Taking one step at a time-after death, before birth

kavics17

This is my 3rd diary on MSE, unfortunately not the one I was hoping for.

Over 2 months ago my lovely fiance passed away. He was only 35, we were together for 8.5 years. He had a routine operation back in January and gradually got worst and worst afterwards. He went back to Poland where he was originally from to seek medical help and died on the day he was due to fly back to the UK.

I can't express how I feel: the sadness, the devastation, the loneliness, how much I miss him. I am 32, also nearly 24 weeks pregnant with our first child, our very much wanted little girl is due in November. I need this diary to concentrate on clearing the debts and face parenthood on my own.

The current debt stands at around £14000. I don't know the exact figures but will find out later this week. The loan is only on my name, a decision we made together for different reasons. At the moment I am ok financially, I work full time and earn decent amount of money. I can afford 6 months maternity leave if everything goes well and I am in a fortunate position where I can take my baby with me to work (though my salary will be reduced). I also have income coming in from rental property abroad but it's not a huge amount. I am not elligable for any kind of benefits (apart from 25% council tax reduction) and I want to keep it this way.

My worries are the huge expenses I am facing once baby is born. As we were not married and as he was Polish, Polish law has priority over everything. According to it whatever he had belongs to baby if born alive. I need to have a DNA test done proving his paternity, than start the case of his inheritance in Poland, etc. I got quotes from lawyers and I'm facing a bill of 2000 euros so far. I don't speak Polish and I have to rely on my lawyer to sort out everything. I have not heard from our life insurance provider yet (it was a joint policy) but as far as I know he did not leave a beneficary on the policy either. It's all a mess at the moment but I'm sure it will fall into place when the time comes.

I have changed so much in the past few weeks, people say I'm strong but to be honest I have no choice really. I am not worried about things anymore, just get on with whatever life has for me. I want to make him proud of us, girls and will do everything to achieve this. He was the strongest, most decent man I have ever met and I feel lucky to share the past 8.5 years with him.

So please join me on the journey if you wish so.

BritAbroad

Kavics, I don't know what to say. I am so sorry for what you're going through. (((Hugs)))

please-let-me-be-lucky

I was wondering how you were getting on. Big hugs . I'd love to join you on your journey to welcoming your little girl and dealing with everything else Xx

kavics17

Thank you. Welcome both of you.

I haven't been here for the past couple of weeks, just didn't know what to say or how to say it. I still don't but I know that focusing on other things helps me a lot. Things are calming down now, not much left to sort out. I have the week off so can make plans for future and start sorting baby things out. Tomorrow I am going to see his boss, his final payment came through a month ago but apparently he had a death in service benefit package they want to talk about. I have also started to put together a memory box for our little girl, it's been a highly emotional day.

Enchanted21

You have written such a poignant post x. My arms and heart reaches out to you and your soon to be daughter. I have to admire your combined strength and sensitivity. I would sincerely like to be a supporter, standing tall next to you whilst you deal with whatever life has in store. I wish I knew what to say, words fail me, but put your hand in mine and know that I pass some of my strength on to you :-) Xx

Take good care.

Love, Enchanted X

Wordsmith

I can't imagine a situation such as you are going through. Nor can I find the words to express my sorrow at how you must be feeling.

Your post shows great strength and already you love your baby beyond measure. You will get through this for her sake and for the memory of your fiance.

Do you have support from your family? What contact do you have with your fiance's family?

Much love to you and good luck, Kavics.

LAM2011

Hi Kavics, have been waiting for your new diary (after you said a few weeks back you would start a new one) and have been wondering how you are doing.

He would be proud of you - I know what you mean about being strong because you have to. But you have been amazing even before with how you have tackled your debt, the rental property, the illness - everything.

I love the idea of the memory box and cant wait to hear about your little girl. Will be here with you again on this diary. Good luck and take care of you and baby girl. x

Xandersmum

Hi Kavics, Just read your post in tears and my hearts goes out to you! I lost my Mum in October and I can honestly say without my little boy I never would have got through. It is so true that you are strong because you have to be, and your baby girl will give you a reason to get up in the morning and keep going. I have no practical advise to give you, but I'm sending you lots of love and hugs xxx

jwil

Nice to hear from you again Kavics, I'll be with you as well. I agree that your OH would be very proud of you.

kavics17

My family is great, I am forever grateful of the support my mum, dad, brothers and sister offered me right after he passed away. They drove all night to Poland to attend the funeral and made decisions in my name. They don't live closeby, they are in mainland Europe but my little brother is here and keeps me occupied at the weekends. My friends are also very supportive, I can honestly say I couldn't have managed without them in the past few weeks.

As for his family, it's very difficult as I don't speak Polish and they don't speak English apart from his 17yr old niece. I try to keep in touch with them by sending scan photos, etc and my lawyer has contact with them regarding legal issues. It's not ideal, it never will be but they are and will be part of our lives.

I'm off swimming this morning, than picking up a moses basket from freecycle. Seeing his boss at 11 than back home again to catch up on sorting out things/paperwork.

parsniphead

Kavic17

Such a sad post but was also filled with positivity for your future. I hope everything works out for you and your little girl. So sorry for you loss. Parsniphead.