OH's best mate looking at photos of me on PC!!

warehouse

By password protecting the PC you've made the statement that you know what happened. That will be enough, and he will feel like the idiot that he has been.

Don't ruin their friendship because of it.

DianneB

Were you happy for everyone on the beach to see you in the bikini??

Welshwoofs

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

Because he should not be looking.

I did not tell her to freak out, I told her to take the keyboard away without telling the bloke anything. How is that freaking out. He looked at something uninvited so then he'll not be able to.

Freaking out was your Daily Mailesque statements about the hypothetical situation of there being a photo of a child or teenager on there.....as though the mere existence of such photos would suddenly make the man a pedophile.

Ever see Brass Eye? I was put very much in mind of that.

By the way, what's the point in taking the keyboard away? That just inconveniences themselves as well. As I said, how about being adults and telling him that they'd prefer he asked permission to use the computer or password files they don't want anyone else to see even if they allow someone to use the computer?

As I also said, the first stop would probably be to find out if her husband has ever given his friend the impression that the computer is open for all because, again, he may well have done in the past .....and many a war has been started due to miscommunication.

mildred1978

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

Because he should not be looking.

I did not tell her to freak out, I told her to take the keyboard away without telling the bloke anything. How is that freaking out. He looked at something uninvited so then he'll not be able to.

But without any protection, either on the files or the computer, taking the keyboard won't do anything to stop someone viewing the photos. All they'd need is a mouse!

pimento

mrs_sparrow

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Freaking out was your Daily Mailesque statements about the hypothetical situation of there being a photo of a child or teenager on there.....as though the mere existence of such photos would suddenly make the man a pedophile.

Ever see Brass Eye? I was put very much in mind of that.

By the way, what's the point in taking the keyboard away? That just inconveniences themselves as well. As I said, how about being adults and telling him that they'd prefer he asked permission to use the computer or password files they don't want anyone else to see even if they allow someone to use the computer?

As I also said, the first stop would probably be to find out if her husband has ever given his friend the impression that the computer is open for all because, again, he may well have done in the past .....and many a war has been started due to miscommunication.

No, people have clearly and openly stated on here that she was 'asking for it' as she did not password protect her PC. And this is very wrong.

What's more she was even told she obviously was enjoying it and expected it.

She is even being told that it was tough that the nosy old bas steward saw her because she was happy to wear a bikini on a beach so her body has to be on show for all perverts who want a look at her private photo's.

What next.... is she asking to be touched because she wore the wrong kind of clothing around him and he clearly has some weird crush on her?

You should not have to password protect or lock things away when you have friends visit. Friends should respect your things and not go nosing through your stuff. Where do you draw the line?

She is clearly asking in the OP the best way to deal with it and she did not want to ruin any friendship, however, it should not have happened because friends do not go nosing through other peoples photos/clothing/possessions/paperwork without being invited or asking.

And it said 'best friend' not 'lifelong friend', I've been with my husband 10 years more than he has known his best friend - hard not to make assumptions, isn't it?

dragonette

Personally my reaction to the OP's situation would be to ask the friend directly, in full veiw and hearing of my OH. If there's a vaiid reason (looking for a specific pic he had been told about etc), then fine and that's the end of it. If he cannot give a reason that is acceptable to either OH and myself then he would be told firmly that we find that unacceptable and please do not do it again.

If it then happened again I would probably ask OH if we can arrange things so that the friend is not left alone in our home with our possessions. Just password protecting the comp would not be sufficient for me.

I don't think the above would require harm to their friendship for no reason (puts the onus of the wrong-doer). If the friend didn't think it was a problem then he knows for the future. If he doesn't care about causing problems then if my OH wishes to continue the friendship, I would ask for compromises as to time and place so I was not made to feel uncomfortable.

If people never get told when something isn't acceptable or is hurtul, they don't know to change their behaviour. Alternatively, some know fine well and are counting to other to be too nice to pull them up on it.

Ps. I accept that tone and body language would be very important in avoiding turning the above into a fight. It would still be my first reaction

And I don't care what it is he's snooping at, its intrusive and I'm not accepting behaviour I hate in my home

ariba10

There are a lot of people on here that need to get a life !

Wickedkitten

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

Entrapment !!!!!!? The woman does not trust him and so she checked up on him - and guess what? She has every reason not to trust him. It's like having £100 tucked in the back of your bedroom drawer and then checking that it is still there because you know the guy has taken money from you in the past. If he had done this you would make sure there is no money left lying around...... PC's are not so easy to remove.

It might just be me, but if I had someone in my house that I knew that been looking at photos of me on my computer before, then I would put a password on it so that he couldn't.

If it is someone that you know or even think has taken money from you in the past, then you wouldn't go leaving them alone in your house now, would you?

Taadaa

I think that if it bothered the OP that much she should have put them somewhere where he couldn't see after the first incident.

I can understand to an extent why she feels uncomfortable, but unless the guy has done and/or said other things of a pervy nature, or has implied that he finds the OP attractive out of ear shot of her OH, then this is really not something to be getting all dramatic over imho. And it is especially not something to potentially end a friendship over.

It sounds as though he was being nosey, as some people are left to their own devices in someone else's house, and had a look at what he could find. Well he's a bloke, of course he is going to look at pictures of the half naked chick.

My DH and his mates all had a good oggle when the pics of Scarlet Johansson were on the internet. It doesn't mean they fancy her or would shag her if they got the chance. It's just curiosity over women's bodies; he would never normally look at Page 3 or whatever. Some women would have done the same having been presented with the opportunity to see pictures of the boyf in speedos.