Is this assault?

marywooyeah

Dunroamin wrote: »

I wonder how many people posting on here about getting him help and getting him to the doctors would be saying the same thing to the young man's partner.

Domestic violence is the same whether it's towards a spouse or any other family member.

:T:T:T sometimes I wish there was an award for Post of the Month!

atrixblue.-MFR-.

marywooyeah wrote: »

?
I didn't say she shouldn't try and help him, if he was a teenager then she could take him down to the doctors or access support from CAMHS but at 22 and given his temperament I suspect he is not going to be grateful at the suggestion of a Dr and would probably see this as OP interfering and trying to control him. Its a lot harder to access support once your child is over 16/18 and if he refuses to take up help there's nothing OP can do about it.

Kicking him out may as you say trigger resentment etc, it may also give him a kick up the backside to see that OP won't tolerate the way he is treating her, the family and the home. I don't recall saying she should give him money to do that but if that's how you wish to interpret my post that's up to you.

read OP's update post he has already agread and asked OP to go to the docs with him.

Dunroamin

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

read OP's update post he has already agread and asked OP to go to the docs with him.

Oh well, that's all right then!

Welshwoofs

Dunroamin wrote: »

I wonder how many people posting on here about getting him help and getting him to the doctors would be saying the same thing to the young man's partner.

Domestic violence is the same whether it's towards a spouse or any other family member.

Yup, well she's sounding just as bad at the moment isn't she. They both sound incapable of bringing up a child as it stands IMO.

Would Social Services get them both the needed counselling if they were aware that a child was being brought up in a situation where both parents have resorted to physical violence?

atrixblue.-MFR-.

Dunroamin wrote: »

I wonder how many people posting on here about getting him help and getting him to the doctors would be saying the same thing to the young man's partner.

Domestic violence is the same whether it's towards a spouse or any other family member.

im not condoning what he has done, what i'm saying is kicking him out to teach him a lesson is wrong way to go about it.

the lad knows he has a problem read ops update post.

domestic violence isnt always intentional harm to someone else some people are just down right nasty others are mentally ill or have a behavioural condition.

i'd say his partner isnt aiding the situation with her own attitude and demeanor as a guest in the OP's home, if it had been my partner going off in huffs and making sly comments i'd pull to one side and have a stern word in her ear.

would you kick a 16 year old out on the street due to blow outs due to a condition such as ADHD, aspergers, autism, these are not going to go away the older he gets, burrying your head in the sand when the lad abviously has noted theres something wrong with his behaviour, would not help, i wouldnt throw my child out even if she was 22 and living at home screaming and kicking smashing things up and damaging the house, i'd want to find what is causing these episodes, what i could do to combat the onset of a blowout what the triggers are and how to defuse the situation and how to prevent them.

again i see differently from others here, whether thats just because i have a child that has at the very least ADHD, i see a similar pattern here to the OP's son.

she doesnt like to be touched in certain places or tapped neither do i, if I tell her somthing then my partner repeats it it frustrates her she could either sit in a strop or simply have a go at you or go off in a fit of rage.

she relates to certain people, and somepeople she cannot stand no matter how polite they are to her she will shut down and not acknowladge what they say, so the OP's son not relating to councellors i see as difficulty in able to relate, perhaps he would prefure to see a female councellor than male one if it were easier for him to relate to them.

this isnt about the OP's sons partner, its about her son, if the OP and son both work with eachother to find out why this is happening,and then diagnosed with a condition that fits the descriptors to it, then the partner can be helped in how to deal with his condition and help prevent blow outs.

how different would this thread be if it was titled son has MH issues cannot cope with the fits of anger what do i do.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Yup, well she's sounding just as bad at the moment isn't she. They both sound incapable of bringing up a child as it stands IMO.

Would Social Services get them both the needed counselling if they were aware that a child was being brought up in a situation where both parents have resorted to physical violence?

from what i have witnessed with social services they would not be bothered about getting parents into councelling, they would be more attached to getting the baby into social services care to put up for adoption rather than keeping the family together, social services can turn a whole family upside down and inside out when they sink their in.

Dunroamin

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

from what i have witnessed with social services they would not be bothered about getting parents into councelling, they would be more attached to getting the baby into social services care to put up for adoption rather than keeping the family together, social services can turn a whole family upside down and inside out when they sink their in.

From what we've read here, I think that would be an excellent idea.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

Dunroamin wrote: »

From what we've read here, I think that would be an excellent idea.

cant pass judgement, we dont know the facts.

coolcait

Dunroamin wrote: »

I wonder how many people posting on here about getting him help and getting him to the doctors would be saying the same thing to the young man's partner.

Domestic violence is the same whether it's towards a spouse or any other family member.

Well, this person who has posted on here about "getting him help and getting him to the doctors" has also posted about the unacceptability of his behaviour, and has been critical of the way that the OP is enabling and excusing his behaviour.

However, I also see merit in trying to get help for the abusive person, rather than simply throwing them on the scrapheap without having made any attempt to break their cycle of violence.

'Help' might not work, of course. He might continue to be abusive.

Chucking him out without any attempt at getting 'help' will definitely mean that he continues to be abusive. He may simply find a different target.

That said, my post about 'getting help' was meant more generally. If the OP had sought help for her son when he ws younger, rather than enabling his behaviour, things might be different today. Or not.

There can be mental health issues behind some people's violence. It can happen with dementia, for example (not that I think that's an issue with the OP's son!). Those MH issues should not ever be used an excuse for the violence - but it obviously makes more sense to address the issues than to ignore them.

Dunroamin

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

cant pass judgement, we dont know the facts.

The whole thread has been about passing judgement!