Taking one step at a time-after death, before birth

kavics17

Ikea was good, got everything I wanted and managed not to buy things I didn't need. I am going to make a trip to Homebase this afternoon to pick up last things and than I'm officially done with baby shopping.

I feel a bit deflated today, everything hurts though not sure if it's physical or emotional. I miss him so much . Thankfully a friend and my brother are coming for lunch so I will have a reason to cheer up and get distracted.

I really need to look into the finances as well but want to wait till my investment cashes in on the 6th to see what I can do and how much I really have.

Buffythedebtslayer

kavics17 wrote: »

Ikea was good, got everything I wanted and managed not to buy things I didn't need. I am going to make a trip to Homebase this afternoon to pick up last things and than I'm officially done with baby shopping.

I feel a bit deflated today, everything hurts though not sure if it's physical or emotional. I miss him so much . Thankfully a friend and my brother are coming for lunch so I will have a reason to cheer up and get distracted.

I really need to look into the finances as well but want to wait till my investment cashes in on the 6th to see what I can do and how much I really have.

Wow, you can do that? I can't I spend LOADS AND LOADS on crap (good quality well made crap) that I never knew I needed and then have to find homes for it all. the cheese grater with the box attached is amazing...............

Very glad you have visitors today. Distraction can be good.

always sending hugs xxxx

kavics17

Lol Buffy, I had a list with me and sticked to it. I think it really helped that I had 3 friends with me who did not enjoy going around in Ikea:).

determined_new_ms

Hi Kavics have just read your diary through over the last couple of days. I really do feel for you. It must be so hard going through what are you when you are pregnant and in need of being looked after. You come across as a woman to be reckoned with! Despite the challenges going forward, dealing with your debt and carrying on.

I'm subscribing so I can follow your journey. Wishing you lots of peace x

jwil

Glad you got what you wanted. Hope the lunch goes ok today.

Tete_en_l'Air

Oh my goodness Kavics, I've just stumbled on this thread and had no idea what you had been going through (I didn't even realise you were pregnant) - you poor soul! I'm amazed at how strong you're being, your daughter is very lucky to have you as her Mum. I think the idea of writing stories about her Daddy is a wonderful one and something she'll treasure when she's older xx

kavics17

Thank you Determined and Tete, really appreciate of your words. I am really not as strong, maybe I look like but believe me my life is a rollercoster, I have all kind of emotions and most of the time I have no idea how to deal with them. I just don't want to believe that this happened to us, I am hoping every time the doorbell rings that he is back and I wake up.

I am interviewing a doula tonight and have another one coming on Friday, still not sure whether I want to have one at the birth but I figured I'm not losing anything by seeing people. They are both mentored doulas so the cost is very low but at least I would know that someone will be there and help me to get through it.

determined_new_ms

wow just went off to find out what a doula is. Thanks for offering me my education for the day

Seems like a lovely idea. You will have a load of feelings when you give birth, we all do. Its a lovely, but also confusing time (well it was for me but I was 16 and then 18) and also you will feel sadness that your oh isn't there. So I think it will be good for you to have someone to help with all the practical stuff.

Oh by the way you are strong, you just don't see it because of what you are going through. But I'm telling you a blind man could see it x

Tete_en_l'Air

The way youre feeling is only to be expected at the moment, its still very early days and your hormones will be raging anyway - I cant really offer any advice as your situation is just so far away from anything I've ever experienced, but I would say to just take things as they come and don't place too much expectation on yourself.

I too had to look up 'doula' - didn't know they existed! Hope you find someone you feel you can connect with x

kavics17

The doula was lovely but she is not available every night so I need to think about it. She gave me two more phone numbers so I give them a call this week.

Short week for me, I have my anti d injection on Friday so taking the afternoon off.