Taking one step at a time-after death, before birth

determined_new_ms

Me three! I can only imagine that the monies you have received are a double edged sword, money you would set alight in a heart beat to have your fiance back even for a minute. But the situation is what it is and this will take some pressure off of you, if only financially.

You'll get through this, and you are already

Thinking of you x

Birdie85

Hi Kavics, I'm so sorry to read about what's happened to you. I was so happy for you when you got pregnant and it's taken me a while to find out what to say since I found out about your OH.

I still have no words but I'm thinking of you. It's clear that your OH was a wonderful person for everyone to think so highly of him and go the extra mile to make sure that you're looked after in his absence. How wonderful of his employer to pay you that benefit which means your little girl will have a comfortable start in life.

Have you thought about making a photobook with pictures of you and your OH for your daughter? It can be her special Daddy book and you can look at it together and tell her stories (or write them down and get them printed in the book too?) so she always knows how wonderful her Dad was.

Hope you can get to yoga, if not how about a swim or a little walk in a local park? Both are great for taking some time out and clearing your head.

Much love xxxxx

kavics17

TTC40 wrote: »

Have I missed something? Why the court case and need for DNA test. Ignore me if it's something you don't want to go over. X

We weren't married and to be able to put him on birth certificate I need to prove paternity. I already have his DNA at a clinic and as soon as baby is born I need to send hers off too. I need to apply at the court with DNA result to get permission to put his name on the certificate, and than re-register the birth. With new birth certificate I need to go to the court in Poland and in Hungary (he was Polish and had assets in both countries) to do probate. According to Polish law the only person who inherits his estate is the baby if born alive. It's very very complicated and will cost a lot of money as I don't speak Polish and I am not based there (lawyer quoted me 2000euros plus appr. £500 in Hungary). I don't even want to think about it yet, just will go with the flow after the birth.

Lam, Jwil and DNMs, I am planning to stay on the board even though I will be debt free. I still need to budget for things and can't go overboard as I will be a single mum with only one income coming in. I will not be elligable for tax credits/housing benefits because of my income, the only extra I will be getting is child benefit (£80 a month). Speaking of income, after maternity I will be on £26k a year which is a significant drop from current income but I can have baby with me and will have no childcare cost. I have not calculated how we will manage on a month by month basis but I think we will be just fine.

Thank you Birdie for your words, really appreciate them. OH was not perfect but he was my OH, the most important person in my life in the past 8 years, he was the person I wanted to grow old with and make and raise babies. I will do a scrapbook for us to look at it, probably when I go on maternity leave. I already have a memory box with his things such as his favourite jumper, tickets, pictures, handprint and all the cards he gave me and I gave him in the past 8 years, also all his certificates and many other things. I want my little girl to know her daddy as much as possible. My dad also plans to take us to Poland every year around his anniversary (his birthday and death was within a month), I think it's such a great gesture, I would not be able to go there on my own.

Jox

Just wanted to say how touched I am by your story and wish you and baby all the best

HeadAboveWater

Didn't want to read and run.

So, so sorry to hear of your loss I'm sure every day is a challenge for you, but I hope that it gets a little bit easier as time goes on.

Hopefully when baby comes, she will help to fill a bit of the void that has been left by OH.

I do think Birdie85s idea of scrapbook or photobook is really good, and I love that you already have a memory box. Something to treasure forever, and share with your daughter.

Thinking about you.

*hug*

kavics17

Thank you.

I saw the doula. She was lovely but she wasn't for me. I can't fault her but I didn't have the feeling I had with the first one, I think with the first one I felt at ease from beginning. I am going to see another one on Wednesday who is willing to do a share with the first one or do it on her own.

lilmissmup

I am relived to hear you will have financial support when the baby is here, less stress will be good for you with the baby.

kavics17

Woke up at 2 again, sleeping is not my strength.

I got a call last night from inland revenue saying that the £600 tax bill they sent out was wrong and it should have been £6 only. Very glad, needless to say.

I am going to clean a bit than off to do some shopping and going window shopping for a pram with my brother. Not buying it yet, just want to make sure I am happy with the chosen one.

kavics17

Window shopping was successful, I found the pram I want ( and it's not Macarena, I decided to go for the baby jogger mini city). It's more expensive but I feel it suits me better in the long term, with maclaren baby would face away from me and I wouldn't be able to use the shopping basket or handle bar but wit bjcm I can both. It's also light so commuting in London is ok with it. It costs £412 new with rain cover and bassinet, I managed to pull one on eBay just this morning for £274 new including all accessories. I'm very pleased.

Not sure what I'm doing today, no plans whatsoever.

LAM2011

At least it sounds like you will be able to have a Doula present then. Hopefully you will click with the one you are meeting this week too. I agree its important to feel at ease with them. You are going to be so emotional.

Good news on the pram - you are really good at finding bargains. You get so many different prams these days too and I think living in London you need the most suitable as life can be very stressfull on two feet never mind with a pram. (I lived in London for 2 years but am a country bumpkin really so live North now)