Spill the beans... on grown-ups whose parents support them

seriousDFW

Northern_Princess wrote: »

We will support our daughter through Uni, have bought her car as well as tax and insure it for her until she leaves Uni, she lives rent free, we buy all her clothes, pay for nights out, holidays and her mobile phone contract as well as 6 weekly hair cut and colour. We will expect no payback financially, only that she graduates and enjoys her career. As for weaning off financial milk, I doubt we will tbh. If she needs help she will get it no matter what age she is.

To me, this doesn't seem to be 'help', it seems that you are paying for everything for her! This is of course your choice and prerogative, though I would worry that she takes this for granted and doesn't push herself to be independent and make her own way in the world. Aren't you worried about that?

gallygirl

Northern_Princess wrote: »

We will support our daughter through Uni, have bought her car as well as tax and insure it for her until she leaves Uni, she lives rent free, we buy all her clothes, pay for nights out, holidays and her mobile phone contract as well as 6 weekly hair cut and colour. We will expect no payback financially, only that she graduates and enjoys her career. As for weaning off financial milk, I doubt we will tbh. If she needs help she will get it no matter what age she is.

seriousDFW wrote: »

To me, this doesn't seem to be 'help', it seems that you are paying for everything for her! This is of course your choice and prerogative, though I would worry that she takes this for granted and doesn't push herself to be independent and make her own way in the world. Aren't you worried about that?

I completely agree with this reply. She will ALWAYS need help if she does not have to take responsibility for her own finances. I read a book recently, about how millionaires made their money, their attitudes to it and how they treated their children. Numerous examples of how standing on their own feet was best. Yes, give help, large scale if necessary, such as uni fees/living costs, house deposits, start up business costs, but that is it. No monthly hand outs, rent free accommodation, free cars, holidays etc.

I helped both children through uni and gave my daughter the money for a house deposit (passing on what I had inherited from my mum and what she had promised them, but didn't actually change will). DS will get the same when needed. At present he pays a minimal £80 a month board - he's just started a new job - but that will be changing come next year (oops, maybe I should warn him ).

Those are big amounts, but they are ring-fenced situations. DD also borrowed 4k off me when she moved house. At the time she was paying her dad back a graduate loan he had taken out for her at a lower %. That finished in Jan and she has since paid me back the 4k, with money raised through mystery shopping. She keeps a tight budget, meal plans, shops around etc, and has one big holiday every year and small breaks with friends. She knows she can ask me for help if needed, but it needs to be paid back, and is. If I had written off the 4k and handed over money every month she would not know the value of money, or the independence it brings her.

Next up, DS .

OH's brother works but is bailed out by his mother constantly. She's in her late 80's. Boy is he in for a shock when she's gone. If he phones OH to say he's £300 in arrears for his gas he will get one of:
Really?
Shame.
Never mind :rotfl:.

1886

I know a girl who's about 25 years old. She finished her degree then spent a whole year doing nothing at all whilst her b/f worked full time. Her father then bought her a new Audi TT and a house.