Family Wedding abroad, what would you do?

balletshoes

Gigglepig wrote: »

For a sister or sister in law, I'd suck it up and save up the money to go.

In particular because they live there - in my mind that is different from if they lived in the UK but chose to have their wedding somewhere far away.

Would you not want to visit them anyway at some point to see where they live?

they might well want to visit at some point - when they can afford it. I'm very close to my sisters, but I wouldn't expect them to fork out £1200 to come see me when I stipulated, for my wedding or anything else. Thats a lot of money.

balletshoes

pollypenny wrote: »

BTW: if a wedding is the most important day of one's life, it's a bit sad. (Happily married for 44 years)

thats the way I feel about wedding days too - lovely as they are, they're really not a patch on many other days you'll have together in your lives from then on .

moneypuddle

I'd record them a video message, and not go

koneko

Thanks everyone, I'm genuinely overwhelmed by all the responses.

My partner and his sister aren't particularly close, they tend to disagree a lot as she is very 'the world revolves around me' and he is stubborn and won't take it (understandably). We have never even met her fiance, although she is bringing him over here later in the year for a visit.

We haven't received an official invitation as such, just a message from his sister giving us the date and telling us to 'start saving'. Since then all his parents have done is talk about 'Our Australia Holiday'.

To those who have mentioned people offering to pay for flights etc, morally I don't think I would be able to accept, as it isn't that we physically don't have the money or would have to put it on credit, but that the money is already put aside as savings for our deposit. My partner and I are not yet married, although we discuss it a lot, but we have put buying a house ahead of our own wedding (for finance reasons) so it seems unfair to be guilt tripped into spending what will probably amount to at least £4k (flights, food, accommodation as we can't stay with his sister) on travelling to Aus. We are quite traditional and don't want to start a family until we are married, but being a woman, that good old biological body clock has starting ticking a lot louder these days!

I think at the moment I'm having trouble seperating whether I'm being sensible or selfish, I supposed its a bit of both.

Abbafan1972

OP - don't be pressured into using the money to go to the wedding! Wait until you receive an invitation and then politely decline saying you can't afford it.

Saving for a house and my own wedding would take priority.

[Deleted User]

Just because they're family doesn't mean you should feel obligated. I got married last year (second time) and neither of my sisters or my husband's brothers were there. We didn't invite them! There's no animosity but we're just not close. We wanted a small intimate wedding (20 guests) and we had close friends who were a much bigger part of our lives than our siblings. My mum and a couple of close family friends were there plus my adult children and partners then a few close friends. Don't feel guilty - do what is right for you and your own family. If you were close and you really wanted to be there you would find a way. If you don't feel inclined to find a way, that's your answer!

lazer

koneko wrote: »

Thanks everyone, I'm genuinely overwhelmed by all the responses.

My partner and his sister aren't particularly close, they tend to disagree a lot as she is very 'the world revolves around me' and he is stubborn and won't take it (understandably). We have never even met her fiance, although she is bringing him over here later in the year for a visit.

We haven't received an official invitation as such, just a message from his sister giving us the date and telling us to 'start saving'. Since then all his parents have done is talk about 'Our Australia Holiday'.

To those who have mentioned people offering to pay for flights etc, morally I don't think I would be able to accept, as it isn't that we physically don't have the money or would have to put it on credit, but that the money is already put aside as savings for our deposit. My partner and I are not yet married, although we discuss it a lot, but we have put buying a house ahead of our own wedding (for finance reasons) so it seems unfair to be guilt tripped into spending what will probably amount to at least £4k (flights, food, accommodation as we can't stay with his sister) on travelling to Aus. We are quite traditional and don't want to start a family until we are married, but being a woman, that good old biological body clock has starting ticking a lot louder these days!

I think at the moment I'm having trouble seperating whether I'm being sensible or selfish, I supposed its a bit of both.

Thank you for explaining your own sitution, as you said about your own wedding, would your partner be ok with his sister not attending your wedding?
I think if you OH's parents offer to pay for you to go, it means it is important to them that you are there, so you should consider it carefully.

My advice would be to say nothing for a while and see what happens and what your situation is like closer to wedding, when is it?

chirpychick

I think if official invites haven't been sent out then you should tell them right from now that you wont be going. They have plenty of time to get used to the idea of you not being there.
Maybe it is a *bit* selfish, but it's your hard earned money, for a future you and your other half want, you are entitled to be so.

lazer

maman wrote: »

I'm finding it really hard to understand your priorities lazer. My heart understands how in an ideal world we'd all like to be afford to do everything we want but this is the real world. How do you prioritise one day (albeit a special one but someone else's) over saving for a home and then a family (although strangely you seem to think trying for a family before establishing a home is ok?). I always thought the old fashioned way was save loads of money, buy a home and get married, start a family?

The old fashioned way is to get married and start a family, there is nothing wrong with renting with.
I would priotise having a home over attending a wedding of my brother, but not buying a home. I would happily have spent some of my house deposit to attend my brothers wedding, if i needed to, especially in this climate when house prices are falling, so waiting an extra month or two to buy is not going to cst much, in fact it could save you money!

The cost for one person (the brother only) to attend is what needs to be looked at. Obviously this is not ideal - but compromise is required.

I don't see a wedding as someone elses special day, it is usually a family celebration, and a special day for the whole of the immeadiate family.

I may have rose tinted glasses on as I'm currently sitting writing my wedding Invitations (including about 10 to Australia!).

faerie~spangles

chirpychick wrote: »

I think if official invites haven't been sent out then you should tell them right from now that you wont be going. They have plenty of time to get used to the idea of you not being there.
Maybe it is a *bit* selfish, but it's your hard earned money, for a future you and your other half want, you are entitled to be so.

In no way shape or form is the OP being selfish!:mad:

A marriage ceremony is a legally binding /religious commitment from one person to another.

It is not an excuse to DEMAND that other family members or friends spend, spend, spend and put themselves out of pocket in order to give someone the 'day of their dreams'.:rotfl:

You only have to read these fora to realise the long term debts incurred by bridezilla's usually end up in a married life of strife