to hear/see these things or the way he's always hearing them through the wall. Personally the walls between myself and my neighbours are paper thin but that doesn't mean i hear everything they do. Life generally means i don't have time to sit around listening for possible trouble.

Like i said, he's got his suspicions and he's reported them. He's done what he feels right and so be it. All i'm saying is that my gut instinct is telling me there's more to the story.

I never read that bit until the OP pointed it out. How come the OP is nosey when they can HEAR what the neighbours are doing? The OP hasn't gone round to look in the windows so why have you decided they're nosey? I've had noisy neighbours and believe me l didn't want to hear their goings on.

If we all worried about being nosey and not reporting our suspicions kids (and people) would die through abuse.

duchy

Although I feel the OP should be talking to the NSPCC about this family -I do think she has a problem with their race (there was no need to mention their race in the OP yet she chose to do so-that rings bells) and as for "hearing them punish them" Autistic children can be very hyper and will kick ,scream and bang -what she believes is sounds of abuse COULD be a child repeatedly banging or running into things-it's very common with ASD kids (including my own). Have you noticed bruises on the children OP ? Do they look well fed and decently dressed ?

Thank god I had supportative neighbours when my son was small- I can't imagine how hard it would be to be living with the frustration of three autistic kids, a husband with violent tendencies (or maybe just at the end of his rope with 3 ASD children who snapped the once-we don't know -and the authorities have not excluded him from living there) and a possibly racist neighbour.

Mojisola

duchy wrote: »

Although I feel the OP should be talking to the NSPCC about this family -I do think she has a problem with their race (there was no need to mention their race in the OP yet she chose to do so-that rings bells)

There's a difference between identifying someone because of their race and because of their culture. Physical punishment is normal in Nigeria - if no-one has told these parents that it's not allowed here, they will continue with their cultural norm.

If the children are being abused, SS need to be involved. If the family are struggling with their children's needs, SS may be able to help. If everything is fine in the home, SS won't go any further.

1940sGal

It's great isn't it when you state an opinion, while still agreeing with the majority, but still get your words twisted

Again for those of you with limited capacity to understand I have said many times that the OP is right to make his concerns known to the NSPCC. But simply that something did not sit right.

People may resent that I think he's a nosey neighbour, but that is how he comes off to me. But again, I did say that if his concerns prove to be well founded (god forbid) then it's a good thing he was listening.

I guess I'll just have to live with myself being seen as the baddy here for not siding fully with the OP Ho hum!

bazster

duchy wrote: »

Although I feel the OP should be talking to the NSPCC about this family -I do think she has a problem with their race

That is quite a statement to make about someone you don't even know, particularly since he didn't even mention their race. "Nigerian" isn't a race, it's a nationality.

SecondPoster

duchy wrote: »

Although I feel the OP should be talking to the NSPCC about this family -I do think she has a problem with their race (there was no need to mention their race in the OP yet she chose to do so-that rings bells) and as for "hearing them punish them" Autistic children can be very hyper and will kick ,scream and bang -what she believes is sounds of abuse COULD be a child repeatedly banging or running into things-it's very common with ASD kids (including my own). Have you noticed bruises on the children OP ? Do they look well fed and decently dressed ?

Thank god I had supportative neighbours when my son was small- I can't imagine how hard it would be to be living with the frustration of three autistic kids, a husband with violent tendencies (or maybe just at the end of his rope with 3 ASD children who snapped the once-we don't know -and the authorities have not excluded him from living there) and a possibly racist neighbour.

I mentioned they were Nigerian because it is much more acceptable to physically punish your children there, so the family may not be aware of the laws here. I have been to Nigeria, am not racist and quite frankly think you're reasoning behind your statement is ridiculous.