Narcissistic Mother - Legal Rights/Time to say Goodbye

MiddyMum

marmitepotato wrote: »

I think the controll over your possessions is the very last bit of control she has over you op. Once you have these she has lost. You need to decide if you really want these things or if you can live without them. You have managed for years without them, maybe you can manage without them forever. Who knows you may see them again at a different time in your life.

It's a tough decision you have to make. Go get your stuff, or make the break and consign these items to your memory.


I really know how you feel. I left home to join the army at 17. When I came home on my first leave my new step mum had redesigned my bedroom and had totally eradicated any trace of me. All my toys, games, dolls, pictures, books, bed, curtains, wallpaper had gone. She meant business! She didn't want me there, 35 years later she still hates me having a part of dads life. I miss my stuff, but it's all in my memory, and I can reminisce any time I want.

I may have to accept that I have lost them as even though I want to get what is rightfully mine, I am not sure if I can deal with anymore headache and stress. I have tried to get them for 9 years with no luck, maybe I just need to move on now. I think at best I may be able to get some photos from my grand mother. I do have siblings, twin sisters, but they don't seem to see any thing wrong with my mothers behaviour but I am starting to feel that this may change very soon. They are 16, and have been under my mothers thumb as well. I could ask them to sneak a few photos for me, but there is a lot of resentment there on my part. There is no closeness, my mother saw to that. They have always been the golden children, they are 16 years old. My mother had remarried, and when I was 10 years old they came along. At this point, my life got considerably worse. I was practically a household slave, there was much involvement with social services and my mother was also arrested on one occasion as my injuries were so bad after a beating that a GP had to take photographs.

^^ I feel that I needed to mention this so you can all get a picture of what I am dealing with, although it does help to get it all out I suppose.

Thanks for listening everyone.

MiddyMum

Marmite, I am sorry to hear what your stepmother did, such a cruel thing to do.

marmitepotato

Thanks Middy, I kind of know what you are going thro. I really wish you well, you have suffered so much. Maybe it's time to move on now. Your mother sounds a real 'piece of work'.

MiddyMum

marmitepotato wrote: »

Thanks Middy, I kind of know what you are going thro. I really wish you well, you have suffered so much. Maybe it's time to move on now. Your mother sounds a real 'piece of work'.

She sure is. How do you deal with your step mother when you see your dad, or do you only see him just the two of you together?

thorsoak

Middy - the only thing that your old possessions are going to bring you will be sad memories Let them - and your mother go.

Concentrate on your little family - surround yourselves with the love and consistency that you didn't get as a child. The things that you worry about will just remind you of how much you worried as a child - you don't need them.

londonsurrey

thorsoak wrote: »

Middy - the only thing that your old possessions are going to bring you will be sad memories Let them - and your mother go.

Concentrate on your little family - surround yourselves with the love and consistency that you didn't get as a child. The things that you worry about will just remind you of how much you worried as a child - you don't need them.

That kind of advice sounds good in theory. However, I must confess that when I'm talking about my mother, trying to untangle a particular thing, and someone tells me to simply "let go", it just makes me feel that they don't want to hear about my painful problem and help me solve that problem, they just want me to stop harping on and be a nice shiny happy me, not the unhappy me that's marring their scenery.

marmitepotato

MiddyMum wrote: »

She sure is. How do you deal with your step mother when you see your dad, or do you only see him just the two of you together?

My dad has an allotted time when my stepmum allows him to visit me. The last time I visited my dad was over two years ago, I was with my sister who was dying from breast cancer and was on her last trip home from South Africa.


Me and stepmum treat each other cordially ...... It's the only way as my dad is elderly now and I don't want to upset him.

scottish_lassy

Been there! 'Things' are not worth the stress and worry. Once you have made up your mind to let them go, she will no longer have power over you.

As a narcisist and expert manipulater, she knows these things are important to you - and even if you do go back for them, there will be some excuse, or the more important items will not be available at that moment!!! - so you won't get what you want anyway - just more angst. If you let them go and she sees you are not bothered - she has lost!

Memories are inside you, go forward and make more happy ones.

CH27

I would stop asking about the things & if she mentions them just say oh that old tat. I don't need it as i've bought new stuff. She'll be happy for you to have the old tat & it has no significance any more.

thorsoak

londonsurrey wrote: »

That kind of advice sounds good in theory. However, I must confess that when I'm talking about my mother, trying to untangle a particular thing, and someone tells me to simply "let go", it just makes me feel that they don't want to hear about my painful problem and help me solve that problem, they just want me to stop harping on and be a nice shiny happy me, not the unhappy me that's marring their scenery.

I'm sorry - I most certainly did not want to suggest that - nor to minimise the effects of Middymum's childhood - what she suffered was and is valid.

Unfortunately for Middymum, she has had the mother she had - and nothing is ever going to give her a "good" childhood, nor good memories of it. Fact. The problem - her mother - cannot be solved. Fact.

My suggestion - such as it is, is that Middymum acknowledges all of this - and by using her experience tries to ensure that her family has an upbringing as far from hers as is possible.

From bitter experience I have discovered that when I do put on the "nice shiny happy me" face, then after a while I find that I am actually enjoying what I am doing!

Laugh and the world laughs with you - weep and you weep alone - sad but true