Family Wedding abroad, what would you do?

sharnad

lazer wrote: »

The old fashioned way is to get married and start a family, there is nothing wrong with renting with.
I would priotise having a home over attending a wedding of my brother, but not buying a home. I would happily have spent some of my house deposit to attend my brothers wedding, if i needed to, especially in this climate when house prices are falling, so waiting an extra month or two to buy is not going to cst much, in fact it could save you money!

The cost for one person (the brother only) to attend is what needs to be looked at. Obviously this is not ideal - but compromise is required.

I don't see a wedding as someone elses special day, it is usually a family celebration, and a special day for the whole of the immeadiate family.

I may have rose tinted glasses on as I'm currently sitting writing my wedding Invitations (including about 10 to Australia!).

Why dis the cost of the brother going need to be looked at if he doesn't want to go to australia and they sent really close.

pleasedelete

Isn't the point of them coming to the uk
After so that they can celebrate with uk family and friends? That suggests they don't expect them to travel to Australia.

globetraveller

Just out of interest, do you think his sister will come to the UK for your wedding?
Frankly though, to put off a major step in your life- owning your home and starting a family, to attend a wedding at the opposite end of the world, a wedding that few remember except for the bride and groom, is ridiculous if you will be upset about the delay. If the sister cannot forgive this, then would she have been worth it in the first place?
If my sister were to marry in Australia, I would go, because I can afford it now and we both would like to go there anyway. Also I know that my sister would not expect people to make that long journey.
Why not set up skype? Really, you can "virtually" be attending the wedding these days. Buy your wedding outfits and "attend" even if it means taking a day off and being up in the middle of the night for it:)

BritAbroad

Tough one - this is not a simple, 'let's get married abroad' scenario since the sister actually lives there.

It does sound though as if she's warning you when it's going to be so that you can plan if you want come, rather than actually demanding it. So if you're definitely not going, be upfront about it, rather than let her get her hopes up. And when you get married make sure you too give her plenty of warning but don't get upset if she doesn't come.

I wonder too if the sister is being guilt-tripped into having a UK celebration too? Perhaps she's hoping if the key folk make it out to Oz she won't have to do a celebration in the UK. When you live overseas people always guilt trip you about coming to the UK to visit - and when you do, it certainly isn't a holiday!

chirpychick

faerie~spangles wrote: »

In no way shape or form is the OP being selfish!:mad:

Don't do the mad face LOL I was in no way shape or form telling the op she is in the wrong, I was saying that it could be perceived as being a bit selfish but that sometimes in certain circumstances you have to be.

I don't think that they should go. I think that they have every right to put their future plans first - just to make that clear.

We eloped, nobody came, we had a party when we got back - there were no grudges or anything, we didn't expect people to come. I think it is wrong for the sister to assume they will be travelling over to Australia for the wedding. I wouldn't go if it were me. BUT I do think they need to be open and honest about it right away.

NewKittenHelp

faerie~spangles wrote: »

In no way shape or form is the OP being selfish!:mad:

Yeah she is. She's putting herself before another person. It's pretty much the dictionary definition of 'selfish'. But that's OK, there's nothing wrong with that.

Edwardia

My parents badgered and badgered me to come back to UK for younger brother's wedding. I was happily living in Toronto and had a place to go to uni. My father promised to pay for a flight back there. Once the wedding was over he told me he wasn't paying for a flight back as my mother didn't want me to go. He spent more than the flight cost to DHL the rest of my stuff back to the UK. It damaged our relationship and my career prospects both.

So my advice would be to forget the parental emotional blackmail and do what the two of you are most happy with.

claire16c

Edwardia wrote: »

My parents badgered and badgered me to come back to UK for younger brother's wedding. I was happily living in Toronto and had a place to go to uni. My father promised to pay for a flight back there. Once the wedding was over he told me he wasn't paying for a flight back as my mother didn't want me to go. He spent more than the flight cost to DHL the rest of my stuff back to the UK. It damaged our relationship and my career prospects both.

So my advice would be to forget the parental emotional blackmail and do what the two of you are most happy with.

Your Dad sounds pretty crazy. Im not suprised your relationship was damaged. It doesnt sound as though it had much to do with your brothers wedding more like they didnt want you to move away but in the process pushed you away anyway? A friend of mine had a similar situation - her parents didnt want her to go to uni a few hours away and tried to force her to stay at home. So instead she moved out/was forced out, and they didnt speak to her for over 6 months. So she saw them far less than if she had done what she had wanted in the first place and they lost out.

So sometimes you really should do what YOU want.