Narcissistic Mother - Legal Rights/Time to say Goodbye

MiddyMum

Thank you all for taking the time to reply to me.

I have decided not to pursue my items anymore, I think 9 years has been long enough, and it really is enough is enough now. I just need to get numbers changed so that she doesn't start calling me , being nice and then starting the toxic cycle all over again.

Bazter, your poem resonates with me in a way. I have always said I only want the one child, but if I am honest with myself it is because If I get it wrong with my daughter I guess I have only got it wrong once, and not with 4 or 5 kids. With that said, I do know that I am completely different to my mum, and my daughter is always smiling and laughing so she shows me that she feels safe and loved but the idea of " getting it wrong " is what stops me wanting to have anymore.

Anyway, it's time for me to try and move on from my mother and not get jealous everytime I see pictures of mothers and daughters on facebook, or even daughters embracing their mothers at the pub on Mothers day, it really is a cruel world but I am sure I will deal with it, like I always do.

Thanks again everyone.

aliasojo

What a sad thread.

I just can't imagine being like that with my daughter, I'd give her the world if I could (and she needed it cos I don't like spoilt kids :rotfl:)

I definitely think some mothers should be removed from their offspring's lives completely to avoid further damage. Better to grieve for a parent lost than suffer a parent who is toxic.

minimoneysaver

Hugs & support. Have you considered that it may be in your best interests to create new memories with new items with your daughter, rather than bringing out old books that bring their own 'luggage' with them. You may pick up a book and remember a certain time that she was mean towards you....IMO not worth it. Go onto Amazon and order nice, shiny new items for you and your daughter to create beautiful new memories.

Betty_Crumble

you are not your mother and that is evident with everything you have said. Focus your attention on continuing to be a loving, caring mother to your daughter.
I was watching Jezza Kyle today (i know, I know, but it makes me feel better about my life lol. Oh and I am on hols from work so im allowed) and the girl on there was saying that her mother had never told her she loves her to which my nine yr old pipes up that shes going on the show to tell him shes sick of hearing 'i love you' from me, you just cant win haha. I'm not trying to belittle (?) your situation, I guess i'm just trying to say that as long as your little one never experiences any of the same from you then you have done an amazing job as you started out being a mother with the worst of role models.
Turn over a new page and why not mark it by making a memory chest with your daughter and adding to it weekly/monthly.
Stay positive for the future and enjoy that, dont dwell on the past.

Learn from the past, look to the future, live for the present.

marmitepotato

Anyway, it's time for me to try and move on from my mother and not get jealous everytime I see pictures of mothers and daughters on facebook, or even daughters embracing their mothers at the pub on Mothers day, it really is a cruel world but I am sure I will deal with it, like I always do.

Thanks again everyone.


Middymum, create your own Facebook page with you and your daughter. It will make you smile, you are everything that your mother wasn't. You must be proud of this.
Good luck, be happy. X

MiddyMum

Betty_Crumble wrote: »

I was watching Jezza Kyle today (i know, I know, but it makes me feel better about my life lol.


Stay positive for the future and enjoy that, dont dwell on the past.

It makes me feel better about my life as well..:rotfl:
Thank you for your kind words.

MiddyMum

marmitepotato wrote: »

Anyway, it's time for me to try and move on from my mother and not get jealous everytime I see pictures of mothers and daughters on facebook, or even daughters embracing their mothers at the pub on Mothers day, it really is a cruel world but I am sure I will deal with it, like I always do.

Thanks again everyone.


Middymum, create your own Facebook page with you and your daughter. It will make you smile, you are everything that your mother wasn't. You must be proud of this.
Good luck, be happy. X

I will do that, what a nice idea, thank you x

missprice

MiddyMum wrote: »

I have decided not to pursue my items anymore,


Anyway, it's time for me to try and move on from my mother and not get jealous everytime I see pictures of mothers and daughters on facebook, or even daughters embracing their mothers at the pub on Mothers day, it really is a cruel world but I am sure I will deal with it, like I always do.

Thanks again everyone.

good on you for the items you have left behind (as an aside I left home with the clothes on my back and nothing else, I have since got a whole ONE picture of me as a baby)
As for the photos and daughters hugging mothers.

one. they could be coerced and

two. they may not actually be related
I say this because I have recently acquired another nearly mum and I would happily take them to a pub and hug them in public.
I have no idea what it is I do to collect them and though I adore them they cannot and will never be the same as a proper mum and will never be able to take the nasty taste of my childhood away.
but they sure do help me overcome
btw I am in my 40s and first nearly mum came along when i was 27 bless her:)

Cyril

This link may help you if you want to hear from someone else going through the same.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3574175

Amanda65

Hiya just wanted to say that I feel very sorry for you having no items / photos from your childhood. My OH had a somewhat 'toxic' relationship with his mother, no relationship at all with his father and only very sporadic contact with his two older sisters. We have a few (about 5) photos of him aged between 2 and 5 but no others which is very sad but over the 25 years we've been together I have taken enough photos to fill the National Portrait Gallery so agree with others about make your own memories now.

MiddyMum wrote: »

I have struggled with parenting my daughter, not because I don't enjoy it but mainly because I find that I am always asking myself if I am doing the right thing as I don't have anything to " model " it on if you know what I mean.

With regard to the above, I have lovely parents, had a lovely childhood and I still questioned (and continue to question) whether I have parented our 3 as well as I could. It's what we mum's do so you are no different to anyone else who cares about their children and wants what is best for them. Your daughter is happy and loved - what else does she need?