Spill the beans... on grown-ups whose parents support them

tea_lover

My parents helped me towards the deposit for my first home for which I'm eternally grateful. I fully intended to pay them back but in the end they helped my sister with the same amount and we've called it quits lol.

When I sold that house last year to buy a house with my OH I offered them the money back but they very kindly declined. They also helped us with a loan while we were waiting for OH's house to sell, which we've repaid them in full.

I've always worked and paid my own way but I wouldn't have been able to get to this point without my parents' help.

ellie1788

I still live at home with my parent's as does my younger brother, i have had a job since i was 16, and worked throughout uni to pay for anything i have needed, kept my car running, socialised and currently hold two part time jobs. I help around the house, take my mum shopping, do housework, help decorate etc, my mum has never wanted to take money off me, even when I offer.

My brother who is 22 and about 18 months younger than me, earns about 5 times more than me, still lives at home but doesn't help out, treats it like a hotel and asks for money left right and centre. He uses the excuse he doesn't know how to handle money and uses his weekly wage like pocket money.

I know I'm lucky to live rent free with my parents and want to help them out as much as possible because i know that i'm not in a position that i could move out and live on my own supporting myself.

SingleSue

laydeeqt wrote: »

It seems i am the only one on this forum who's parents actually have no money - my parents are in debt and rent a house far too expensive for them at 800 a month. but they cant move as they cant get money together for a new deposit on another place to rent. at 26, i am supporting my parents financally at times. I have spent £300 before bailing them out when the bailffs came over. I give them about £50 every few months or so, as their wages combined equate to my wage. So i would NEVER EVER ask for money from them. I think anyone who relies on their parents like this lack independece, so although it's not a great situation for me or my parents to be in, at least i know i am supporting myself by myself, whilst doing all i can to help them too . I'd be interested if anyone else had these problems?

Mine are not loaded but can afford a little bit here and there. They went through very tough times in the past and in my early adult life, I was earning a lot more than my dad, so we treated them to things and helped them out with the bigger bills.

Now I am 42 and they are nearly 70 and 72, the tables have turned, so they like to help me out (well all of us really). I do help them in a non financial way though, take them shopping, take dad to the hospital, explain medical terms and be their calm, sensible person at the appointments, that sort of thing. I also helped them make a claim for attendance allowance for dad as they didn't have any idea they could have any sort of financial assistance after his strokes.

In our family, it is natural.....it's what families do.

chocoholic_chick

My parents are very generous with their money. They bought our sofa's for us when we bought our house, made a large contribution to our wedding ( I actually negotiated DOWN on how much they could give us as i wasn't comfortable accepting so much money ) and paid for our honeymoon and have loaned us money towards home improvements. The loan for the home improvements is the only thing I have ever actually asked for money wise from them and I'm paying them back, everything else they have insisted on giving us and have got quite upset when I tried to refuse. I wouldn't think twice about going to my parents if we were really struggling and needed help, not only because I am very close to them, but I know how upset and hurt they would be if they found out I was struggling and didn't go to them for help. They can sometimes be too eager to give us money, if I say to them oh we're a bit skint this weekend so aren't really doing anything they will always say well do you's need some money, just say and I can loan you's some as though we can't afford to feed ourselves and are starving so we now don't really mention anything as when we say that we don't mean we can't afford to feed ourselves or pay our bills, just that we can't go out and about that weekend.

On the other hand I would never feel comfortable going to OH parents for money, just don't feel like we could as we don't have that kind of relationship with them.

We're now at a stage where we're reasonably comfortable and I can now treat my parents from time to time, which I think they find hard, took them out for a meal a few weeks ago and my mum said "it should be us paying for you's!" but I like to give back now and again when we can. Mum still buys us things though, without us even asking, they've always just been really generous and I think they enjoy helping us, I don't really see anything wrong with it.

thebillet

From my parents we got £68 towards a legal bill; I had among other things to lend my old father in law £400 to fix his car (back in the 70s his was 5 weeks wages).

To my kids I gave a weekly accommodation allowance while at uni and they of course stayed free during hols and had their larders stocked on return to uni; paid a big chunk for the one wedding we have had.

Recently we bailed out my step children to the tune of £30,000 which they are paying back.

You know I it'll teach me to read the job description more closely in the future, I scanned the person spec but that proved to be not enough.

Sheesh I wouldn't mind any of it, if only someone would get a round in rather than wait for me to head to the bar; ah well you can't have everything.

vasseur

My parents are helping me out with childcare over the summer holidays so that is a financial gift. I can't afford to pay the daily holiday club rate for 4 whole weeks so my parents are having my dd for 2 days a week and she goes to holiday club the rest of the week while I am at work.

They gave me £100 spending money when we went for our first holiday together when dd was a year old. That was their idea though, I didn't ask for it.

I haven't had to ask them for money ever and if they know I am struggling they have always said 'please tell us first' but thanks largely to learning from their attitude to money and this forum things have never got to crisis point. I guess I am lucky that I've never been in the position where I couldn't pay the mortgage or bills it's just general spending money for luxuries that I don't have.

j.e.j.

bionda wrote: »

Personally I always refused money from my parents until in my thirties I realised it gave my mother pleasure to give me money and buy me things. How could I have denied her so long?
More recently I asked for my inheritance or some of it up front as I lost a huge amount in exchange on buying a house when sterling fell and was not covering my mortgage payments. Even living on 7 euros a day ( and of course failing) meant falling more and more into the red. They managed to release some funds and divided them amongst their 4 children. Much appreciated ( though the others had absolutely no financial need). This enabled me to reduce my mortgage payments.
My generous parents wrote each of us letters stating the money was a gift, and paid gift tax on it. They have always given us the maximum gift allowance annually and are aware of tax efficient ways of passing money on. Very important!
Weaning? Not necessary if all are responsible with money.

I must admit that bit shocked me!

pollypenny

I think Fatballz should read this thread!

He is preoccupied with his idea that we babyboomers are hogging the country's wealth.

I know OH and I are typical of many parents who are supplementing adult kids' incomes whether regularly or one -off unexpected bills.

JodyBPM

My parents paid for our wedding (but more as a "traditional father of the bride pays" than as financial support tbh), and they provide some childcare for us for free. They also give me and my brother £3000 a year each. Both my brother and I are financially comfortable, and don't need this money, but my parents give it to us in order to avoid IHT. My parents are quite wealthy.

I'm financially comfortable, so don't ever ask for money, but I'm sure my parents would help out if we were in a hole. I wouldn't let myself be in the situation that I needed to ask for help, I live within my means. All the £3000s that they've given me over the years just sit in my ISA earning interest.

mizzame

I'm single, on the average UK wage and own a small property... As the cost of living rises and my wages dont my retired parents give me £100 per month to cover (highly inflated) managing agent fees. Without this payment I'd struggle, whilst I could pay out this charge I would have zilch left for clothes, nights out etc etc...

...Do I feel guilty? Yes but I do work hard, I dont take the p*ss and my parents say they want me to live rather than scrape by... Their £100 allows this to happen.

I blame our government, I'm that single 30 something who earns just enough never to have been entitled to benefit... Some say I'd be better off as a single mum not working.... Not my style!