Taking one step at a time-after death, before birth

kavics17

Thank you so much Ampersand. Yes, I have to let grieve work through me, it's just really hard sometimes as I like to be in control. This feeling inside me is so unexpected, I can't do anything about it, I can't control it. It doesn't get easier just yet, but hope that by being closer to family will help me to heal.

We are always out and about, I can't stay indoor for long. Never could. Baby Kavics finally doesn't fall asleep in the buggy every time we go out so I just chat and sing to her, she is really responsive. We are also busy seeing friends, we have plans for the rest of the week. It's half term so friends with school age kids are also available which is really nice.

ampersand

Good girl:-) [another Cabin Fever person here; can't stand being stuck indoors]

-both of you(((((((((()))))))))))

TTC40

If you want to cry, let it out. I know it would be difficult for your friend too - but IMO it's good to let it out.

I also think it's good to set yourself little goals of things to do - but don't beat yourself up if the stuff doesn't get on e bay etc. The important thing is the health & wellbeing of you two. Everything else can wait.

I don't 'know' you & can only imagine what you have gone through, but you are doing really well. Praise yourself for what you have achieved & what a caring Mummy you already are.

kavics17

Baby Kavics is 14 weeks old. She is grumpy this week, no idea what is wrong with her. Teething maybe? WHo knows? We are off swimming today, I prepare myself for the screams.

I booked the removal company and flight tickets, I am officially moving at the end of April, eeek. New beginnings. It is scary how many things I need to do beforehand but will write a list. I will also try to fit everyone in and say goodbye, it will be hard.

I feel a bit better now than last week, just extremely busy all the time entertaining a little monkey. She is a joy though, I love how she smiles and coos at me.

NewLeaf_2

she sounds like an angel and is probably teething xx

kavics17

Finally did some listings on Ebay and on Gumtree. Let's hope I will make some profit. I made a mistake by buying the wrong Tripp Trapp babyset so now that is back on Ebay and hoping that it will sell for the same price.

Baby Kavics' sleep is all over the place, it's not helping that I am in and out of the house. I had a lovely lunch with my girlies and while at the restaurant I texted my brother whether he wanted to take Baby Girl out for a bit so I can eat with two hands . He came within 5 min (the restaurant was opposite his house) and I had my first child free time since Xmas. She was an angel and slept through and I had a very relaxing time with my friends.

I asked my brother to babysit for her in April so I can do a leaving party and he agreed!

I am also taking part in Dinah's March Madness challenge, I set myself a target of £800 to raise by the end of the month. Not sure if I can manage but I sure will try. I had an unexpected half Kit day on Friday and got paid £65, also sold reusable nappies worth £20. So the balance is at £85. I have a couple of items on Ebay going and applied for switching bank account, if approved I will get £100. Also got the new BA Amex card and if they give me the points for a flight to Europe than I will count that towards it. I need to chase up Orange and ask them to refund me the BT landline. Lots to do and not enough time.

mrbrightside842

I've only just found this post so am coming late into this, but you sound amazing!

kavics17

March Madness continues, I sold another thing on gumtree and also saved the council tax this month. So total savings of today is £92. I have another sale coming through on gumtree tomorrow, that should be £20.

A lady contacted me about the tripp trapp highchair, we are actually going to do a swap. She bought the new one but has the old chair, I bought the old one and have the new one. So all is good, we are meeting on Thursday, that saves me ebay and paypal fees and the hussle to look for the set.

ampersand

Oh, what a good result! Isn't it a lovely feeling when things like that mesh together just perfectly?
Well done! mummy kavics:-)

I bet Uncle kavics can't wait to babysit for your leaving party. You'll all have a marvellous evening. The rest of your time - it's only the end of next month now - will race away, but you are remarkably organised, despite baby k. having her own versions of routine sometimes.

Spring is here!

kavics17

I am so tired. Mentally. Grief is climbing on me and it's worst than ever was. I was so strong for so long and now everything makes me wobble. The anniversary is coming, baby girl was concieved a year ago, OU assignment due, decision being made about the move, Mother's day was tough, his family is not being the easiest to deal with and baby girl suffering from something and screaming all the time. I had a friend over today and finally had a good cry, a really needed one.

I miss him more than ever, I miss not being in a relationship with him, not sharing moments with him, not sharing baby girl with him. I am grieving that I can't give baby girl a sibling (possibly overthinking this bit), that I can't give her a father. I am tearful and sad. I want him back. I would give everything what I have to have him back. But tomorrow is another day and I have 8 hours to regain my strength, baby girl needs me.

Sorry for depressing post but this is how I feel. I can't deny it, I don't want to deny it. I am dealing with it and hoping that grief won't turn into depression, I can't let that happen. I am trying to focus on the good things at the same time but it is hard at the moment. Baby girl falling on the boob today was a good moment, I shall cherish that.