unrequited love?

mrsrwallace

had a great catch-up with friends today and we were reminiscing about times gone by......

then we typically ended up talking about past/lost/unrequited loves and wondering how our lives would have turned out if we had followed a different path.

it touched a raw nerve with me as i do sometimes (especially when stressed, which is often ) wonder "what if?" and go down that treacherous road of wishing i had done things differently rather than accepting the choices i have made.

one thing which bothers me is a past friendship with a man who i was so attracted to....so much so i thought about him constantly. i wanted him more than ana wants mr grey and he was everything i wanted in a man but our relationship never went past the platonic stage unfortunately much to my chagrin! i often wonder what it would have been like to have kissed him and touched him but he never made a move so i know he wasnt interested.

lately i have been thinking of him and this conversation today reinforced him into my brain and heart again and i wonder has anyone out there been in the same position? How do you get over someone you were never actually romantically linked to, yet really wanted to be? I am still attracted to him but he is very much not attracted to me. If he had been he would have made his move surely so why can a rational person like me not let that sink in?????? Why is it when i think of him it makes me want him more and yet i know that is never going to happen! instead i see him happy with his partner and wish it was me he was hugging instead of her.

how do you get over/past an unrequited love?? apologies for this drivel but i do get a bit maudlin after too much free cider!:rotfl:

sashadesade

I think everyone dwells on these things a bit at one time or another, but it's a case of the grass always being greener on the other side. We always hanker over what we can't have and think it would be wonderful, but it's just a fantasy at the end of the day. The best thing you can do is consign it to fantasy land and try to focus on improving your reality, be that by finding new interests or meeting new men.

coolcait

mrsrwallace wrote: »

had a great catch-up with friends today and we were reminiscing about times gone by......

then we typically ended up talking about past/lost/unrequited loves and wondering how our lives would have turned out if we had followed a different path.

it touched a raw nerve with me as i do sometimes (especially when stressed, which is often ) wonder "what if?" and go down that treacherous road of wishing i had done things differently rather than accepting the choices i have made.

one thing which bothers me is a past friendship with a man who i was so attracted to....so much so i thought about him constantly. i wanted him more than ana wants mr grey and he was everything i wanted in a man but our relationship never went past the platonic stage unfortunately much to my chagrin! i often wonder what it would have been like to have kissed him and touched him but he never made a move so i know he wasnt interested.

lately i have been thinking of him and this conversation today reinforced him into my brain and heart again and i wonder has anyone out there been in the same position? How do you get over someone you were never actually romantically linked to, yet really wanted to be? I am still attracted to him but he is very much not attracted to me. If he had been he would have made his move surely so why can a rational person like me not let that sink in?????? Why is it when i think of him it makes me want him more and yet i know that is never going to happen! instead i see him happy with his partner and wish it was me he was hugging instead of her.

how do you get over/past an unrequited love?? apologies for this drivel but i do get a bit maudlin after too much free cider!:rotfl:

The bits in bold say it all.

You know that.

So why do you think you are hanging onto this fantasy?

Answer that (to yourself, not us) and you'll be well on your way to getting over/past an unrequited crush.

firestronaut

Oh, I know the woes of unrequited love. I fell for somebody way out of my league, and had difficulty functioning for almost 18 months.
Emotions are extremely complex and it's impossible to just turn them off, but what if's will never do you any good. I was crushed by what if's for a very long time.

You build that person up in your mind, usually making them into something they're not, and it's so so difficult to see. My unrequited love's girlfriend figured it out in the end and tormented me at every opportunity.

Don't do what I did and pin your happiness on this person. I would be the happiest person on earth in his presence and then become withdrawn and depressed during his absence. Holding onto the faint chance that something will happen will make you miss out on so much more, opportunities for happiness will just pass right by you.

Getting over it is hard, but you have to push yourself to move on. Get a hobby, find a new focus, most of all, do something just for you.

