Taking one step at a time-after death, before birth

LAM2011

Nice to hear from you - and good to hear you are both doing well. I am so glad there is some joy in your life now. x

jwil

Nice to hear from you and glad baby Kavics is doing well

I'm going to use cloth nappies as well, I was given quite a stash.

Have a good trip to see your parents

kavics17

Thank you.

Why do little people get sick when you don't want them to do so? Baby kavics came down with temperature last night and threw up this morning. Though i think it was the calpol, she really doesn't like the taste and that brought the milk back up. She seems ok at the moment, i really hope it doesn't get worst. We are on our way to airport, thankfully it is a short flight.

Jwil, which nappies did you get? I have little lambs for size 1, and lollipop bamboo and some other type for size 2. I really like the bum genius ones too, need to find a good bargain on those.

jwil

Hope you are having a nice break.

I've got a selection of all different types of nappies from various different brands. It's quite good because I'll be able to try a few and see which ones work best for me. I've got quite a few birth to potty ones, so if they work out it will be very :money:

kavics17

We are back, our break was really nice but frustrating. Lots of things are happening. Some good, some bad.

10 years ago today, at the age of 23, I left my country to have the time of my life in England, I supposed to stay only for a year than ment to go back to get a job, get married and have kids. But my ex boyfriend left me, married my best friend and had his first child- so I stayed. 1 month before the year was up I met my OH so I stayed a bit longer and a bit longer.

10 years on I made my decision, we are moving back. Aiming for end of April. It wasn't an easy decision to make but spending an extra 2.5 years with baby Kavics at home won. She will have the chance to get to know the family, learn the language properly and have fun with her mummy. I am afraid and I know it won't be easy but trying to see it as an adventure. I have to start making phone calls, dreading to talk to my boss as I really like her but hope she will understand.

I have huge troubles with baby Kavics' papers-we both have dual nationalities but because of a twisted law I need to go to the court to be able to get a birth certificate, NI, passport in my home country. It might take months or even years to sort it out. I have stressed quite a lot over it but hoping my lawyer will be able to sort this mess out.

My OH's family also causing problems which I don't want to talk about on an open forum but let's just say they caused sleepless nights and lots of tears in the past weeks. I don't really know what to do about them, just going with the flow at the moment. We will go to Poland in April on his birthday and they will see baby girl hopefully.

My OH was not a very social person, he liked to have his old friends around him but could hardly make new ones. Baby Kavics shows similar signs though I am hoping she will be a friendly and open little girl. While at home she was confident and smiley with my mum, dad, cousin and sister but cried with everyone else. Even if they just looked at her, she burst into tears. I am very close to my parents, cousin and sister and wonder whether she feels that hence she was happy with them. She melts my heart when cooing and her smiles are just so sweet. She sleeps on her tummy now so I ordered a movement monitor, it was a bargain on ebay and I am sure I can resell it afterwards. It's just for my piece of mind, I need to know that she is safe and sound.

As for New York fund, I sold the bassinet so we are now standing at about £200. I advertised her high chair on gumtree too (it's an old version tripp trapp off ebay and I got a newer version for same price), and my breast pump. I still breastfeed her but she is a monkey, nowadays just arguing with boobs rather than sucking it properly. I don't want to stop it, I love having her so close to me.

I have lots to do this week, aiming to do at least half of it .

poet123

"My OH's family also causing problems which I don't want to talk about on an open forum but let's just say they caused sleepless nights and lots of tears in the past weeks. I don't really know what to do about them, just going with the flow at the moment."

I am sorry you are having to cope with this at a time when you need to think of yourself and your daughter. I thought it was very kind of you to send them the insurance money when you clearly could have used it yourself. I think you need to consider what your OH would have counselled in these circumstances. Take care.

ampersand

I ENTIRELY second poet123's post, kavics.

If nothing else, remember that breast milk flow and supply do not respond well to stress.
re:
I have huge troubles with baby Kavics' papers-we both have dual nationalities but because of a twisted law I need to go to the court to be able to get a birth certificate, NI, passport in my home country. It might take months or even years to sort it out. I have stressed quite a lot over it but hoping my lawyer will be able to sort this mess out.

-please stick with that and let the other words fall away. It is your lawyer's job, not yours.

Now read poet's wise words again and know that we are all supporting you.

