Partner keeps letting us down.

balletshoes

dottydee854 wrote: »

I didn't specify a time, in hinde sight maybe that is my fault but i did say on several occasions 'not to late, remember you have to be up with the kids in the morning and x and y are coming over in the evening' So common sense would say not too late, kids get up at x time so to function i need y amount of sleep. No one needed to go in the fridge, as all beers drinks ect where out on the top, for the reason so people didn't feel the need to take things that where the kids or mine. I am infact younger than him by 2 and a half years. We have lived together for nearly two years. So boundries ect have been set already.

I don't understand poker myself, but i didn't mind him having people over, it would be no different to me having a 'corporate company' (not sure if allowed to mention the name) over with a few girls. But once that ended everyone would leave, because they know and respect my house and family.

No nothing was cleared by himself, i ended up doing it because i didn't want the kids touching the beer ect as some still had alcohol in and they where mainly glass. I don't feel equal really, not anymore anyway, yes all disussed, enrolled for college, no kids and i dont want to get married in the near future, i'd rather buy a house or new car.

The development so far is he has apologised but only after i've mentioned he hadn't apologised. And i've told him we need to seperate to sort things out. I need to talk to CAB about what to do next.
He has said his only option is going to Cardiff and leaving his job or sleeping rough and work. Neither is really] appropriate and i still care for him. I dont want him on the streets.

I think your OH knows exactly what to say to make you feel sorry for him, and he knows if you feel sorry for him, you won't do anything, no matter how careless he is or how badly he behaves. You are allowing all of this to go on, because you won't take a stand, no matter what you say. And your OH knows it.

Newly_retired

The CAB can't tell you what to do about your relationship.
You would need to go to Relate for that.
They can tell you about your options and rights
eg how to end the relationship
how to find a solicitor
your housing rights
what benefits you might be entitled to as a lone parent eg housing benefit, council tax benefit, child tax credits etc.

Newly_retired

This link might be useful.
http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_relationship_problems_e/ending_a_relationship_when_you_re_living_together.htm

balletshoes

jayII wrote: »

I also wouldn't have cleaned up after him, I'd have taken the kids out using his cash and told him to sort his own mess out.

me too, he'd have got an earbashing for the state of the kitchen and the dining-room, then I'd have left for the day with the kids, telling him when I'd be home, and that I wouldn't be cleaning up. The kids would have got a picnic from the supermarket for lunch out, and maybe even a McDonalds or another takeaway for tea, no need to be in the kitchen until bedtime. No need for the kids to be in either room until it was cleaned, they could have stayed in the living room and brought some toys from their bedrooms to play with.

GobbledyGook

You have to hide money because he raids your purse and leaves you with nothing.
You can't trust him with the children really because he left your son alone in a taxi.
He allows friends to smash up a chair and trash your dining room and leaves you to clean up.
Going to, and staying in, the bookies is a good enough reason for him to leave you and the children waiting on him for 2 hours.
He has no respect for you (doesn't bother telling you when he'll be home, leaves you in the park, happy for you to clean up etc, !!!!!! on the computer).
He uses emotional blackmail to make it difficult for you to ask him to change his behaviour or to leave.

Why are you putting up with it?

Everyone else may love him, but they don't live with him. The fact he has no-where else to go is not a reason to stay with him. What about all these fab friends who were comfortable enough in your home to smash your furniture - surely one of them will put him up for a bit?

dottydee854

Yes ur knows how to make me feel bad. But I've had to.suck it up, as I need to figure out what to do. He has taken the laptop upstairs.now to sort moving out. Thanks for all your advice and understanding x

Newly_retired

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that Relate will tell you what to do about your relationship. Only you can decide that, but going to Relate enables you by yourself or together with your partner, to look at the issues and find a way forward, which may or may not lead to separation.

GobbledyGook

dottydee854 wrote: »

Yes ur knows how to make me feel bad. But I've had to.suck it up, as I need to figure out what to do. He has taken the laptop upstairs.now to sort moving out. Thanks for all your advice and understanding x

No-one is trying to make you feel bad. Just trying to point out that you are worth more than that - everyone is.

balletshoes

GobbledyGook wrote: »

No-one is trying to make you feel bad. Just trying to point out that you are worth more than that - everyone is.

If I could thank this more than once, I would. Thats the bottom line OP, everyone is worth more than the way your OH treats you, your children and your home.

Tiddlywinks

dottydee854 wrote: »

He has taken the laptop upstairs.now to sort moving out. Thanks for all your advice and understanding x

So, he's going? How has that come about?

I thought you hadn't even really talked about it.