Chin up

*max*

mrsrwallace wrote: »

had a great catch-up with friends today and we were reminiscing about times gone by......

then we typically ended up talking about past/lost/unrequited loves and wondering how our lives would have turned out if we had followed a different path.

it touched a raw nerve with me as i do sometimes (especially when stressed, which is often ) wonder "what if?" and go down that treacherous road of wishing i had done things differently rather than accepting the choices i have made.

one thing which bothers me is a past friendship with a man who i was so attracted to....so much so i thought about him constantly. i wanted him more than ana wants mr grey and he was everything i wanted in a man but our relationship never went past the platonic stage unfortunately much to my chagrin! i often wonder what it would have been like to have kissed him and touched him but he never made a move so i know he wasnt interested.

lately i have been thinking of him and this conversation today reinforced him into my brain and heart again and i wonder has anyone out there been in the same position? How do you get over someone you were never actually romantically linked to, yet really wanted to be? I am still attracted to him but he is very much not attracted to me. If he had been he would have made his move surely so why can a rational person like me not let that sink in?????? Why is it when i think of him it makes me want him more and yet i know that is never going to happen! instead i see him happy with his partner and wish it was me he was hugging instead of her.

how do you get over/past an unrequited love?? apologies for this drivel but i do get a bit maudlin after too much free cider!:rotfl:

Sorry but I switched off at the bold bit. I understand what you mean and all, but really...

ciderwithrosie_2

How can you say 'he was everything I wanted in a man' if you never even got past the platonic stage? You only knew that little bit of his character. It's a bit bunny boilerish if I'm being honest, like you've built him up into this demi-god, he's just a bloke and there's billions of 'em on this planet.

I went to a wedding once, my OH was best man and this was the groom's 3rd wedding! I was sat with some friends of the bride and chatting to one she said - 'would you ever get married again?' I replied 'I doubt it, I couldn't be bothered' she said' me neither - same !!!!, different trousers' I thought that was a great saying

I have times, like when I'm doing mundane chores, where my mind wanders to various scenarios and 'what ifs' - like bumping into an ex when you're suddenly rich and stunning (so not likely to happen :rotfl:) or Hugh Jackman calling! I call them my washing up moments. But that's all they are - amusing, sometimes erotic, fantasies in my head.

coinxoperated

Funnily enough I'm experiencing this at the moment.

A few years back, I completely 'fell' for this guy. To the pint where just looking at him would make my heart beat so loud I could hear it in my ears.

Unfortunately this also made me incredibly nervous and when he tried to talk to me I mucked it all up. The one time he did try and talk to me I set fire to my hair with my lighter as I was fiddling with it trying to calm my nervous. I must of looked insane.

I 'moved on', met someone else and everythings been happy with him for the past 2 years....

Then went out Saturday night and saw him, an his new girlfriend, and was instantly upset. I feel like I got dumped Saturday! I've been a bit miserable all week. And I feel ridiculous for it.
In truth, I almost know it would never of gone anywhere. For a start, he doesn't have the best reputation for how he treats women, has a very different life path he wants to follow and is also close friends with a couple of my ex's. Ive put it down to wanting something you can't have.

Still kicks me in the gut everytime I see him. I'm moving to Bristol in the next couple of years, and I'll be grateful not to bump into him anymore!

Errata

Was the bloke's name Donny Osmond by any chance?
You were fantasising then and you're still fantasising. If that brings you comfort there's no harm in it, but wouldn't it be healthier to find a real person to bring you comfort?

tea_lover

I do sometimes wonder what life would have been like if I'd stuck with my first boyfriend. We were together from about 15-19 and it was very intense at times. I was a complete cow to him for years - always dumping him and then as soon as he even dared to look at someone else I'd be convinced I wanted him back.

He's now happily married with two lovely kids and I'm v happy with my OH. I still see him around sometimes and we have the odd catch-up email every couple of years. I don't have any feelings for him (other than friends) but do sometimes wonder 'what if...'

Tbh I think the only reason I think about it is that OH and I have been struggling to conceive for years. I think it's the kids I want rather than the ex lol.

Person_one

mrsrwallace wrote: »

one thing which bothers me is a past friendship with a man who i was so attracted to....so much so i thought about him constantly. i wanted him more than ana wants mr grey and he was everything i wanted in a man but our relationship never went past the platonic stage unfortunately much to my chagrin! i often wonder what it would have been like to have kissed him and touched him but he never made a move so i know he wasnt interested.

I suggest you write some erotic fiction about the guy, but make him unlikeable and the bad guy in the end. By the time you've written it you won't like him anymore and you may just be able to earn millions getting it published!

SailorSam

I suppose i do have some pangs of guilt leaving so many women yearning they could have had more of me, but they'll just have to learn to live with it.