You have a treasure to love for Life - and she has this in you. Nothing else matters.

Hugs and strength to you both.

jwil

Sorry to hear about all the difficulties, I echo what's already been said.

My niece was very much like your little girl when she was young, and although she's not hugely outgoing now, she is better than she was, so you might find that baby kavics will become a little more used to meeting 'strangers' as she grows.

kavics17

My grief is crawling back slowly, I feel very emotional. Even just writing this down brought tears in my eyes, I really need a good cry. I had a chat with a good friend last weekend and when I told her how I felt, she asked me not to cry as she would cry also. I was ok at that time and we changed subject and had a good afternoon with lots of giggles and cuddles with baby Kavics. I know it is hard for my friends to see me feeling emotional as there is nothing they can do to bring him back but I so wish for a good cry sometimes. Grief is funny though, there are days when I feel fine and can move on, there are days when I am angry, there are days when I am tearful. I feel probably worst now than I felt 6 months ago - it was in my mind recently that we became a couple on the 16th Feb 9 years ago, but on the day I completely blocked it out. Now I feel guilty about not remembering it, not marking/celebrating it in a way. I don't want to forget important dates, I want to be able to tell these things to Baby Kavics in the future.

Money wise, my pot is getting full, I have probably £300 in it. But on the other hand I spent quite a lot too:o. I bought a tripp trapp high chair for £50 on gumtree and sold my old one for the same price. The difference was that the old one didn't have a footplate, straps or cushions so for the price of the old one (£23 on ebay), I got all those as extra. I had to buy a baby set for it on ebay though so that was an extra £23 but for £46 I have a £160 worth high chair. I will be able to resell the baby set once baby Kavics becomes bigger so that's good I guess.

I have an ebay pile in the corner of the sitting room but I have no motivation whatsoever. I need to study for my Open University course but once again, no motivation. I need to organize things so will write a list I want to achieve by the end of the week and try to cross everything off. Lloyds sent me another letter saying that they will close my credit card and saving account in April, I have no idea what their problem is-I pay my credit card off every time and my saving account has quite a lot of money on it. I need to find an account which I can easily use from abroad, have complete online access and good costumer service on the phone.

ampersand

kavics - will you let an old head make a suggestion or two?

First - don't make sticks to beat yourself with, by which I refer to lists, to-do piles and so forth WHICH ARE SECONDARY TO YOU AND BABY KAVICS MUTUALLY ADJUSTING TO YOUR OWN CHANGING BODY CLOCKS AND TIMETABLES. Simultaneously, your grief is making its way through your life in fits and starts. LET IT DO SO -THIS IS A NATURAL PROGRESSION. It matters not that other people's grief surfaces[or not][differently. Each death and healthy grief has its own signature, which is part of your love for OH and baby. How can or should it be otherwise?

Next - don't fret or feel any concern or vague guilt about lack of motivation. A walk in improving weather with baby K in pram, looking at Spring beginning to spring will do more to help you tick lists than much else. Yes, take a book with you. Yes, sit down and read, or jot in a diary part-way. You can have a small thermos or other drink/fruit with you. You are the perfect, loveliest, loving maman for your little girl. What an achievement! Tops any list any day!

re: Bank - regardless of all that you'll read anywhere, each person has to find the Bank and Branch that's good for them. It took me several, through some Life Hell[and the former Banks failed me shamefully. Case later won+compensation] but I am now with NW, where they know me, are go-the-extra-mile decent, real people and I am an OAP with v. little. I announced this at the outset and it has made no difference over more than 5 years now. I'm not selling any particular name to you, kavics, just hoping you have a Branch where people look up and smile and call Hello as they see you and show all sorts of small kindnesses and interest in YOU. I also appreciate long weekend hours and note many multilingual staff, which tells me they're doing other things right.
You need to go to Lloyds and ask - not on the phone. Let phoning be done from Branch at their expense, not yours.

Memories re-surface throughout our lives. We all have significant dates[me too, next week, for example]. This is part of the richness we have as human beings and we are privileged in this, even though bittersweet is inevitably part of the mix.

Have no fear re forgetting anything: one day printing this healing Thread for Baby K will be the fullest testimony you can offer her.

Thinking warmly of you,with strength and confidence - all en route as I post this:-)