Family Wedding abroad, what would you do?

lostinrates

My father in law was martied in the US where he lives and we said we could not afford to go and he offered to pay for us both. If you would go if money were not an issue you might find that your in laws can afford and are willing to make a contribution or cover costs.

Money was only part of the issue for us so we did not attent but dh made sure he got to th london party to celebrate with their london circle after the event, and imo if you don't go as immediate family making sure the siblings speak on the morning over the phone and being committed to the uk celebration in a setious way...perhaps helping set up or similar, shows love and family commitment. Its not unreasonable, imo, to not fly using precious vacation days, money and orher reources to attend a wedding, even if its someone you love.

Gigglepig

For a sister or sister in law, I'd suck it up and save up the money to go.

In particular because they live there - in my mind that is different from if they lived in the UK but chose to have their wedding somewhere far away.

Would you not want to visit them anyway at some point to see where they live?

andygb

Gigglepig wrote: »

For a sister or sister in law, I'd suck it up and save up the money to go.

In particular because they live there - in my mind that is different from if they lived in the UK but chose to have their wedding somewhere far away.

Would you not want to visit them anyway at some point to see where they live?

Different people have different priorities, and I think that saving for a house takes a far higher priority than travelling thousands of miles, and spending thousands of pounds just to go to someone's wedding.
Your house is your future, mess around with that and you mess up your future, not a price worth paying just to attend a wedding.

lazer

andygb wrote: »

Different people have different priorities, and I think that saving for a house takes a far higher priority than travelling thousands of miles, and spending thousands of pounds just to go to someone's wedding.
Your house is your future, mess around with that and you mess up your future, not a price worth paying just to attend a wedding.

Different people have different priorities indeed, however the top priority should be happiness.

Does your OH want to attend his sisters wedding, in 5 years time - when you are sitting in your own house which you have bought 4 years ago, would he be happy if he has missed the most important day of his sisters life? Is buying the house as soon as possible going to matter at that stage.

I would be upset if my brother missed my wedding, as wopuld my parents, as they love to see their family all together.

Sometimes we need to make sacrifices to make other people happy, especially parents.

The cost of one person attending a wedding in Oz is prob around £600 - £800 depending on flights. In reality how much impact will this have on your house deposit - it will possibly delay your target by a few months, but a few months is nothing in the course of a lifetime.

Only you and your OH can decide what your priorities are, but In your position I would encourage my OH (who's family live in Australia and are all coming home for our wedding coincidentially) to go without me if funds couldn't stretch to 2 people.

time2deal

I can see this from both sides. I am Australian and live in London, and just married an Englishman in London.

I didn't expect many people to make it, but actually I was amazed, and touched, at how many people came over. Many of them had lived in england before, so they had friends to see, but it was still a huge effort as almost all had kids to bring too. However, I had actually assumed that my brother and his family would come, and they didn't. We actually selected the date based on when would work for them, and I was a little disappointed.

In hindsight, it was very presumptuous of me to assume they would come. They have three small children and big debts - and while my parents would probably have helped them out, I think they just couldn't face taking either another handout, or getting further into debt. It was totally the right decision, and in the end my brother did fly over for the weekend. I think couples (and parents) lose sight of reality a little when planning weddings. It's an amazing day for the couple, but, if we are honest, it's just another wedding for many of the guests.

And the absolute truth is that after the event, you get over it! Perspective does return.

So, I would say - do what works for you, be nice about it, and send something on the day. Telegrams are not sent often enough, and it is really nice when all the messages are read out. Webcams for the ceremonies (IMHO) don't really work, everyone ends up distracted and focusing too much on the people who are not there! You could set up a skype session at the reception where you can chat to people, but make sure it is a bit special at your end too. There is nothing less inspiring that trying to chat to sleepy people in their sloppy t-shirts, while you are all dressed up and excited!

sexymouse

Nobody came to our wedding abroad as they couldn't afford it, and we had a celebration when we got home. We were completely fine with this. We filmed the wedding and played the ceremony at our UK reception where I wore the dress again etc.

Do they have the option to broadcast the ceremony live over the internet? We could pay for this option if we wanted to (though we chose not to, as the time of day with the time difference was when everyone was at work anyway).

I think it's wrong of them to "expect" you to go. I absolutely wouldn't be able to afford to go if my sister got married in Australia - it's a huge travel expense, and as people have said, something that you do once in a lifetime and probably save up for years to go on.

pollypenny

It would cost a fortune, which you haven't got, to go to Australia.

Send your best wishes and look forward to the party when they visit.

Many people marry abroad now, as families are widely spread and it's rare that the whole clan can make it.

BTW: if a wedding is the most important day of one's life, it's a bit sad. (Happily married for 44 years)

maman

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Just say sorry, you can't afford it, wish them a great time and have a good celebration in the UK. It's none of his parents' business (unless they wish to pay for you to go if it means so much to them).

That's exactly what I'd do. It was the bride's choice to move to Australia and settle there. That's fine but there are consequences and this is one of them.

This happened with someone I know. Just the parents and one auntie (all reasonably well off) went to Aus for the wedding. Later, they had a blessing/second wedding in UK and only groom's parents travelled over for that.

I think you're being very sensible with your money OP and have got your priorities just right. It infuriates me on these boards when you read about people planning expensive weddings when they have huge debts.

lazer

pollypenny wrote: »

It would cost a fortune, which you haven't got, to go to Australia.

Send your best wishes and look forward to the party when they visit.

Many people marry abroad now, as families are widely spread and it's rare that the whole clan can make it.

BTW: if a wedding is the most important day of one's life, it's a bit sad. (Happily married for 44 years)

Why is it a bit sad if the wedding is the most important day of your life?
What should be in your opinion (Other than Children - which not everyone wants)?

euronorris

lazer wrote: »

The cost of one person attending a wedding in Oz is prob around £600 - £800 depending on flights. In reality how much impact will this have on your house deposit - it will possibly delay your target by a few months, but a few months is nothing in the course of a lifetime.

Are you kidding? 600-800 quid? No. One way, maybe. But return, no. Try 1200 minimum (usually), but depending on time of year and any events that may be happening in either country, that can go much, much higher! Oh, and then there will be accomodation costs, food, drink etc.

I have a friend who lives there, and she came back in March for a visit with her OH. Their flights cost them 3k (sterling). Then his grandad died last month and he was desparate to attend the funeral, only the prices had gone up due to the impending Olympics - 2k return for just him!

I don't see why they should have to postpone their dream, just to attend a one day event. For all we know, they could be waiting to get the house sorted before trying for a family. Should they put off that dream too, just for this wedding? Especially considering that there will be a celebration in the UK too? And they could live stream with a webcam as someone suggested?