Taking one step at a time-after death, before birth

chevalier

kavics17 wrote: »

Over 2 months ago my lovely fiance passed away. He was only 35, we were together for 8.5 years. He had a routine operation back in January and gradually got worst and worst afterwards. He went back to Poland where he was originally from to seek medical help and died on the day he was due to fly back to the UK.

So so very sorry to hear this. Thank you for putting my !!!!y little problems into perspective.

I can't express how I feel: the sadness, the devastation, the loneliness, how much I miss him. I am 32, also nearly 24 weeks pregnant with our first child, our very much wanted little girl is due in November. I need this diary to concentrate on clearing the debts and face parenthood on my own.

OH mate what a terrible blow to come at a time that should be one of the most joyous of your life. Will you get the surestart grant to help out with the costs?

My worries are the huge expenses I am facing once baby is born.

You are off to a good start with these if you are getting things off freecycle for the baby. I am sure that the family will be able to help you with pushchairs and car seats etc too even the family in Poland.

As we were not married and as he was Polish, Polish law has priority over everything. I take it he didn't make a will? Even though they are now in the EU? Thought it was all equal now?

According to it whatever he had belongs to baby if born alive. I need to have a DNA test done proving his paternity, than start the case of his inheritance in Poland, etc. I got quotes from lawyers and I'm facing a bill of 2000 euros so far. Can you get legal aid for this?

I don't speak Polish and I have to rely on my lawyer to sort out everything. Not sure where you are in the country, but have you asked around to see if there are any Polish speakers who can help you? Eg if you lived near Coventry there is a fairly large Polish community there.

I have not heard from our life insurance provider yet (it was a joint policy) but as far as I know he did not leave a beneficary on the policy either. I guess chasing this should be top of the list as it may well pay for the above and some more perhaps?

It's all a mess at the moment but I'm sure it will fall into place when the time comes. I hope that this is the case.

I can't imagine how VERY hard this must be, all of it. I hope some of the above may be a help to you.
chev

Triker

Hi Kavics17, I'm just going through Mse and your post caught my eye. firstly I want to say how sorry I am about your sad news about the loss of your partner, secondly I will be silently cheering you on from the sidelines as I'm subscribing to your thread as you go through this journey.

I'm now racking my brains to think of anything I can suggest at he moment that may be of assistance, if I can think of something I'll pass it on.

I'm sure the must be some sort of interpretation service somewhere for the Polish side of things.

Good luck today.

Triker

Hope today went ok for you Kavics17.

kavics17

Feet up, Downtown Abbey switched on-finally resting. I had a mega busy day, I left the house at 8 and didn't get back home till 5.

I picked up the moses basket and the lady gave me a baby bath, sterilizer (which will go to my pregnant friend as I already have one) and a huge sack of clothes, baby is sorted for up to 6 months. She was so kind, I am so grateful that she chose me.

Went to see my fiance's boss and he was very nice too, I cried . Again . Filled in the forms but I have no idea when and how much they will pay, I'm not even sure it will be me who gets it, it might be his parents. His boss also gave me a card, all his mates signed it and wrote nice messages about him, I am so happy that he was loved and respected.

I also went to the gp as on my right leg I started to get varicose veins and it's a bit painful, I got some compression stockings prescribed, hope they will help with the pain.

Chevalier, thank you for your input. I won't qualify for surestart grand as I earn too much, same for legal aid. As for life insurance, I got a letter 2 weeks ago from them that the investigation might take up to 6 weeks, than his GP called last week that he received the claim form and would post it back to them this week. I will not benefit from the life insurance as we were not married and there was no beneficiary so it's irrevelant whether it pays out or not or when it will pay out. I am not counting on any money, if I get something I will appreciate it but at the moment I have to manage on my own.

As for getting any help with baby stuff, I have many friends who already gave me many things including all the maternity clothes, baby equipments such as sterilizer, breast pump, etc. The only things I have to buy are the pushchair and a cot, first one will be off ebay, second from Ikea so it will be very MSE. I won't need carseat, I don't have a car. My neighbour already offered his for bringing baby back from hospital so that is sorted too.

mummytogirls

Oh Kavics, just saw your diary and wanted to say how sorry I am about what you have been through (hugs).

Dont know what else to say really x I am glad people are pulling together for you and your baby xxx

NewLeaf_2

Kavics I am so sorry for your loss. It is amazing that you are getting through the days and your love for your OH comes through in all of it.

Sending Hugs and Support

kavics17

Thanks for all of you.

I had a productive day today, listed lots of things on ebay. Mainly unused things which been in drawer for years. Also took 2 huge bags of clothes to the charity, I sorted out my summer wardrobe and cruelly threw away tons. I sadly also put my bike on ebay, I commuted by bike until 16 weeks but I can't do it anymore. Realistically I will not cycle with baby, London roads are no place for that so will try to sell it.

My landlord is coming tonight, he will repaint the flat later this week, it really needs to be doing before baby arrives. My brother also will come for dinner, so won't be alone for a change.

Tomorrow is a big day as all direct debits are going out and hopefully Lloyds will be paid off. I will concentrate on Sainsburys after though I have a £600 tax bill to pay by the end of this year as well as £851 to Home Office for british citizenship application. Budgeting, budgeting and more budgeting required.

Feeling a bit better today, yesterday was very emotional. Sorting out baby clothes really helped.

Merlin_and_Me

Hi Kavics, Have been lurking but wanted to come out of the wood work and offer you my greatest admiration, respect and support. I cannot even begin to fathom how things are for you right now. I am so glad you have found the wonderful world of MSE and the endless support that it offers. I don't know where you are but if there is ever anything you need assistance with please please just ask. Being on your own in a strange place with no one to just say "its ok" is extremely hard. Just know that there are people there for you.

Lots of hugs and best wishes for baby. xx

sweetpea26

Hello Kavics

I am so very sorry for your loss and for all the pain that you are going through. May God bless you and your little child. You will never be alone when you have friends on MSE. You will receive so much support. Take care of yourself.

kavics17

Thank you. I know I am lucky, I have really good friends who are helping me all the time.

Last night I bagged up his clothes with my brother, it was very emotional but to be honest they don't mean anything to me. Clothes were never important for him or for me but still feel very sad. The landlord is taking his wardrobe away on Friday as the cot will go there once I buy it. I miss him deeply and I still don't want to accept that he is not coming back but at the same time I know he won't.

Money wise: last Lloyds payment went out so officially it's been paid off. It hasn't been cleared on loan account yet though.


Today's to do list:

• call Inland Revenue re foreign income tax
• call employer's tax company re maternity leave and pay
• call Sainsbury's and find out loan balance
• pack up rest of stuff and take bags to charity
• collect argos reservation (mattress protector for cot for £1.99;))
• go to pharmacy
• shred old tax papers
• post office
• swimming in the evening

Not much but I will be in and out of the house so will pass quickly. I'm grateful I have the week off, not sure how I would have managed to do all these while working.