Spill the beans... on grown-ups whose parents support them

Taadaa

I have never had to use my parents to pay for my day to day lifestyle. I would rather go without than ask them for money.

They made a contribution to our wedding, which was their gift to us. My mum offers a lot of financial support to my siblings, because she can do it and they need it, despite their efforts to support themselves (they both work, and neither live at home). She will buy them branded food they can't afford, or get some clothes for my nephew. I have never asked for this, despite sometimes in the early days having to put food on the credit card. She has voluntarily made up for this by contributing to my maternity fund, as I plan to be off work for a year. I wasn't sure whether to accept it, as to be honest yes it will be hard, but I know how to go without and I don't need it. But she has insisted.

Times are hard but I still find the concept of younger people taking money from their parents or older generations to fund their chosen lifestyles uncomfortable. They had it hard too, but I bet there was no one there to help them out. They had to get on with it. These days, there are far too many people with an over inflated sense of entitlement.

Taadaa

Just remembered that our neighbour a few doors down has just sold his house because his daughter's marriage has ended and he is moving in with her to help her out financially. We live in a village and she is in the town, presumably with kids, who don't/can't move schools. I am a bit shocked by it though as he has lived here for 40 years and doesn't want to move.

bigmomma051204

fluffnutter wrote: »

Whilst I think it's important to be financially independent from your parents for all sorts of practical and emotional reasons, it's interesting to think about why this is seemingly on the increase.

For generations the general trend has been for offspring to be wealthier than their parents. Hence there's not really been much call for parental handouts. However, this all changed with the baby boomers and the (to use an overused phrase) current economic climate.

Now we have a generation of people likely to be less well off than their parents and therefore needing their financial help. It's not born out of laziness or a shift in cultural values - it's born out of necessity.

Pretty spot on.

I rarely take handouts from my parents. When my dad was made redundant (i was about 7) he put some money into an account for me and my sister. She is older than me and spent hers on double glazing for the house that she and her husband bought. I kept mine in a savings account and it mounted up - i used it to pay for my wedding 2 years ago. It was £4000. So i guess they kind of paid for that...? They dont pay for anything else really - they buy some items for my son - ie school shoes and bikes - this is only because i cant afford Clarks for shoes and i would buy a second hand bike - they want him to have "better" so they purchase these things for him.

My Mum gave me £50 towards our holiday a month or so ago as i was very stuck for money The holiday was to their holiday home in Devon. I could barely afford the petrol lol! BUT as i havent been on holiday abroad since a trip with college when i was 17yrs ( i am now 30) i did accept the offer so that my son could have a little holiday.

My parents are part of the baby boomers generation. They worked very hard (both for a local authority - my dad had a high-ish level job, my mum worked as a secretary in a primary school for 30 years nearly) and retired when they were in their late 50's. They never took foreign holidays and saved their money wisely. So i dont begrudge them what they have.... BUT they own a house worth £650,000 (they bought it for £35,000 25years ago) they also own a holiday home worth about 300,000. They have "good" cars (mercedes, bmw etc) which they trade in relatively regularly. They now go on posh foreign holidays at least once a year. So they are what i would call "comfortably well off".

I am 30years old, married and have a son of 7yrs. I work full time and earn a fairly decent wage of about £21,000 a year. My husband is working self employed and what he earns is very variable - he does this as he has a disability which would make him unemployable in his sector... We never have holidays apart from to the holiday home i mentioned - it is lovely to have this option but it still costs too much to go (petrol etc) more than once a year. We never go abroad. I drive a car which i took a loan of £5000 out to buy and is now worth about £900 lol.....my husband drives an ancient old banger lol. We rent our home and pay nearly £700 a month - the house is just a bog standard 80's 3 bed home. We could pay a mortgage but we cant get one for more than £80,000 which wouldnt even buy a 1 bedroom flat in our county.

My father believes in making me realise the worth of money. He does this by never helping or offering to - i would never ask. My husband and i had a terrible time over the last 4 years due to hubby not working after a horrific car crash from which he had to learn to walk again... My mum often said she would help if i needed her to but i always declined as i wanted to do it for myself and would have felt guilty taking money from her - she would have also been doing it behind my dads back as he wouldnt have agreed to it and i didnt want to put her in this position... i also believed that as they were both on pension money, they were probably not that well off. (BOY was i wrong lol....found out recently how much their joint annual income from pensions is and it is over £60,000 per year. )

I guess my point is that if parents can afford to help their children, then i think that it is great that they do! So long as the children dont take advantage.....

