Family Wedding abroad, what would you do?

faerie~spangles

Another one in a similar position except I'm the mother of the groom.

Son got engaged a few weeks ago and told me the wedding date is pre Christmas this year:eek:

We're in Scotland so flights are more expensive for a kick off the brides family are down south.

Not only that but the wedding date is midweek.

The ex has no more leave to take this year.

Daughter is coming to the end of a year long secondment and will be up to her neck with the handover in December.
My OH is also up to his neck in work at the end of the year.

Even if the wedding was being held down south it would cause considerable effort and expense for us at such short notice.

When told that the timing wasn't good my son responded with that's the date we have chosen and it is our day.

We have now discovered that the English contingent have also responded in a similar manner as us.

Pre Christmas, not much notice, can't get time off work.

The bride and groom are sticking to the date come hell or high water.

They are now coming over to England a few days after the wedding to have a reception and blessing. As they now realise that family and friends can't just drop their plans at such short notice.

The upshot is that I'm going over for four days, staying in a hotel on my own:( My daughter is flying over for the wedding and flying back the next day.

Yes I agree with my son that it is his choice to get married on that date. He on the other hand has to accept that most of his nearest and dearest won't be there.

Not only that the chances of extended family members and friends of the bride and groom ever meeting will never occur.

I get back to Scotland two days before the reception in England and he was disappointed when I told him we won't be attending.

Money does not grow on trees!


OP do not put you life plan on hold in order to fit in with others.

Certainly do not get into debt to do so.

catkins

I am close to my siblings and would have hated not to be at their weddings however if they had got married abroad and I felt that I couldn't afford it I would not have gone and I am positive they would have understood.

I think buying a house is more important than flying to a country you have no interest in visiting, a country so far away and expensive to get to.

catkins

lazer wrote: »

Why is it a bit sad if the wedding is the most important day of your life?
What should be in your opinion (Other than Children - which not everyone wants)?

Surely your wedding day should be the start of a happy marriage with lots more important days?


[QUOTE=lazer;55212177
If it was a friend or a cousin, I would suggest you say no and do not attend if you cannot afford it, but for a sibling wedding, I think you should try everything possible to go, for both your sibling and for your parents.[/QUOTE]


If I were the OP or their partner, I would hope my parents and siblings would understand the reasons why I felt I could not go and not make me feel guilty about it.

lazer wrote: »

It probably depends on how important marriage is to you and your family. I am still old fashioned and do not live with my fiance so marriage is the start of our lives together.
I wouldn't miss my only brothers wedding for anything (and he lives abroad). He will be coming home to attend my wedding too.

IMO it is unfair on those around you, if you have money save plans for x,y or z, and do therefore do not attend important celebrations of them, that you can afford. It is different if you do not ahve the money in the first place, are in debt etc, but if you have the money, I think you should make an effort to be there and support family and friends.

The value of family and friends outweighs the value of money in my opinion.

I believe very strongly in marriage. I too, did not live with my OH before we got married. We talked about just the two of us going off and getting married because we just wanted to be married and not have the hassle of planning and people not being happy - but I wanted my parents and siblings there (not bothered about anyone else). However if I had been abroad, especially somewhere as far as Australia, I would have understood if they had not been able to attend.

The money they have saved is their money to use in the way they want. They want to use it to buy a house which seems pretty sensible to me, but even if they wanted to use it to buys loads of clothes or whatever, it is up to them.

Also they have no inclination to visit Australia - I must say never do I - so why would they spend so much money to go somewhere they have no wish to see?

claire16c

euronorris wrote: »

Are you kidding? 600-800 quid? No. One way, maybe. But return, no. Try 1200 minimum (usually), but depending on time of year and any events that may be happening in either country, that can go much, much higher! Oh, and then there will be accomodation costs, food, drink etc.

I have a friend who lives there, and she came back in March for a visit with her OH. Their flights cost them 3k (sterling). Then his grandad died last month and he was desparate to attend the funeral, only the prices had gone up due to the impending Olympics - 2k return for just him!

