Spill the beans... on grown-ups whose parents support them

Southernman

When i go to visit my parents my dad gives me 'pocket money' sometimes.

He puts a £10 into my hand and says i deserve it for working so hard and making him proud of me!

(i'm 23)

My mum fears that i will die of starvation (even though i'm a good cook) and freezes bolognese/stew/snitzels in little throw a way containers with my name on when she has leftovers.

This is partly why i need to buy a new fridge/freezer to accommodate all of mama's meals. She gets really upset when i tell her my freezer is bursting and there's no way i could squidge ANYTHING more in!

leftieM

My SIL (51) and her son (28) moved in with her parents (86 and 81) when her water pipes burst after the big freeze at the end of 2010. She's still there. Her other son (23) moved in with them when he was doing his A-levels. He was supposed to move out after them but, when you have free accommodation and food, why bother?
My parents in law have spent thousands doing up SILs house to try and entice her back but nothing will shift her. She has a really good job in the civil sevice too.
Beat that for shameless sponging!

Mojisola

leftieM wrote: »

My parents in law have spent thousands doing up SILs house to try and entice her back but nothing will shift her. She has a really good job in the civil sevice too.
Beat that for shameless sponging!

Whatever's wrong with - we were happy to help when you had an emergency but it's time to go home. A fortnight should be long enough for you to organise everything.

seriousDFW

I remember asking my parents for money once at uni because I had maxed out my small overdraft and didn't have a credit card at the time. I was completely mortified and the only reason I did it was because my girlfriend made me feel it was a good idea. I've no idea what I'd've done otherwise. I don't actually remember what I needed the money for, how much I wanted or whether I got anything. I've never asked for anything since, but my parents have been generous.

My parents did offer some financial support during uni - I still had several jobs and worked every Saturday and Sunday and some evenings alongside studying full time. But I admit I didn't manage my money well. I was astounded how many of my friends at uni had everything paid for them - they received more student loan than I did, yet their parents could somehow afford to pay for their fees, accommodation and living costs. None of my friends had jobs at uni yet were all better of than I was. I suspect it's because they had more from Bank of Mum and Dad, but it may be because they managed their money better.

I have quite an awkward relationship with my parents and this has made money quite difficult to talk about. They 'sold' me their car when they replaced theirs and suggested I take out a loan to pay for it, albeit at a much below market value. I didn't take out a loan, I think they would have made some comment about there being no rush. And I remember bringing it up that I still owed them the money for it, and they awkwardly brushed it off. I never paid them for it and I have always felt a bit awkward about it. However, whenever I have tried to give them money back they have never accepted it, so I think they liked to say they 'sold' it to me without me expecting it to be repaid. Other than that, which was just after I graduated, I haven't been given anything significant other than generous Christmas and Birthday gifts and a few quid here and there for no reason whatsoever. It's the fact they're so generous freely that makes me feel really awkward about reciprocating.

I would ask them for help if I was in trouble but it would have to be serious. I can't imagine them ever asking me for help, but I know they think I'm bad with money, wasteful and not very well-off. Funnily enough I think a lot of their financial decisions haven't been great, we have a very different perspective on what gives value for money! However if I could I would gladly reciprocate all of their generosity.

YoungBusinessman

I get !!!! all, everyone else i know seems to get alot more. *woe is me*

It spurs me on and i have a greater work ethic. Everything i own/pay for...is due to my own hard work. As it should be. Look out for number 1...

TheConways

Southernman wrote: »

When i go to visit my parents my dad gives me 'pocket money' sometimes.

He puts a £10 into my hand and says i deserve it for working so hard and making him proud of me!

(i'm 23)

Don't worry, I'm 29 and have a good job... That doesn't stop my grandfather pressing 10 pounds in my hand when I visit "for a drink at the airport"!

Goodness knows how much he thinks I want to drink before a flight...

Amanda65

Really interesting thread and to see how people come down very heavily on either for or against parental help. We are in the 'for' category as both recipients (from my parents, OH has none) and as helpers to our children, two of whom are at university.

My parents are comfortably off, although not rich by any stretch of the imagination and in the past when we have had to replace a car (OH made redundant but just under 2 years so no big payout and lost his company car - new job had no car!) they have lent us money interest free rather than us pay 16% to a bank. They also pay a small allowance to each of their grandaughters each month they are at uni to help with living costs (both girls work when home) which in turn helps us as we are not supplementing this from our household budget. As a previous poster said, my parents look on it as money that will eventually come to them so why not help now, see the pleasure they get from it, and it's 40% of hard earned money (that has already been taxed) that won't be deducted in inheritance tax!

I think the trend stems from the fact that we are all live a lot more independently from our families now. A couple of generations ago no-one would have questioned grandparents helping out with childcare, household chores and the like and as families tended to live close to each other time was given rather than money. My parents were also in a position where their mortgage was a much lower percentage of their income than ours is, meaning that my Mum was able to stay at home whereas I have always had to work to keep our heads above water, albeit part time in the early days.

In our consumerist society where money is king it is inevitable that this has spilled over into financial support.

Amanda65

YoungBusinessman wrote: »

I get !!!! all, everyone else i know seems to get alot more. *woe is me*

It spurs me on and i have a greater work ethic. Everything i own/pay for...is due to my own hard work. As it should be. Look out for number 1...

Can I just say that I also have a huge work ethic, as do my OH and my children but that doesn't mean that when in a position to help, families shouldn't.

mrsrwallace

My parents helped me and my OH with the deposit for our first house (we paid them back in full), they also paid some of the money towards our wedding but that was deemed a gift. That is as much as i was prepared to take off them as they worked hard all their lives and we should fend for ourselves but this year was the worst ever for us in our entire adult lives (job loss, mortgage arrears, etc) and without my parents we'd be starving and without electric. They constantly bring us food shopping to make sure our teens are fed and contribute to school uniforms etc. Without them we'd be on the street. This has been hard to take as we always provided for our kids but this year is just horrendous and I honestly can't see it improving. I know my siblings get help if and when they need it and I would hope i could do the same for my kids when they are older but it seems unlikely considering I can't properly provide for them now as it is and that is with us both working (reduced hours mind you as we can't get full-time work anywhere - not for the want of trying).

Northern_Princess

MSE_Debs wrote: »

Spill the beans... on grown-ups whose parents support them [IMGRIGHT]http://images.moneysavingexpert.com/images/spillthebeans2.gif[/IMGRIGHT]


It's said 4m UK grown-ups still get financial support from their parents for everything from basic living costs to help with education, wedding and property costs. So are you supported, or a supporter? How does it work? Is there a payback agreement? What are your tips for weaning big 'uns off mum and dad's financial milk?


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We will support our daughter through Uni, have bought her car as well as tax and insure it for her until she leaves Uni, she lives rent free, we buy all her clothes, pay for nights out, holidays and her mobile phone contract as well as 6 weekly hair cut and colour. We will expect no payback financially, only that she graduates and enjoys her career. As for weaning off financial milk, I doubt we will tbh. If she needs help she will get it no matter what age she is.