Dunroamin

mizzame wrote: »

I'm single, on the average UK wage and own a small property... As the cost of living rises and my wages dont my retired parents give me £100 per month to cover (highly inflated) managing agent fees. Without this payment I'd struggle, whilst I could pay out this charge I would have zilch left for clothes, nights out etc etc...

...Do I feel guilty? Yes but I do work hard, I dont take the p*ss and my parents say they want me to live rather than scrape by... Their £100 allows this to happen.
!

I'd love to know what you would consider to be "taking the p*ss"!

FatVonD

I moved out when I was 18, my parents lent me £1,000 deposit for my first flat when I was 20 of which I repaid £700 then they let me off the last £300.

They gave me £350 as a wedding present both times I got married (!)

Other than that, nothing, my mum thinks I'm loaded (even when I'm struggling) so they'd never offer but I'd not ask or take it anyway.

moxxy-girl

My husband and I ( LOL )are happy to help our 3 children - all in their 30's when and if they need it. When we married 40 yrs ago there were times we were skint and we were very grateful to my in laws for helping us out. Our 2 eldest don't need financial help , but our youngest is a single mom of two teenage children , who works every hour God sends as a teacher. If we didn't help her out occasionally life would be miserable for her.
If she needs money for a big purchase ,she borrows it from us interest free. atthe moment she owes us £5000 and pays it off at £150 per month. But I happily drop / postpone payments when needed.
We love giving the 3 of them gifts of money. We gave them all £500 a couple of months ago and they were thrilled and also grateful , we do this out of the blue every couple of years. When I got £30,000 when my mom died six years ago we gave them £5000 each and they all put it to sensible use . I am paying for a cottage rent in November so all of us ( 7 adults and 4 children) can have a family weekend together - but they are insisting they pay for all the food.
In the end , as long as we can afford it - and we are not rich , but comfortable baby boomers, then I'd rather give my kids money now while they have young families and need it, rather than when I am gone.... And probably will " need" it less. They are good kids , and never expect anything ...... It would be different if I felt they tried to sponge or felt it was their right. As my dad used to say - life's too short and you are a long time dead!

Mojisola

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

My father believes in making me realise the worth of money. He does this by never helping or offering to - i would never ask.

How old will you have to be before he thinks you have realised the worth of money?

My husband and i had a terrible time over the last 4 years due to hubby not working after a horrific car crash from which he had to learn to walk again... My mum often said she would help if i needed her to but i always declined as i wanted to do it for myself and would have felt guilty taking money from her - she would have also been doing it behind my dads back as he wouldnt have agreed to it and i didnt want to put her in this position... i also believed that as they were both on pension money, they were probably not that well off. (BOY was i wrong lol....found out recently how much their joint annual income from pensions is and it is over £60,000 per year.)

I couldn't do this to any of my children. Major life problems are just the time when offering a bit of extra money can relieve so much strain and anxiety. If a family can't pull together during times of adversity, I don't know what the family is for!

MrGumby

I tend to treat our money as family money. One day, my two children will inherit what's left, so why not give some of it to them now when they most need it? If I don't, the local authority will finish up taking some or all of it to pay for care; if we don't need care, the taxman will take a big slice to pay an IHT bill.

By helping my children, I'm indirectly helping my grandchildren, e.g. it means a bigger house with a bedroom each, a bigger garden to play in, a better, safer neighbourhood, etc. I don't hand over cash, I pay for specifics such as the deposit on a house or a free loan for a car. I don't IMHO go OTT - they know the value of money and work hard, scrimp and save, etc.

My parents are still alive, in their 80s, and have never given me anything of significant value. If I inherit, I won't need their money but could sure have done with some help when raising a young family. I say "if" because my mother is very likely to go into a care home and there will be nothing left to inherit - it would have been so much better if they'd passed some cash to us in years gone by, even if only to invest in our names on their behalf in case they ever wanted it back. I don't want my children to say the same in 20-30 years' time.

MrGumby

moxxy-girl wrote: »

our youngest is a single mom

Mom? Are we now the latest US state? Awesome.

moxxy-girl

MrGumby wrote: »

Mom? Are we now the latest US state? Awesome.

My parents were Irish , mom called herself Mom and I call myself mom ... Go figure !! ;-))