I don't see why they should have to postpone their dream, just to attend a one day event. For all we know, they could be waiting to get the house sorted before trying for a family. Should they put off that dream too, just for this wedding? Especially considering that there will be a celebration in the UK too? And they could live stream with a webcam as someone suggested?

I guess the OP just needs to work out exactly what the price would definitely be , and then make a decision and tell them as soon as possible what that is. I think that the fact they are having a UK celebration though suggests they wont be all that offended anyway.

Flights out of Oz are much more expensive than ones going to Oz though. Theyre not really comparable. Our Australian friends are always amazed at the deals you can get from the UK to say the US, or Europe, they dont have such good prices there for comparable distances.

Unless its peak season you can nearly always find flights for under a grand - although you might have to sit in an airport in the middle east for a fair few hours for the super cheap ones But yes of course it depends on the time of year, if its in January then it will probably be over a thousand.

maman

lazer wrote: »

No - I don't believe anyone should postpone starting a family if that is what they want - but that can be done with or without a house.

lazer wrote: »

It probably depends on how important marriage is to you and your family. I am still old fashioned and do not live with my fiance so marriage is the start of our lives together.
I wouldn't miss my only brothers wedding for anything (and he lives abroad). He will be coming home to attend my wedding too.

I am not suggesting they change their life plans, just postpone them or alternatively find a way of making the extra money to pay for the flights.

IMO it is unfair on those around you, if you have money save plans for x,y or z, and do therefore do not attend important celebrations of them, that you can afford. It is different if you do not ahve the money in the first place, are in debt etc, but if you have the money, I think you should make an effort to be there and support family and friends.

I'm finding it really hard to understand your priorities lazer. My heart understands how in an ideal world we'd all like to be afford to do everything we want but this is the real world. How do you prioritise one day (albeit a special one but someone else's) over saving for a home and then a family (although strangely you seem to think trying for a family before establishing a home is ok?). I always thought the old fashioned way was save loads of money, buy a home and get married, start a family?

chirpychick

Personally I think if people choose to get married abroad that is their choice and they will always have to accept that not everybody will be able to make it.
I would let them and your OH's parents aware that you cannot afford to go to Australia right from the off and that you look forward to sharing in the celebrations when they are in the UK.
I would not feel obligated to go.

BitterAndTwisted

My own feeling is that if the OP and OH are sure that they don't want to commit such a huge amount of money to attend this wedding then they shouldn't go, regardless of other people's wishes or opinions. To expect people to drop everything and fly right round to the opposite end of the earth is so massively presumptuous and very, very unreasonable. If the partner's parents are so keen for them to go then they should pay for it.

dizziblonde

We had relatives who'd emigrated to Australia a year or so before our wedding... they (not surprisingly) didn't come to our day in the UK - they'd have been more than welcome but we didn't expect them to come back over for us.

What they did was to send us some vouchers for a largish department store and arranged a telegram to be received and read out at the reception. We didn't really expect anything so the gesture was appreciated.

claire16c

maman wrote: »

I'm finding it really hard to understand your priorities lazer. My heart understands how in an ideal world we'd all like to be afford to do everything we want but this is the real world. How do you prioritise one day (albeit a special one but someone else's) over saving for a home and then a family (although strangely you seem to think trying for a family before establishing a home is ok?). I always thought the old fashioned way was save loads of money, buy a home and get married, start a family?

I can see your point - but the thing about buying a home kinda conflics with the 'we'd all like to be afford to do everything we want but this is the real world' part. Have you seen how much houses cost?? Whats wrong with living in rented accomodation and having a baby?

Seeing as the average age of a first time buyer is late 30s, its hardly wise to suggest to people to wait until then when their fertility is declining.

sharnad

You will see them when they come
E over for the British celebrations. No way would my family expect
Me to put a wedding before owning my own home. A wedding will be a nice time and a good memory but you will live in your home for a really long time and the sooner the better