Spill the beans... on grown-ups whose parents support them

seven-day-weekend

We gifted our son the deposit to buy a flat as we did not want him to be prey to the whims of the private rental market. We helped him with some essential upgrading work. Other than that, he pays his own way.

He has a minimum wage job and would not be able to save up enough deposit to bring the mortgage payments down to an affordable level. He is an only child and will inherit from us eventually, so why not help him now?

MrGumby

moxxy-girl wrote: »

My parents were Irish , mom called herself Mom and I call myself mom ... Go figure !! ;-))

Oops. I apologise! I'm just fed up with the rapid Americanisation of this country.

Skinto_7

Im in my 20's and have worked since leaving school, from the age of 18-23 my parents never took dig money off me or my siblings when living there(on the privisio money was put into a savings account for a house deposit), so in a sense i suppose they gave us free food and board, although any luxurious such as clothes, computers, decoration to the rooms, were all funded by ourselves. Even when we were younger Any money we got was for doing something, i.e washing the dishes cutting the grass etc. This allowed to learn the value of money and the most important lesson that if you wanted it, you had to earn it.

I recently bought a new house (my second house), whilst keeping my old one to rent out (this is the one funded by the money saved from not paying my parents any rent), this obviously minimised any deposit i had for the new property, hence i was intially going to take a loan for the deposit, however a chance conversation with my father, when he was complaining about a recent pension payout he had sitting in his bank earning 1% interest, led to a business proposal where he agreed to lend me my deposit at a rate better than he could get in an isa however at a rate better than i could take a loan out at.

I would never just take money off my parents (god willing i never NEED this to happen) however i am exteremly gratefull to my dad for lending me the money and i am glad it was a done in a way that obviously allowed me to get my house, but also gets him a better return on his cash than it was getting sitting in his current account. I drew up a proper contract with APR, payment dates and amounts all detailed, and this way have no guilt, as it is more of a business deal, where both parties benefit rather than me getting something for nothing.

Pthree

I earn a fairly decent wage but live in London so after rent, bills etc.. are paid I am occasionally left with more month left than money, my Mother on these occasions very kindly lets me use her card for a Tesco delivery as she wouldnt see me starve, she has also been know to stick the odd £20 in my bank account to stop me going overdrawn and getting whacked with charges. She also sends down any clubcard cash off vouchers for which I am very gratefull on a bad month and on a not so bad month it gets me a treat of a bit of steak or a bottle of wine. I think she knows I dont blow my money, I havent had a night out in over a year (I think I am about to depress myself!)

My parents aren't rich, but they can afford to do what they want to now because Mother has been very frugal over the years, which is just as well as my Dad is awful with money, and quite often if I go up for a visit he'll stick £50 or £100 in my bag before I leave.

P3

Janjani

Just joined this brilliant forum today, very relieved to see lots of people who share same views! Never had any financial help from parents, they didnt have it so we couldn't have it! Simple!
Never had any financial back up ever, even when tough times were upon us, bankruptcy, illness, divorce, single parenthood, to name but a few! So it grates my husband and I when people live their lives out of their parents pockets, it is complex and not right! We have very little to offer our children financially, but as far as understanding the real world and living in it they are millionaires! I wonder how these people who rely so much on good ol ma & pa would of got on in our shoes? Good job they got it at the right time(baby boomers), it was handed out like jellybeans then, bet they couldn't do it now!!!!
Don't think there will many of the 'have it all society' in future generations!

sirish1979

Hi all,

Very brilliant thread.

I am lucky that my parents paid for all my education until my masters. Started working after my masters and during the same time my parents lost there pension funds completely due to a fraud savings company. This happened in India.

Now my parents dependant on me I send £400 every month for their expenses. I never go on holidays and I feel that may be I will be able to afford holidays if I don't have to support my parents but there is nothing I can do as I feel that the least I can after all they have done for me.

