Anybody similar to me and have no family to speak of?

OptimusNemesis

Rather than post this on my other thread (about finding a Geeky or Nerdy girl) I thought I'd start a new one.

I guess it's kind of related but at the same time a different subject.

I haven't really got much in the way of a family - essentially I only have one family member and that's my mum who lives hundreds of miles away. My dad died a few years ago and I don't really have that great an extended family.

My paternal grandparents died before I was born, my nan and grandad on my mum's side were great. I really loved them but my grandad died when I was six and my nan a year later. My uncle on my Dad's side died shortly after them, one of my cousins committed suicide, other cousins are either in jail or just missing (long story). Of the remaining relatives I have, I don't speak to several for deciding that they'd rather go on holiday than go to my dad's funeral (this is a brother and sister of my dad).

The others generally don't want much to do with me - they haven't since I was a kid. It's nothing personal, I'm sure - we're just not that close a family.

I guess that's one of the reasons I've decided to really try and pursue the dating thing - I'd really love a family of my own. In fact, I've felt that way ever since I can remember. Several friends of mine have really large families - big Christmas get togethers, people to help them out, things like that. A couple of friends have several kids and I'm always being asked that old chestnut "so when are you going to settle down and have your own kids... you need to think about it soon...etc..."

To be honest, it's getting to a point where I'm having doubts it will happen. I can't even meet anyone worthwhile - so I think the dream of my own family is starting to fade. A real pity because, I think I would have made quite a good dad - if I do say so myself! lol

I guess a fear I have is that inevitably I will end up completely by myself. One parent can't last forever and I won't just settle on anybody... the right one for me just continues to elude me. I wonder if she's out there somewhere thinking the same things as me?

Don't get me wrong - I'm generally a happy person but this has been nagging at the back of my head for a while. I get myself out there, been to a lot of places and done some interesting things over the last few months but I just can't find someone who either sticks around long enough or that I connect with. For some reason, I attract a lot of American ladies but they're all the way over there. Not really a good start for any relationship and I'd rather have someone at least in the same country!

Most of myf riends are busy with their own families these days so I don't get to meet up with friends that often now.

I don't hate myself or anything silly like that - I actually rather like who I am. I like my appearance - wouldn't change a thing and I get complimented on it both in real life and on dating sites - so I don't really know why I just can't find the right person.

I've pretty much abandoned dating sites now anyway - I just don't think those are the right place to find good people.

I'm just wondering whether there is somebody who is in a similar position to me - i.e. no real family to speak of and living on their own. Do you have any advice or tips?

- G

P.S. Sorry about pouring my heart a bit in this message - it's all a bit of an emotive subject for me, as you can probably tell.

babymad_2

Unfortunately, I have no advice but you are not alone. Both my parents died before I had left my teens, my grandparents are also all dead and my lovely brother, who had qualified as a doctor, died in 2009 after drowning when on holiday.

Words can't even express how much I miss them all x

0^0

I am sure you will meet the right person some day, you seem like a nice genuine guy.:)

lostinrates

You know, 'she' might be the exact opposite and have huge loving supportive family who come to view you as part of them. Both my parents refer to my dh as ' my son (long pause then more quietly) inlaw).

I read your other thread, and think you sound just fantastic, (though i missed the link to see how you look). I am fairly sure if you are giving your character time to come out with women you will be ok.

raven83

I don't have loads either, despite coming from a large family. Both my parents died years ago, so I don't have them about no more. I have never had any grandparents, they was dead before I came along. I've got 4 other siblings all in their late 40s/50 (i am 29) so I never grew up with them as a kid, I did feel as though I missed out on that as I was very much an only child. I get on with my sisters and see them regularly but not my brothers ( I am not conservative enough for them). I so get on very close to my niece though who is 15 (I see myself as a bit of a surrogate mother/big sister to her) I always wanted a big close in age family myself, that is why I had my 3 kids within 4 years so that they would be close, I would love another but the longer I leave it the bigger the gap becomes and I don't want to do the same thing my parents did with me in having a big gap, because it was quite lonely growing up.

LameWolf

Maybe stop trying to find your ideal? I don't know; sometimes the universe does things to surprise you, if you let it.:o

What took my eye here was the title of your thread, as I have no family, being estranged from them. The only person I have in the whole world is my DH, who, as I mentioned on your other thread, I met at a Dungeons & Dragons game shortly after I joined Mensa.

I wasn't looking for anyone (on the contrary, I'd promised myself never to get involved with a man again) but as they say, "never say never".

Fwiw, I've always believed that friends are the family you choose for yourself.

Anyways, good luck, and I hope you find what you want in life.:o

Babymad I'm so sorry to learn of your losses. How terribly sad.:(

Sally_A

I also have minimal (if any) blood relatives in this country, other than hubby (not blood related) and daughter. I have 2nd cousins somewhere, and other distant rellies in Poland.

Sometimes I would like to have the big family that others have for get togethers etc but then at other times, and after seeing the in-family fighting of friends, I'm grateful I don't have the hassle.

PasturesNew

I'd not stop speaking to relatives for choosing a holiday over a funeral... in fact I told my dad's siblings not to come to his just because it was a long expensive trip just for an hour's service ... and they'd visited just prior and that was the important part.

Some people are just doomed to be alone. Doomed.... doomed I say.

You can't make people click with you; there's not somebody for everybody .... and all those other people with perfect big families and fun times are.... bl00dy annoying

missprice

LameWolf wrote: »

I wasn't looking for anyone (on the contrary, I'd promised myself never to get involved with a man again) but as they say, "never say never".

this above sums up life the universe and everything
Well ok not quite:)
but every time I told myself to stop being lonely, stop looking for someone and every time
within a day after telling myself this I found someone.
very odd to have that happen especially when I had been alone sometimes for years, sometimes just months. but it worked (which was not the intention)
and for OP yes I have one uncle left who I see maybe once a year
everyone else has died or we aint close, and my kids

Barny1979

There's only my mum and dad, my mum is agorophobic and my dad struggles to get around due to his eyesight, I live over 90 miles away.

savingmummy

I have both parents but am pretty much very similar to you.My grandparents died when i was between 4-8 and my aunts/uncles passed/moved abroad. Cousins i never met and will never see them (dont know where they are).
I have 3 siblings i dont see, got a wife/husband and moved on!!


SO your not alone, not everyone has a big family around them.
Sounds like your happy, and enjoying life keep at it you will find a happy ever after i`m sure.


I met my DH (from school) he was SO annoying out first date ended with me smacking him one LOL! He too has just a father no other family at all!!
We ended up being friends and enjoyed years of being in a mutual friend circle - 5 yrs later we married and we now have children.