V_Chic_Chick

I am at uni, and although I have never asked for money, I have had some money given to me as my dad has seen my budgeting spreadsheets and can see that a student loan doesn't go far, even when budgeting carefully.

An elderly relative has also given me money equal to tuition fees (currently sat in a high-interest account, as per MSE advice) but that is primarily to reduce any inheritance tax due.

I'm not the sort that has ever gone to my family to be bailed out - they have always come to me, and I have very regularly refused help as I have always wanted to stand on my own two feet. However, it's good to know that that support is there if I was to ever truly need it.

Sepa74

This is a fascinating thread. Human nature is a funny old thing. My mother is careful to treat us all equally, and has given all 4 children the same sum of money for a deposit on a house. She also helps out for weddings. But my sister is not well and lives rent free at home with my mum, while my middle brother and sister in-law have a lot of health problems and are very bad managing their money. My mother has given them thousands of $Oz on a regular basis to help them out when they've had a bad month (in Oz you can run out of sick leave and then any other time off is unpaid) or for a new car.

Then my youngest brother (exactly the same family situation less the illnesses) needed some documents sent over from Oz, and my mother is complaining about $95 courier fees!! Unbelievable!

When I was young my grandparents helped out my mum all the time on an as needs basis and I don't mind that she does the same with my two other siblings. I do worry that she won't leave herself enough money to look after herself when she really needs it, however she does have a financial advisor, and hopefully he takes that into account.

I do firmly believe the baby-boomers are much luckier than they realise. My mum has worked hard all her life, but has a fantastic pension, paid for by current taxpayers. She also inherited a lot of money from her thrifty war generation parents. She never managed to save any of her own money and would be poverty stricken if it wasn't for the government pension and the inheritance.

On the other hand both my youngest brother, his wife and I will all have to build up our own pension pots. None of us have any job security (all three of us are contractors), and also have to ensure we have sufficient emergency money to tide us over if we lose our jobs.

My sister will be supported by taxpayers all her life, while my brother works for the government and will also get a good govt pension.

But THANK YOU to all taxpayers out there... if it wasn't for the safety net I would end up like my maiden grand-aunt, supporting everyone in the family single-handedly. A chilling prospect, and I thank whatever being is up there that it hasn't fallen to my lot.

Sorry about the long post!

12sapphire

I support my two grown up children whenever I can. I save £100 per month for each of them and if they need anything towards car costs or utilities the money is there.

I have also loaned them money to purchase large items ie car. I loaned my daughter £4000 at the beginning of the year so she could buy a new car (cheaper for her than taking out a loan.) She repays me a regular amount each month but when she has repaid half (£2000) I have every intention of telling her to consider the loan repaid in full. I have also done this with my son.

I don't consider that I'm spoiling my children just fortunate that I'm in a position to be able to afford to do it for them.

GobbledyGook

I think it depends why the parents give the money and how the children seen it. If the parents are happy with it and the children are grateful for it and not taking the mick I don't see the problem. I have an old work colleage who constantly cribs about her sister giving her grown-up daughter £50 a month as the daughter is on a low wage as it's irresponsible and a waste of money. The same woman smokes 40 a day and would go mental if anyone suggested that was a waste of 'her' money.

My grandparents (who were effectively my parents) gave me money at various points before they passed away. Likewise if they needed it I gave them some (I can only remember a couple of occasions, one when there was a problem with their endowment mortage and one when they had their bank card stolen). One time my grandfather sold some shares to help me when my first flat was flooded terribly and I, stupidly, didn't have adequate insurance cover to replace everything. His view was that savings and shares were for a rainy day and that was a rainy day. I was grateful and I would have done the same for them.

When I needed help did I expect them to help? Well, yes I did. I knew they could afford it and they knew that I would only ask if I needed it. Likewise when they needed help they expected me to help for the same reasons.

At the same time I knew that my grandparents would give me and go without themselves, but they also knew I respected them enough to never ask unless it was a dire stituation (which thankfully it never was).